Story overheard my family talking about me

[vampire2002]

a few days ago, it was my mother's birthday. i had spent some time with my mother, given her the gift i bought her, and then ended up lying down for a nap before the guests came over because i had a migraine. i'm not very sociable anyways, my mom asked me to at least make an appearance at the partyjust to be polite, i think.
so i woke up and being my usual anxious self, was trying to work up the nerve to go out there in front of all those people and have to talk to them, even though really all i wanted was to get something to drink since i had slept through lunch and dinner. i was crouching outside my bedroom door petting my cats, just listening to their conversation in the dining room while they were playing poker.
one of the guests asked my parents about their move next year, their plans for it. someone else the. asked what my brother and i will do once they move, because we still live at home despite being young adults. my stepfather said something to the effect of, "well (brother's name) will have completed two years of school by then and can probably get a good job to rent an apartment. as for (my name), unless she's married and living in sweden, she's fucked." i'm in a long distance relationship and my bf is dutch, not swedish, but i suppose he couldn't be bothered to remember that. my mom corrected him, but he just said "same thing."
it was absolutely humiliating hearing him speak about me like that in front of a party full of guests and i ended up just going back into my bedroom and not coming out like my mother wanted, because i heard her out there and she also didn't stand up for me. no surprise, she literally never does. i don't really feel bad.
i am grateful to my family for letting me live with them, but god if it isn't painful knowing how much of a failure they see me as, especially compared to my brother. i haven't really spoken to them since, i don't know what to say and i'm not even sure if i should tell them i overheard them making fun of me in front of their friends.
it seems my stepfather only thinks i'm good for my looks, since that's almost the only time he talks to me. he tells me that i can get guys to do xyz thing for me because i'm pretty (even though i disagree and don't think i am.) i'm sure he thinks it's a compliment but it seems he thinks my destiny in life is to manipulate men into giving me things and being a golddigger. he never has anything nice to say about me as a person, probably because he sees me as lazy and useless. honestly it's hard to disagree with him, i feel like i contribute nothing of value to anybody.
even if i did end up moving to live with my bf, i feel like i'd just be shifting the burden from my parents to my bf, even though my bf has reassured me that's not the case and would be very happy if i moved to live with them. i feel so terrible and like i don't deserve to live at all, being so useless and mentally ill that i can't function "properly" in society. i just want to ctb so i can stop weighing everybody around me down. no matter how much therapy or medication i try, i don't seem to be getting better and everybody's just running out of patience with me and given up on me.
even when i tried to confide in my brother about how sad this made me, he didn't seem to care at all so i didn't tell him. i only have told my bf, who of course was very sweet and reassuring, but i don't want them to feel like i'd move in just because i need a place to live, i would do it because i love them and want to be together. but fuck if i'm not terrified of the prospect of not having anywhere to live, either.
i feel like this fear of mine is putting an unhealthy strain on my relationship and my mental health as well, i'm under so much pressure and i just can't live up to anybody's expectations. it really seems more tempting than anything to ctb before we all have to move.

 

[migimortis]

I hate how crippling depression and anhedonia is equated to simply being lazy. The same people shaming people for failing to measure up are the same people saying "why wouldn't they just reach out" after they've killed themselves. I'm really sorry to hear that op, that's why I don't speak to my family either (or anyone IRL for that matter). At least you was willing to try, sounds like stepdad is the problem not you.

 

[Thanksforeverything]

Hey, I don't know anything about your life or your relationship, but your boyfriend sounds sweet. Maybe give him a chance. If you want to see what it'd be like to live with him, I'd say you can always visit him for a short stay, maybe a few weeks, whatever you're comfortable with. And then take it from there.

 

[CemeteryPet]

It's stuff like this which is why I became a cold-hearted, selfish person. And you know what I've learned? It really pays off. By all means, learn how to defend yourself. If you get humiliated, humiliate back. Not to pick up a fight but to get them to think twice next time. Use your emotions to your advantage. It's very empowering.

This may be a terrible advice, but it really worked for me. I used to be a very sensitive person, it's part of why I became suicidal. As a kid and a preteen I used to want to kill myself every time someone said something to me that made me feel like shit. Literally.

Someone else might give you the advice to prove them people wrong. That's also valid. Either way, put up a nice lil' wall, decorate it with spikes, and do you.

By the way, I'm the loser one of me and my brother also. I used to be extremely ambitious. But I've embraced it. I own it.

 

[Thanksforeverything]

i am grateful to my family for letting me live with them, but god if it isn't painful knowing how much of a failure they see me as, especially compared to my brother.

Sorry about this part though. While my situation's a bit different, I definitely understand your sentiment. I wish I wasn't so different from my sibling who's so much of a better person than I could ever be. I mean I love them, I've seen them struggle, I know how much they've tried to get to the point that they're at right now. But I just can never bring myself to do those things. Even if I did, I don't think I could ever envision a future where I see myself happy through this daily soggy grind that we call life. As migimortis said, it's not always about being hard-working, sometimes your depression and anhedonia just make you feel like there isn't even a point in trying.

 

[Little_Suzy]

Burdening others is always unpleasant.

As an adult, you should take care of yourself because your stepfather has stated that they will not always support you.

People who are too disabled to work should apply for social services to meet their basic needs. Learn how NEETs live independently and support themselves.

Listen carefully to your stepfather, and always ensure that you have your own source of income. For the bare minimum, learn to make money from home.

Why would your mother say anything when she has found a man who will care for her and her adult children? You should learn how to play the same game!

 

[Kasumi]

lemme just come out and say it, u don't have to care, your family isn't worth it.
my family is similar although I'm in a different situation now, since they never bothered to even talk bad about me behind my back, they used to do that while I was literally sitting at the table with them.
I'm used to hear the same things from them, how disappointed they are how lazy I am, not that I care, those people lost any meaning to me a long time ago.

I don't think there's any point in telling them you overheard them, what would it change after all?
You don't even have to be grateful to them or anything, I mean idk how much they actually do for you but it doesn't really sound like much.
Aside from letting you stay which is kinda their responsibility anyway.

I know how hard it is to be trapped like this, getting your life ruined by your family, while at the same time being in no state to be able to work or even survive on your own.
I'd really suggest you consider moving to your bf, don't refuse a chance when you get it, no matter how selfish you may feel,.. it might be your only chance.
Besides what's wrong with being selfish? Who will take care of you if not you yourself?

As an adult, you should take care of yourself because your stepfather has stated that they will not always support you.
People who are too disabled to work should apply for social services to meet their basic needs. Learn how NEETs live independently and support themselves.

While true, it's really not easy, especially not for young adults.
It took me years to even get started on therapy and meds just because I had to start from 0, I knew nothing about how anything works.
My family didn't teach me anything about life, school obviously didn't either, where do you start when you don't know where to even start yk?
Yes, now I can look up things I don't know, but only because I now know where to look and what to look for.

If your family didn't teach you even those basic things then what are you supposed to do?
When you don't even know about how healthcare works, when you don't even recognise what your problems are because things like mental health were a taboo topic?
When you don't know about how life after school is supposed to go cause obviously school was all you knew at that time and no one told you about what comes after.
You only know that you are feeling awful and don't know why, or what to do to get better.
Add to that how hard illness can make it to even get little things like a phone call done.

 

[Some place nice]

I share some of the same feelings as you, my mom has out right told me I was a burden to her, and I fear that I am a burden to my bf as well. I would go visit for a short time if you can, to see if you can live with your bf. I don't have much advise I'm sorry I'm not much help but, try to give your bf a chance, it might just end up being a good thing in the end.