Fadinglife
Student
- Apr 16, 2019
- 109
This is too much to handle. I do not want to explain to people reasons for leaving anymore. When there was a time they didn't care. I am at a stage where I want my pain to end and I do not want to endure more suffering anymore. I do not want to talk to a stranger or people who not understand the level of pain I am in. All dreams and desires in me are dead or dying, I am losing myself. There would be nothing left to save after some time. I do not wanna beg people to help me but I am in such a helpless state that even my ctb is linked to my freedom. I am so tired and tired of explaining and them not understanding or getting judgements. How hard it is to understand that I want peace, freedom and my pain to end anyway and since I do not have any other way I do not want to be trapped. My condition is getting worse. I can't live with trauma and my pain can't be eased, Everyday I shrink and collapse, this is taking a toll on me. I am afraid I won't even be able to keep my promises to people, although I want to. I am lost and I do not trust the people anymore except a few friends. I am tired of getting hurt by people. There is nothing but misery and pain ahead of me, I don't want that and I am stuck between life and death. It's getting harder and harder to endure. When you directly ask help from people who can they do not respond, some are even reluctant to talk, and flat out don't care. I don't trust them especially because they have broken me from inside. I have no hope. I can't be free and l can't live nor die. Having no privacy or tools and chances of never having it robs of everything, the last shred of human dignity and even for that I am at the mercy of people
