Discussion On a scale of 0-10 how hopeful are you that you can find happiness again?

[The Schizoid]

Please leave comments below describing your situation.

 

[Life_and_Death]

0-9 i most likely could recover, ive made a lot of progress. however considering im stressed about my stress, have so many problems theyre replacing each other like a rotating door, i dont have much desire to recover

 

[Darkover]

1 out of 10. they can't fix a brain injury my life was over 8 years ago, i am only alive because i don't have a peaceful method

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

5 outta 10. There's a 50-50 chance that the girl I like likes me back and this would probably be enough to get me to at least consider turning my life around in ways I usually wouldn't consider.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

40, not in bad health, financials could be better but at surviving level.
It's just come to that point that I dont want to play the game anymore.
Thankful for the experiences but hard pass on the future ones.

 

[FuneralCry]

The poll doesn't apply to me as my wish to die isn't an illness. In my case suicide is very rational to prevent suffering in an existence that was always futile, unnecessary and caused nothing but harm in the first place, I see existence itself is the true problem, I find it very tragic how something so repulsive and dreadful as life even exists at all.

I'd always prefer to not exist than to suffer for decades on end in this meaningless existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel, there is no benefit to existence. I don't understand those who act like one is automatically "ill" for wanting to not exist, in my case I just have awareness of how existence truly is so undesirable, for me ceasing to exist is the way to find peace from the torturous and pointless burden of existing as a human.

 

[The Schizoid]

40, not in bad health, financials could be better but at surviving level.
It's just come to that point that I dont want to play the game anymore.
Thankful for the experiences but hard pass on the future ones.

I see. So no mental/physical disorders, but bored with life and have seen enough.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I see. So no mental/physical disorders, but bored with life and have seen enough.

That would be correct. I dont know if I do have a mental disorder or not as i have never been tested but i can and am able to function outside should I choose to.
Dont get me wrong, i wont win any friendship awards, but just enough for a 9-5 without breaking down before I close my front door. LOL.

 

[Cakeisalie]

A factor that interferes a lot in CTB, is my ADHD, I try to carry out all the necessary plans, methods, material but for pure laziness of ADHD I just go to play something or multitask games, the only time I really felt authentic joy was when I used large doses of Vyvanse + Ritalin + Caffeine 3g + Escitalopram, I spent all my youth spending money on psychiatrists, psychologists, medications, in short, now there is no alternative because regardless of the events of my life i will still be choosing ctb in the end, i feel lucky to be able to follow this path instead of giving it into the cruel hands of fate, of pure randomness which we know most of the time does not provide a painless death.

 

[Silent Raindrops]

0

Have it planned out, and will be gone within the next week or so.

 

[The Schizoid]

A factor that interferes a lot in CTB, is my ADHD, I try to carry out all the necessary plans, methods, material but for pure laziness of ADHD I just go to play something or multitask games, the only time I really felt authentic joy was when I used large doses of Vyvanse + Ritalin + Caffeine 3g + Escitalopram, I spent all my youth spending money on psychiatrists, psychologists, medications, in short, now there is no alternative because regardless of the events of my life i will still be choosing ctb in the end, i feel lucky to be able to follow this path instead of giving it into the cruel hands of fate, of pure randomness which we know most of the time does not provide a painless death.

I can sympathise with the ADHD. I have it.

Only thing I can suggest is try to take some time away from technology for a bit. Try engaging in activities outside of your home where you cannot play with devices.

Just try it. Give it a couple of months. Sometimes about focusing on physically engaging tasks can change your mental state and make it clearer.

 

[Cakeisalie]

The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm waiting for the sale of two family properties, so I'd have enough money to try my luck at buying N.

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

2-3, it' a very minor, lingering hope.

 

[The Schizoid]

The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm waiting for the sale of two family properties, so I'd have enough money to try my luck at buying N.

Really? How much is N anyway?

 

[Cakeisalie]

I can sympathise with the ADHD. I have it.

Only thing I can suggest is try to take some time away from technology for a bit. Try engaging in activities outside of your home where you cannot play with devices.

