Venting One bullet away from CTB

[RedDEE]

I own a 12 gauge shotgun, but I only have one bullet.. and it's a weak 'target' load. It's meant for "skeet shooting". Anyways, long story short, the ammunition is weak.

In my situation, it is impossible for me to acquire the correct ammunition - no transportation/money.

I'm scared that the bullet I have won't kill me. It's very frustrating - I have access to a shotgun for the first time in years, but not the correct ammunition and no way to get any!

I've found somebody that says they'll be my partner to CTB soon. It makes me feel relief, but at the same time, I'm so ready to die like right now. At the house I'm staying at, I have searched through the basement, garage, shed, all the rooms and every closet - not a single bullet.

I talked to a gun expert here on the forum, and he told me that it might kill me, but it has a small chance it will only lobotomize me. I'm so afraid the bullet won't immediately kill me - I'm afraid I might end up a vegetable, or die a slowly agonizing death bleeding out. Tonight I feel so bad it makes me consider taking a chance, and hoping it hits the correct area of my brain. But I know I won't, I'm just too scared. If I had the correct ammunition, I swear to god I'd blow my head off right the fuck now. But it's IMPOSSIBLE. And I'm so fucking frustrated. I have a god damn 12 gauge shotgun, and not the right ammo! I'm so close, and so far!

Sorry, just needed to vent.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I know you want out of here but if at all possible I think you should wait until you have a more reliable method. You don't want to be worse than you are now.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I own a 12 gauge shotgun, but I only have one bullet.. and it's a weak 'target' load. It's meant for "skeet shooting". Anyways, long story short, the ammunition is weak.

In my situation, it is impossible for me to acquire the correct ammunition - no transportation/money.

I'm scared that the bullet I have won't kill me. It's very frustrating - I have access to a shotgun for the first time in years, but not the correct ammunition and no way to get any!

I've found somebody that says they'll be my partner to CTB soon. It makes me feel relief, but at the same time, I'm so ready to die like right now. At the house I'm staying at, I have searched through the basement, garage, shed, all the rooms and every closet - not a single bullet.

I talked to a gun expert here on the forum, and he told me that it might kill me, but it has a small chance it will only lobotomize me. I'm so afraid the bullet won't immediately kill me - I'm afraid I might end up a vegetable, or die a slowly agonizing death bleeding out. Tonight I feel so bad it makes me consider taking a chance, and hoping it hits the correct area of my brain. But I know I won't, I'm just too scared. If I had the correct ammunition, I swear to god I'd blow my head off right the fuck now. But it's IMPOSSIBLE. And I'm so fucking frustrated. I have a god damn 12 gauge shotgun, and not the right ammo! I'm so close, and so far!

Sorry, just needed to vent.

I wouldn't take a chance if it were me. I need to have everything perfectly planned out to 99% reliability and practiced, tested and i will. There is no way i won't make sure i 'm not dead. dead is what i need for me not disabled , in pain, nor brain damaged. the dead feel no pain.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Well whatever you decide I hope to see you on the other side cos I like you, you're cool. What did Kurt Cobain use?

 

[RedDEE]

Well whatever you decide I hope to see you on the other side cos I like you, you're cool. What did Kurt Cobain use?

Kurt Kobain did indeed use birdshot ammo. But his face/head stayed intact, the bullets only penetrated into the skull and into the brain. His face/head was still recognizable.

I don't want my face or head to be recognizable when I CTB. I want my head blown off, preferably. I want to look like this guy when it's done and over with,

Spoiler: EXTREMELY GRAPHIC CONTENT - GORE

But at the same time, I have a bullet now that would probably work. But damn I wish it was 100%.

 

[TAW122]

I agree with the others who said not to chance it, and personally, I wouldn't chance it either. A skeet cartridge is one of the weakest rounds (even weaker than birdshot, which is used for killing birds and other small game) for a shotgun.

Also, I don't think any method is ever absolutely 100%, at least in the literal sense, but reliable enough to CTB with, which is good enough for most people (e.g. Me using 00, #4 buckshot with a 12-gauge).

Anyways, I hope you are able to peace and best wishes.

 

[RedDEE]

Thank you.

Also, I want to say, I'm sorry for my harshness in your thread about eternal recurrence. I swear to god, I know that eternal recurrence is impossible. It's so hard for me to convey in language, the knowledge exists as abstract thought in my mind and it's hard to find the words to express it.

I get so passionate when talking about meta-physics. I want you to know, the only reason I get so angry, is because I care. I want people to understand. I don't want people to be more afraid than dying than they have to. I don't want you to be afraid. I love you, bro. We are all family in this life. Humanity is a big fucked up crazy family - but we're family. Sorry I was a dick =(.

 

[ExitStageLeft]

Thank you.

Also, I want to say, I'm sorry for my harshness in your thread about eternal recurrence. I swear to god, I know that eternal recurrence is impossible. It's so hard for me to convey in language, the knowledge exists as abstract thought in my mind and it's hard to find the words to express it.

It's alright; I understand it. I would, however, be interested in hearing your take on existential passages/generic subjective continuity in that thread.

I get so passionate when talking about meta-physics. I want you to know, the only reason I get so angry, is because I care. I want people to understand. I don't want people to be more afraid than dying than they have to. I don't want you to be afraid. I love you, bro. We are all family in this life. Humanity is a big fucked up crazy family - but we're family. Sorry I was a dick =(.

Haha, I don't take any harm from it and I like the discussion. I really wanna hear your thoughts on the aforementioned subject, though.

 

[RedDEE]

Is there anybody around the Virginia area that can bring me a 00 buckshot 12 gauge shotgun shell? Anybody? Please?

 

[StateOfMind]

This is a thread with just dead people. I think I need a gun lol.

 

[Some1's_Wasted_Fetus]

This is a thread with just dead people. I think I need a gun lol.

Yeah seeing all the names scratched out is kinda crazy to think about