Overcoming SI

[ilysummer]

I truly want to ctb, but cowardice is keeping me alive not my will to live. My selfish, lazy existence is a financial and emotional strain on the people that choose to care about me for some reason. Logging off would be the most selfless thing I have done in years. It would actually be a service to society. How do I overcome SI or just become less of coward for the short period of time required to shut my brain off? I can not stress enough how much of better place the world would be if I left. Any suggestions?

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I truly want to ctb, but cowardice is keeping me alive not my will to live. My selfish, lazy existence is a financial and emotional strain on the people that choose to care about me for some reason. Logging off would be the most selfless thing I have done in years. It would actually be a service to society. How do I overcome SI or just become less of coward for the short period of time required to shut my brain off? I can not stress enough how much of better place the world would be if I left. Any suggestions?

I'm sorry you're in pain. Life is unbearable for many of us. It's very difficult to overcome our basic instinct. It takes a lot of strength and sometimes it can only be overcome when you're pushed in a corner of extreme emotional pain and despair.

 

[EOL4ME]

Agree with @Journeytoletgo ....... sometimes sedatives, benzos, or alcohol can help .... mostly just happens when the point of no return is reached .... the corner. I'm making my hotel reservation very soon since my corner is here ..... I'm not even nervous about what's about to happen. By the way, it's not cowardice .... it's normal biology.

 

[Jblack]

SI is the most difficult thing to over come once the decision to exit is made. It is our nature to survive. I sometimes tell myself that SI is just nature's way to let me know I am not really ready yet. I know the time will come when I will exit and just ignore SI. I have Xanax and alcohol to give me some assistance. Why SI won't let me escape this hell is something I just don't understand. I do get excited at the thoughts of putting that noose around my neck, stepping off the stool and entering the abyss. Keep in mind that SI holding someone back is not a failure on their part. It is just the glimmer of life holding them back on this side.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is not cowardly feeling as though you are unable to ctb, as we are programmed to survive, it is how we have evolved. We may want to die, but the SI can make it hard to leave this world behind. It is difficult to ctb, if it was easier, I would be already gone. I do not have a good answer, but I believe that someday I will eventually reach a point of desperation where I cannot take it anymore and I cannot think past the thoughts of suicide. I agree with what the others have said. We all deserve an option of euthanasia, as then we would not have to deal with the survival instinct. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[fox_wannabe]

My selfish, lazy existence is a financial and emotional strain on the people that choose to care about me for some reason.

Same. I am lazy too and do not want to deal with the world.

 

[ilysummer]

Agree with @Journeytoletgo ....... sometimes sedatives, benzos, or alcohol can help .... mostly just happens when the point of no return is reached .... the corner. I'm making my hotel reservation very soon since my corner is here ..... I'm not even nervous about what's about to happen. By the way, it's not cowardice .... it's normal biology.

I envy that acceptance. Thanks for the advice. I hope you find peace. Hopefully I can find the same strength to do so soon

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

All I need to do is think of my ex fucking this other guy she left me for and I want to CTB…