Just try it. Give it a couple of months. Sometimes about focusing on physically engaging tasks can change your mental state and make it clearer.

I tried, I practiced a lot of physical activity, I have an excellent cardio, I spent a lot of money on high quality supplements, exams, testing testosterone levels, yet the improvement was small, my problem has always existed since I was little, I had intrusive thoughts of suicide, I fantasized several ctb scenarios in my head, strange is that at that time I had an extremely active social life, many friends, sports, yet when 2019 arrived I basically died inside, total anhedonia, which persists to this day.

 

[The Schizoid]

I tried, I practiced a lot of physical activity, I have an excellent cardio, I spent a lot of money on high quality supplements, exams, testing testosterone levels, yet the improvement was small, my problem has always existed since I was little, I had intrusive thoughts of suicide, I fantasized several ctb scenarios in my head, strange is that at that time I had an extremely active social life, many friends, sports, yet when 2019 arrived I basically died inside, total anhedonia, which persists to this day.

I get the anhedonia, although at times I can lift it abit.

Did anything happen around 2019? Or did you take any medications that may have contributed to this?

 

[RemainingDubious]

Please leave comments below describing your situation.

Did you mean situation or shituation?

The only reason i'm at 1 is because i'm too much of simpleton to find exactly what i need to be free. otherwise i'd of put 0. In reality i'm more like -666.666

 

[Endofit]

2-3 but I often find myself going down the scale. I've nothing left to live for, missed my shot once, and it pretty much affected every field of my life for good. Im now alone and miserable. Im half dead but somehow something is still pushing me.

 

[Cakeisalie]

I get the anhedonia, although at times I can lift it abit.

Did anything happen around 2019? Or did you take any medications that may have contributed to this?

Nothing happened,I always had ADHD+insomnia+serious social phobia,as time went by I drifted away from many friends,many of them traveled or made families,I am extremely addicted to electronic games they were my escape valve,everything got worse after this mechanism of acceptance (games) did not generate any pleasure,everything became boring and lifeless,black and white, with the help of benzos (Klonopin) I managed to overcome my social phobia and insomnia problems, I started working and made friends because benzo totally removes inhibitory locks, yet at the end of the month it didn't matter what I did with the money or anything new I bought, nothing brought happiness, I resigned after only 5 months of work.
One day I had a dream that I was holding several boxes of N. It was an incredible feeling, but it was just a dream.

 

[The Schizoid]

Nothing happened,I always had ADHD+insomnia+serious social phobia,as time went by I drifted away from many friends,many of them traveled or made families,I am extremely addicted to electronic games they were my escape valve,everything got worse after this mechanism of acceptance (games) did not generate any pleasure,everything became boring and lifeless,black and white, with the help of benzos (Klonopin) I managed to overcome my social phobia and insomnia problems, I started working and made friends because benzo totally removes inhibitory locks, yet at the end of the month it didn't matter what I did with the money or anything new I bought, nothing brought happiness, I resigned after only 5 months of work.
One day I had a dream that I was holding several boxes of N. It was an incredible feeling, but it was just a dream.

Is it possible the benzos caused the anhedonia? Sorry for my ignorance but when someone suffers from complete anhedonia after medication is does make me wonder.

 

[Cakeisalie]

Nothing happened,I always had ADHD+insomnia+serious social phobia,as time went by I drifted away from many friends,many of them traveled or made families,I am extremely addicted to electronic games they were my escape valve,everything got worse after this mechanism of acceptance (games) did not generate any pleasure,everything became boring and lifeless,black and white, with the help of benzos (Klonopin) I managed to overcome my social phobia and insomnia problems, I started working and made friends because benzo totally removes inhibitory locks, yet at the end of the month it didn't matter what I did with the money or anything new I bought, nothing brought happiness, I resigned after only 5 months of work.
One day I had a dream that I was holding several boxes of N. It was an incredible feeling, but it was just a dream.

