Venting Opting out from Grandma's Funeral

[squirrels]

She died recently and I don't feel bad. She's most likely part of the reason I ended up in dissociated parts, and parts are still scared of her. But towards the last years of her life she ended up with dementia and turned into a mindless sweet old lady, so none of her caretakers knew.

Despite this I'm being guilt tripped into going to her funeral. And this is also despite me saying that I'm still recovering from my concussion. If my family wants to shed fake tears they should do it themselves and not bring me into it.

Why post this? I don't know. Wanting to tell someone but not wanting to be guilted over it, I guess.

 

[Manaaja]

You don't have to go, no need to feel bad about it. Fuck your grandma for treating you badly.

I hope your concussion heals soon. Spend the funeral day doing whatever you want. Eat ice-cream, watch netflix, play video games, whatever.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really relate to this. I have even closer family members (parents) funerals that I can't even express the amount of dread I feel towards. Someone I believe to be a narcissist would be there. They are the reason I became suicidal to begin with. I'd literally do anything not to see them again- including CTB. So, it also runs through my mind that I would just not go or, die myself.

Ultimately, I suppose it depends on what you believe. I don't personally think funerals benefit the person who's dead. They are more about those of us still alive. Then it's whether we feel like we should be there to support them I suppose. I agree though- if it's just a whole load of pretence and, it's all fake then, it does feel weird.

 

[squirrels]

It's over so I guess I don't have to worry about it anymore. Some of the fragments are still there and hold the evidence of the narc abuse. I mostly just spent the day walking outside. Took some painkillers.