Help Over-obsessive romantic thoughts leading to my ctb?

[suicidepanda]

I spend every waking day thinking about my ex-partner. I don't even like to call them my ex-partner. I just have to, because that's the reality. I've never been more suicidal in my entire life, until this.

Frankly, I often deny that this individual has done anything bad to me because of the bond we share, or used to share, I'm not even sure how they feel about me right now. I know that queer relationships, Sapphic ones in specific, often have high rates of abuse. (whether it be emotional manipulation or physical abuse.) I have to admit that I've faced a lot of emotional manipulation in this relationship. They live overseas, but I've known them for about two years now and it always starts off as them seeming like a normal person. It always starts that way. everything is seemingly okay, and then I get stabbed in the heart with some kind of.. emotional breakdown coming from their end, causing us to break up and.. afterwards they always end up apologizing and returning to their regular self. This confuses me. Note that i'm autistic, and this throws our communication off by a lot. maybe im missing a key factor, or i've done something awful that i hadn't realized. I'm always trying to be the best person I can be, always trying to improve.

here's the last message I got before I was blocked for the most recent time: "you're disgusting,
i don't know who you think you are, but i'm not going to indulge you. i don't wanna fall into this shit again. stop talking to me"

We'd been regularly conversating before I was sent this message, and I was truly shocked and confused to receive this out of nowhere.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is really, what should I do? I'm obsessed with them. I can't stop thinking of them. but they've hurt me. yet, they are the only thing that brings me joy. Is there something wrong with me? should I reach out again, or leave it alone and see if I get over it or CTB?

 

[lita-lassi]

sever. those emotional breakdowns of them not talking to you or abusing you actually are part of their normal from what youve said. time spent investing in anything else will help you decided to approach or not again and hopefully its a healthy choice either way and not out of some lack of self worth

 

[Rational man]

I hope you can find space between your emotional connection to this person. I cant help but be reminded of my ex. I was utterly besotted and in love but I was betrayed big time. I was used. I have concluded that im better off alone, free of the drama and inevitable tears that relationships bring. Few relationships last forever and accepting this notion may bring contentment to any relationships that you will have.