Outcast

[fox_wannabe]

I know this is suicidal discussion. But I don't know where to put this thread because It contributes greatly to my suicidal ideation.

I am sick of competing and living among people who can do everything better and with less effort, and at the same time they seam to enjoy life much more. I mean my peers. I have seen them having all the good times. Same with my parent's, I am just an odd. I have been outcasted out of almost every social circle and It is because of things I have no control over. Probably because I am a bit autistic. Though It is funny because everyone would deny It to the teeth that I am odd or weird. They just laugh from It here and there. They think I am quirky, most of them do not stick around. Trying to act or be normal is best I can do, but It is so hard and very exhausting.

But it is not like I want to be around them either. Their presence and strong emotions overwhelm me, they humor often confuses me and people scare me sometimes. I mean we are wild species.

I have problems with dealing with people. Sometimes I don't know what to say and I say wrong things hurting other people. Sometimes people hurt me. What scares me is that I will have to deal with people much more than I am right now. People tell me that I am cool and normal, but I don't feel like It. They are mostly older than me, those who say It. They also told me that I don't look like depressed person or sick in any way. My family non stop check me and ask me if I am "fine".

I feel like I have been born to the place I am not capable in fully living in. Not being able to blend with environment, analyzing everything to deeply, being too self conscious, too self absorbed. I really wish I was not here, but I am not yet capable of commiting to that decision.

 

[Ligottian]

I think "In the world, but not of it" is an expression many here can relate to.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I relate to that a lot. Especially:

I am sick of competing and living among people who can do everything better and with less effort, and at the same time they seam to enjoy life much more.

I feel this to an extreme level, it's really horrible and I just want to die to escape that feeling.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can be very unfair as many people are disadvantaged through no fault of their own. I see myself as not being meant for this world and being unable to cope with life. It is just the way I am and I should have never been born in the first place. I'm sorry you are suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I wish you the best.

Thanks, I wish myself that too. I could maybe cope better If I had fuck ton of money so I don't have to interact with people when I don't want to.

 

[Chiisai]

I know this is suicidal discussion. But I don't know where to put this thread because It contributes greatly to my suicidal ideation.

I am sick of competing and living among people who can do everything better and with less effort, and at the same time they seam to enjoy life much more. I mean my peers. I have seen them having all the good times. Same with my parent's, I am just an odd. I have been outcasted out of almost every social circle and It is because of things I have no control over. Probably because I am a bit autistic. Though It is funny because everyone would deny It to the teeth that I am odd or weird. They just laugh from It here and there. They think I am quirky, most of them do not stick around. Trying to act or be normal is best I can do, but It is so hard and very exhausting.

But it is not like I want to be around them either. Their presence and strong emotions overwhelm me, they humor often confuses me and people scare me sometimes. I mean we are wild species.

I have problems with dealing with people. Sometimes I don't know what to say and I say wrong things hurting other people. Sometimes people hurt me. What scares me is that I will have to deal with people much more than I am right now. People tell me that I am cool and normal, but I don't feel like It. They are mostly older than me, those who say It. They also told me that I don't look like depressed person or sick in any way. My family non stop check me and ask me if I am "fine".

I feel like I have been born to the place I am not capable in fully living in. Not being able to blend with environment, analyzing everything to deeply, being too self conscious, too self absorbed. I really wish I was not here, but I am not yet capable of commiting to that decision.

From what I understand, you feel out of place, is that right? If yes, same here bud. I feel I dont belong here in this world either and Im tired of it.

 

[fox_wannabe]

From what I understand, you feel out of place, is that right? If yes, same here bud. I feel I dont belong here in this world either and Im tired of it.

I don't only feel, I was shown I am out of place. And I am fighting this feeling from the past. It also puts a lot of stress on my as education goes.

Yeah I am pretty tired. I tried so many things. Truth Is I am fucking autistic.

 

[Chiisai]

I don't only feel, I was shown I am out of place. And I am fighting this feeling from the past. It also puts a lot of stress on my as education goes.

Yeah I am pretty tired. I tried so many things. Truth Is I am fucking autistic.

I feel you. Been there too. Well, I can only wish you well in whatever you think is best for you bud. I will be doing my own thing too.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I feel you. Been there too. Well, I can only wish you well in whatever you think is best for you bud. I will be doing my own thing too.

Thank you. <3

 

[Eternity]

As an autistic person, I can totally relate. That's why I sometimes call it autcast instead of outcast. Our brain is just different compared to neurotypicals, which makes you feel lonely/weird/outcast.

I'm sorry you feel this way :( wishing you the best

 

[whatevs]

Yeah, you definitely have the "Out of Place Syndrome". When doing what is mundane and acceptable to people is exhausting and painful, you have succesfully become the living embodiment of "out of place".

Materialistic reductionists would simply ascribe this to a defect or dysfunction in the brain, but if you had paranormal experiences you will understand that materialism is just confusing a part of reality with the whole.

Though, I'm pretty sure that if a skilled team of neurologists picked our brains apart they would surely find something wrong. I just have had some weird experiences that science doesn't account for, that's all. I certainly can see how my brain or personality are a wild gamble in evolutionary terms. Not that I care about evolution, it can kiss my ass.

 

[Rabhen]

I know this is suicidal discussion. But I don't know where to put this thread because It contributes greatly to my suicidal ideation.

I am sick of competing and living among people who can do everything better and with less effort, and at the same time they seam to enjoy life much more. I mean my peers. I have seen them having all the good times. Same with my parent's, I am just an odd. I have been outcasted out of almost every social circle and It is because of things I have no control over. Probably because I am a bit autistic. Though It is funny because everyone would deny It to the teeth that I am odd or weird. They just laugh from It here and there. They think I am quirky, most of them do not stick around. Trying to act or be normal is best I can do, but It is so hard and very exhausting.

But it is not like I want to be around them either. Their presence and strong emotions overwhelm me, they humor often confuses me and people scare me sometimes. I mean we are wild species.

I have problems with dealing with people. Sometimes I don't know what to say and I say wrong things hurting other people. Sometimes people hurt me. What scares me is that I will have to deal with people much more than I am right now. People tell me that I am cool and normal, but I don't feel like It. They are mostly older than me, those who say It. They also told me that I don't look like depressed person or sick in any way. My family non stop check me and ask me if I am "fine".

I feel like I have been born to the place I am not capable in fully living in. Not being able to blend with environment, analyzing everything to deeply, being too self conscious, too self absorbed. I really wish I was not here, but I am not yet capable of commiting to that decision.

We are the same you and I, I could have written this. Yep, it probably is a form of high functioning autism, or at least how it will be diagnosed. To me, my high functioning autism feels less and less fucntioning all the time, expecially the more I have to be around others who do not understand what I go through and experience.

 

[meetapple]

I am not autistic but I go through this all the time. I hate being around people. My therapist, psychiatrist, and family never believe me when I tell them how I am treated. They chalk it up to my illness. I don't really know how to fix this or if it can be fixed. It affects me continuously because I constantly ruminate about it so I can't get anything done.