Venting On physical looks

[lavenderlilylies]

I've seen the topic of physical appearance be discussed here before (usually negatively). My experience with that is a bit different from I've always known I'm ugly, I know this isn't something interesting to read about, I still want to get it off my chest — long winded way to justify my vent ik.

I can't say I haven't been told I'm "pretty" before. Reasons I'm inclined to believe it: it's been said unprompted many times. And I've heard it from strangers/people I didn't know well. Reason why I still don't: I have access to mirrors.

I don't think I'm just not pretty, I'm hideous that I avoid looking at my reflection. The only way I could describe my features is unfortunate. No different angles work, no makeup works, nothing works. I'm just ugly.

But why would people voluntarily tell an ugly person they're good looking? It truly baffles me. Could it be pity? I'd get that if I asked about it, i wouldn't tell someone they don't look good to their face if they asked after all. But i wouldn't lie just because either.

I just wish I could find an honest, non biased stranger who'd just plain tell me whos eyes are warped. I can't tolerate this face, people complementing it only makes me hate it more.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

Hilariously, it primarily affects the torso. World says I'm man pretty. Facts say that when my clothes come off, I look contagious. (fuck jesus christ)

Just lie to your dysmorphia. Wish it was as easy as lying the diseases away. I wouldn't be here.

im so sorry