Overwhelmed

[TheBlackSwordsman]

Anyone else gets constantly overwhelmed when they think about all the mistakes they've made in life and how pathetic life turned out as a result? I dropped the ball on some great opportunities, things I could never make up for. I'm so full of guilt, I can never forgive myself. I am such a disappointment, one of the reasons for me wanting to ctb, is just so I can try to escape my shame. Can't believe this is what I did with my life, smh

 

[SectOfValtiel]

Yeah
Its why I spend most of my time trying to distract myself from it
Always going to carry some guilt for ruining the one good relationship I had, that one takes the cake but underneath it are a million other smaller things
And it all builds up

I havent forgiven myself, either
Maybe some things I realized werent on me- not my mistake
But those things are rare

 

[jodes2]

I fucked up my gap year in industry big time. Then proceeded to fail 4 degrees. I'm a fucking failure, now just wasting away doing fuck all. Been like this for 15 years and have no way to pull myself out of it

 

[fettuccinenoodle]

Definitely. I think of all the friends I pushed away for my Job. I put everything into it thinking I had to have steady income and it wasn't a normal job so what I put in is what I got out. 12 years later I have a great job, secure finacially. But that is all I have . No friends to visit I still spend all my time working or working while I'm home to prep for the next day.

Im very lonely. And I dont know who I am or what I enjoy, then I see others habing fun and laughing at events, out to dinner with friends, I'm jealous. When I get free time I just stare off. I use to pay video games but the love of my life is on my friends list so I cant log in. And I can't bring myself to delete him. So I'm avoiding that. But I just don't enjoy anything any. I'm full of regret and shame.

 

[SarRy]

I know the feeling of regret. I guess it's true that regrets pay no debts and a man can ask what if right back to the start. In a world of cause and consequence, things just had to be this way. I can argue for forgiveness all day long. Still, I find this world and its people to be strangers to the practice.

I'm a hypocrite of sorts I guess. I could sit here and tell you all the ways you might overcome your sense of failing. I could tell you that the past isn't the future. I could wax poetic about how there's peace to be found. I just don't believe it's there for me.

With all that being said, I hope you find peace.

 

[Hystearical]

Yup.

 

[didn't-it-rain]

100%. I know it's kind of a platitude that "people with depression live in the past," but I feel it so much, every day. It would be one thing if I genuinely did not enjoy living (which I don't), but adding on the constant, never-ending cycle of reflecting on (and beating myself up over) my innumerable fuck-ups is just overkill. It's no way to live, it's not at all sustainable. I hate it.

 

[Unlucked]

Anyone else gets constantly overwhelmed when they think about all the mistakes they've made in life and how pathetic life turned out as a result? I dropped the ball on some great opportunities, things I could never make up for. I'm so full of guilt, I can never forgive myself. I am such a disappointment, one of the reasons for me wanting to ctb, is just so I can try to escape my shame. Can't believe this is what I did with my life, smh

Unironically, the most biggest regret for me was not giving the guy I liked my virginity. Kind of a weird thing to regret considering it's the most petty thing in comparison to the horrible abuses and situations I've suffered in life that are driving me to leave this earth, I really only beat myself for that one thing, the rest of the stuff that happened to me wasn't my fault or due to any failure of choice on my part but shitty circumstances and bad luck. Kind of a weird thing to regret but I never got to feel the touch of the only man who ever gave a sh$$t and I felt genuine affection for, and that haunts the fuck out of me, I literally think about it everyday, how if he just held me in his arms once me I'd get to die happy.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

One regret after another

 

[SectOfValtiel]

Kind of a weird thing to regret but I never got to feel the touch of the only man who ever gave a sh$$t and I felt genuine affection for, and that haunts the fuck out of me, I literally think about it everyday, how if he just held me in his arms once me I'd get to die happy.

I dont think its that weird, of *course* youd want the chance to show someone you love physical affection as well
In a way I can relate
Maybe in my case I wouldnt call it a regret, I could have gone without the sex I think and still been happy, but
Not being able to hold her? Comfort her when I know she needed it? Even just make her happy...
Now that I know I regret

Plus, she was really understanding when it came to that stuff
Willing to take things slow, not seemingly put off by the lack of experience, and she made me feel safe enough that I lost most of the insecurity I had about my body
I dont think Ill ever find that kind of safety in anyone ever again and I think that would be a crucial part of going that far for me personally
The lack of that kind of intimacy, not the one night stand shit but totally trusting someone you love and knowing they trust you too, is something I regret as well

 

[A simple aid]

Anyone else gets constantly overwhelmed when they think about all the mistakes they've made in life and how pathetic life turned out as a result? I dropped the ball on some great opportunities, things I could never make up for. I'm so full of guilt, I can never forgive myself. I am such a disappointment, one of the reasons for me wanting to ctb, is just so I can try to escape my shame. Can't believe this is what I did with my life, smh

Funny thing is if a religious man had those issues...hed say it was all Gods plan and have peace....you my friend have nothing but your own head to put it on....your neck seems weak my friend....why not let someone help carry the load....and maybe together you can put stuff down ...one by one...if you need help im here man

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I think everyone has things that they regret doing. Impossible to turn back time, so I guess we have to deal with the consequences.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I tend to remember all the times I've fucked up at work being too slow or clumsy or I've embarrassed myself socially and then I project all that stuff forward. I've been fortunate enough to be able to work from home alone for the past several years. So- no one has seen my screw ups and I haven't had people around me to be socially incompetent around.

Now, the freelance dream is failing financially, so I REALLY need to find more stable employment. If I try to continue the creative route, it won't only be incredibly difficult, it will also stir up all the fear of the usual fuck-ups like the past- which terrifies me. The alternative is some mundane shit job that I will also have some of the same worries but seeing as I know I'll detest the job, it probably won't bother me as much. CTB just seems so much 'nicer' but I feel like I need to wait for my Dad to go first, so I just feel stuck. Sorry for the rant. I'm really at a crossroads at the moment and both paths look like mountains!