141592653
TW She/Her
- Aug 9, 2020
- 119
This text is adressed to the leading people of FixThe26
PS1 -- PS stands for prescriptum
PS2 -- I'm not a native english speaker, so please forgive my language mistakes
PS3 -- Unless specified, "you" is adressed to the people behind the twitter accounts acting for taking down this website, Sanctioned Suicide(hereafter abbreviated SS)
PS4 -- You can expose me if you wish (my real ID is not hard to find), I'm not going to hide myself
PS1 -- PS stands for prescriptum
PS2 -- I'm not a native english speaker, so please forgive my language mistakes
PS3 -- Unless specified, "you" is adressed to the people behind the twitter accounts acting for taking down this website, Sanctioned Suicide(hereafter abbreviated SS)
PS4 -- You can expose me if you wish (my real ID is not hard to find), I'm not going to hide myself
My name is Alice and I am a member of the Sanctioned Suicide website.
I do not want to go and take part of the debate on Twitter because talking on this website triggers my anxiety, though I wanted to speak to you anyway.
Until these last few days I was considering you as people who were fighting for a political cause, and, even though I did not agree with it, I was thinking that the a debate existence of a debate about every societal matter was important. But you changed your strategy and you are now attacking individual people and I can't accept that. So I wanted to raise my voice (well writing …).
Here is what I wanted to say :
My claims :
I/ You are targetting individual people psychologocally fragile who are suicidal. You are actively taking part of making them feel worse so indirectly pushing them to suicide.
II/ You are biased. You (intentionally or not) are focusing on only some of the aspects of SS without acknowledging a lot of other ones (let me stress that I'm not making a quality judgement about those aspects, just that you are missing the essential ones)
III/ You are fighting the wrong people
My requests :
I/ Think with your heart : do not attack fragile people. I'm now strong enough, if you want to attack someone, attack me if you want, but not people who are actively suicidal
II/ Do some research and be well informed. Please educate yourselves.
III/ Please fight with us the real ennemies such as the omerta around suicide or the psychiatric institutions instead of robbing us the last place we have to express ourselves.
Some more developpments :
I/ You are currently carrying a campaign to expose some SS members. I think there are some things you forgot and that nees to be reminded to you.
- Those members are real people who struggle through life. You probably struggle through life too because I know some of you lost one of their relatives recently. I feel sorry for your loss. But that loss does not allow you to make others feel bad for it. If your relative was on SS in a first place, that means that they wanted to kill themselves before they met this community.
Now think about it : Imagine a senario where you're doxing policy leads (and you're not far from it) to harassment of any member of SS and that this very harassment is what decided them to end their life for good. I can assure you that can happen and WILL happen if you do not cease this new crusade at once. You have to know that I will not hold you responsible for that death. But others will. What if those other people were the relatives of the deceased ? You would be basically in their minds the same bloody assassins that you accuse us to be. Would you deserve it ? I don't know, but you would certainly have been the trigger. Could you be attacked in justice for such a death ? Yes, and I'm positive about it, at least in my home country (France) where cyber harassment can lead to imprisonment (see Article 222-33-2-2 of Code Pénal). - Don't forget your relative(s) were part of SS. You are posting screenshots of some of the last words of some people. Now think about it : would you like anybody to publically post your relatives last posts on SS ? This is disrepectful and outrageous for the surroundings of these people as well as for some of us, who might have been great friends of them here. Now I'm not threatening to publish your relatives post (because I respect them) but I can easily find some posts similar to those you posted on your twitter to target SS members.
- If 1. and 2. do not convince you, let me recall again that a political fight should not be individual, what you are doing is defamation.
II/ "You are biased." Well I wrote that sentence but I need to state something : everybody is biased. My main problem is that your bias is just one of the worse angle possible to understand SS community. The thing is nobody can notice they are biased, me included. So instead of trying to argue which angle you should see SS, I'm going to tell you my (biased) story, just because I think it's worth be told.
Let me skip the details of why I became suicidal (it would be way too long and, more important, off topic). So let's say that : in February 2020 I wanted to kill myself.