I forgot, I had two quick ischemic strokes, the second of which was the worst, in which for a few minutes I forgot the names of all the objects around me, I couldn't speak the name of anything, I did magnetic resonance exams without contrast, nothing was found out of the ordinary.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm at 1. I was at 0 about a month and a half ago, when I almost drank my SN. I wish so badly I would've just drank it now.

 

[Cakeisalie]

I forgot, I had two quick ischemic strokes, the second of which was the worst, in which for a few minutes I forgot the names of all the objects around me, I couldn't speak the name of anything, I did magnetic resonance exams without contrast, nothing was found out of the ordinary.

The second stroke I suffered was just four months after Jensen's vaccination. Conspiracy or not, I know three people who have suffered strokes, one of whom was a very fit young man who died of cardiac arrest, the second had reactions on the same day as the vaccination and after seven months he had a stroke, the third man, whom I have a close friendship with, suffered a stroke in November 2023 and has severe damage to one side of his body.
I'll never have a vaccination again, I've only had a vaccination once and that's it.

 

[The Schizoid]

The second stroke I suffered was just four months after Jensen's vaccination. Conspiracy or not, I know three people who have suffered strokes, one of whom was a very fit young man who died of cardiac arrest, the second had reactions on the same day as the vaccination and after seven months he had a stroke, the third man, whom I have a close friendship with, suffered a stroke in November 2023 and has severe damage to one side of his body.
I'll never have a vaccination again, I've only had a vaccination once and that's it.

Yeah. The anxious part of me is concerned my issues may be caused by a sneaky form of covid that wasn't picked up on a test, or maybe a side effect of a vaccination.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

No hope.

 

[26mmmm]

The poll doesn't apply to me as my wish to die isn't an illness. In my case suicide is very rational to prevent suffering in an existence that was always futile, unnecessary and caused nothing but harm in the first place, I see existence itself is the true problem, I find it very tragic how something so repulsive and dreadful as life even exists at all.

I'd always prefer to not exist than to suffer for decades on end in this meaningless existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel, there is no benefit to existence. I don't understand those who act like one is automatically "ill" for wanting to not exist, in my case I just have awareness of how existence truly is so undesirable, for me ceasing to exist is the way to find peace from the torturous and pointless burden of existing as a human.

If you hate existence so much why are u still alive?

 

[RollingGiant]

2. I feel like an alien that was meant to be born on another planet; my expectations for how people should act are totally out of whack. There's no space for me to live a decent life here. Even if I do everything I can to live the one I want, my need for community, to feel like there are at least some people out there I can trust, will never be fulfilled.

 

[The Schizoid]

The poll doesn't apply to me as my wish to die isn't an illness. In my case suicide is very rational to prevent suffering in an existence that was always futile, unnecessary and caused nothing but harm in the first place, I see existence itself is the true problem, I find it very tragic how something so repulsive and dreadful as life even exists at all.

I'd always prefer to not exist than to suffer for decades on end in this meaningless existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel, there is no benefit to existence. I don't understand those who act like one is automatically "ill" for wanting to not exist, in my case I just have awareness of how existence truly is so undesirable, for me ceasing to exist is the way to find peace from the torturous and pointless burden of existing as a human.

Sure but if someone isn't mentally or physically ill, they'd likely not want to CTB, as a satisfying life is possible.

Existence is a problem if your quality of life is so bad that non-existence is preferable. If your quality of life makes existence preferable to non-existence, there's no reason to ctb.

 

[Forever Sleep]

2-3. Not so much a lingering hope. I don't really believe in miracles coming from out of the blue to turn life around. Change takes effort and resilience- lots of it and they are two things I want to CTB to get away from! I'm tired and ready for my forever rest.

It's more that CTB is very likey, although not just now- because I'm waiting for my Dad to go first. Then, I'm not 100% sure I have the guts to do it. It would more likely be that fear of failing an attempt, or fear of the attempt itself trapping me here, rather than some residual hope for the future. I won't know for sure I guess till the time comes.

 

[Hunter2005]

1 out of 10. they can't fix a brain injury my life was over 8 years ago, i am only alive because i don't have a peaceful method

Same as I went on it got worse