overcoming SI (failed attempt)

[peewee]

Been trying to go through with fsh a few times now...I get so angry thinking about whats led me here, but I get even more frustrated knowing I will have to keep suffering when I dont do it, even though its other people that pushed me to this point. when I stand at the noose I'm just angry. But I know if I just did it all the pain and suffering would end. It wouldnt matter anymore who did what to me, because I wouldnt be here anymore. Im going to try again, next time Im going to try and think about how I'm not really alone, I feel like you lovely people on SS are with me, becuase we're going through the same thing. And unlike everyone else in my life, I know everyone here would understand and be there with me...trying not to hate myself for not going through with it already. I know theres no rush. I just want it to be over already. I'm going to try again tomorrow, or in a day or two. My windows of opportunity are sporadic. I feel confident fsh will take me out quick. love to you all