I had already done 2 serious suicide attempts and both times I was close to have huge physical aftermath (first time I almost cut my median nerve and second time I was 3 days in a coma). I was determined to end my life for good without the risk of getting seriously handicaped after a would be third attempt (which never occured). So I went to SS for suicide methods. I know this is the special part you hate (and the only one you acknowledge the existence by the way) but I'm not going to lie, this was the very reason of me going on SS. I found amazing the fact that people did not have to die alone, that even if their life were ruined, at least they had some kind words before they go, instead of dying alone, forsaken by the society which most of the time failed them. I then discovered how amazing the community was, how tight were the bonds between people, how people were trying to help each other to cope with everyday's life and that it was much more than just a manual to learn how to commit suicide (those exist by the way and anyone willing to learn how to kill oneself could just read through those books). I decided to not die alone and searched for a partner. I found one. But COVID lock down happened and we could not meet and therbye canceled our plans. I decided to stay out of SS during the summer but another event throw me back on it in August. At this moment, there was an incredible vibe on the chat. People were nice, funny, empathetic, supportive and, one of the most important part for me : people didn't judge each other. I finally started to talk about me, the real me, for the first time maybe of my life.
And this real me, that so many people are afraid of, they liked her. And I liked them back. A lot of them became true friends to me and few weeks later, I realized something very important , thanks to the conversations I had with people and this website's philosophy :
Even if I don't really believe in free will here is the thing : we [humans] didn't get to choose whether we lived or not. So I decided that I wanted to be free, to get rid of that burden my parents gave me. I decided to live. I chose it. And as absurd as it could seem, this decision didn't save my life, it literally started it. Because I was miserable before and I had had this question on my mind for so many years that just answering to it with a choice and not a belief set me free of this matter.
Since I made that decision, I have been better and better. Obviously, I still have very bad moments but I had remotly no suicidal thoughts even though I had had some for over 10 years. I started to see SS another way, trying to share this experience because I thought I would be glad to help people do that choice. It began one of my main reasons of getting up every days.
In December, I decided to take a plane to another country to help a member in a huge distress. She's now my girlfriend. I stayed a couple of weeks there and witnessed how little support her surroundings and the health care system gave to her (I'd say on the contrary, healthcare had a very negative influence on her mood and was one of her main reason wanting to die). I was powerless there, not knowing the language, not knowing the laws. So I decided to propose her to come back with me to Paris. She accepted. I took care of her for a month. She was violently ill most of the time and needed full time assistance she never got. She also needed medical help that I could give her thanks to some donations of some members here. At one point my mom paid me a visit and my girlfriend evoked suicidal thoughts. She ended up in psychiatric hospital. There, she was given valium systematically everyday, just as every patient in any psychiatric hospital in France. She called her father for him to get her out. He came, and she got back in her country.
Basically, I didn't achieve much. But it proved at least one thing : there was at least one person who cared about her in the world. And it gave me one thing : there is at least one person who cares about me in the world.
And here I am, writing you a letter because I want to protect her, and all the other people you are attacking individually. You have no right to make them feel worse, and doing so is obviously morally wrong (at least in your moral, if I understood it well).
III/ I'm going to agree with you on something : SS is not a good solution to tackle suicide. But what you don't see is that this is the only one for now. In western countries, as soon as people talk about suicide, they are sectionned. In psychward, in France at least, we are given valium. The purpose of it is to keep people as if you kept sheeps : valium breaks any will to do anything (whether it's positive or negative) so you just need to pilot people to a routine | wash - eat – sleep – eat – sleep – eat-sleep | (a day in french psychward, more or less). Now valium is cool because it makes people forget their problems. It does not make them disappear though. It even creates some : I got addicted to it and rehab for benzodiazepins is hell. Fortunately I don't need a fix anymore [and I don't need your fix either]. So as soon as people are good sheeps, they go out of psychward. But out of psychward, no routine anymore and benzos prescribed in terrific amounts. And most people go back to psych ward a few weeks after they were released.
We need respect (which you clearly don't have for us). We need a peaceful environment where traumas could be processed instead of being burried. But most important :
We need to talk about suicide, and SS is currently one of the only place where we can do freely, without judgement.
This is part of our lives and this is not something healthy to burry inside, unless you want to burry yourself.
Please let us be ourselves.
Alice
PS (Post Scriptum) : I wrote this letter before mahakali's suicide. I can see now how I was right when I wrote "I can assure you that can happen and WILL happen if you do not cease this new crusade at once". I send a lot of love to her relatives and her friends.
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