ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
4,250
I'd say it's around 7 for me right now but it can reach up to 10 quickly
 
Lullaby

Lullaby

šŸŒ™
Mar 9, 2022
650
It's definitely a 9, but I'm doing so much disassociating that I can't fully process anything that's going on. It's like my brain is also trying to protect itself. Whenever I do register what's happening, I have a full-blown breakdown. it's been a few weeks since that's happened, though, despite things continuing to fall apart.

It's about to get even worse this week, since on Friday (thanks to my bank) I'll be going into some unmanageable debt. So bad that I won't even be able to cover my bills next month...but I'm just ignoring it. Just sleeping a lot, listening to music, reading. Anything to forget I and my life exist.

ETA: Ah, I don't know why, but writing this made me break my no-cry streak.
 
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Tired_only

Tired_only

Tired
Sep 22, 2021
29
was getting better for a while, probs becaus of my meds, but it seems like it is getting worse again... which kinda scares me... but eh... so idk a 4 (if we are talking about real, hard, paralyzing depression)

worst I ever got was between 8 and 9 I think... still could do the basics, but felt like hell and just wanted to sleep and never wake up... was lying in bed most of the time, living in my head with much efforts to forget that there is an outside world.
This is me everyday didnt know some people consider it paralysing depression. I cant even do the basics.
 
Raindancer

Raindancer

Specialist
Nov 4, 2023
316
Was a full on 10 for the last few months, currently am getting a breather at 3. I am sorry for everybody at the high end, it's so painful.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
37,160
I wouldn't really see my feelings towards existence as being "depression", rather I just see wanting to die as a valid and understandable way to feel, to me it only makes sense hating existing and feeling so tired of it and I'm always wishing to permanently cease existing. Only death can bring relief from all future suffering after all.
 
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Smelly_ballz

Smelly_ballz

No hope in heaven, No fear of hell
Oct 30, 2023
122
8. I had a sobbing fit last week bc I realized I'd share my last kiss with my lover and they will never know. Now I feel nothing. I feel nothing because I made my decision and have came to terms with it. At least once a day I'll hit 9-10.
 
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venin.n

venin.n

Text
Nov 2, 2023
329
8. I had a sobbing fit last week bc I realized I'd share my last kiss with my lover and they will never know. Now I feel nothing. I feel nothing because I made my decision and have came to terms with it. At least once a day I'll hit 9-10.
I'm sorryšŸ«‚
 
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lament.

lament.

the Immortal
Jun 28, 2023
163
9.5 but it could go to 11 at any moment at this point cause too much is fucked up right now
 
A

anxious_depressive

I'm in despair
Dec 21, 2021
225
8-9

I'm just rotting in bed and I can't do anything.
I have no strength, my arms and legs feel like lead.

I am ashamed of my uselessness.
 
Archness

Archness

Defective Personel
Jan 20, 2023
468
Usually around 5, sometimes a bit lower, sometimes a bit higher. Often I'll be a 8 for a while, or a 2. Sometimes I suddenly feel suicidal, like 9 or 10

Right now? 0, my brain happens to be having a good day, and I have a personal project to look forward to.

But constantly: There's no place for me, nothing to look forwards too. All these annoying things and responsibilities just to be able to pass the time until I die? No hope, no success, I'm basically a failure. Why do I even live? Why don't I end it already? The only difference with "zero" and "ten" is really just how I care about those things right now, and if the thing to pass this life over is enjoyable enough, like that game or my project.
 
piddincir

piddincir

Student
Nov 6, 2023
180
I would say a 9 but that's only because im saving my 10 for the day I go
 
DyingToDie123

DyingToDie123

she/her
Oct 25, 2023
385
9 only because I'm not so catatonic to not be able to post on this forum etc. But I would like to ctb now.
 
P

princejohnny

Member
Oct 31, 2023
25
8.
My anxiety is out of control and it feeds my depression. I feel like a completely worthless lump of meat shaped like a human being.
 
MeltingBrain

MeltingBrain

Mage
May 29, 2023
563
Nodding Approve GIF by Ford
 
kilowatt

kilowatt

Guns don't kill people I kill people
Sep 9, 2023
376
I'm gonna say a 9. My due date is this month.
 
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R

relax

New Member
Nov 4, 2023
4
Probably an 8. I wouldn't mind if I died or if someone killed me. I'm in the middle of life and death and I'm one trigger away from suiciding
 
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wait.what

wait.what

no really, what?
Aug 14, 2020
983
I'm probably at about a 7. Not too sure what to do about it right now.

I'm just rotting in bed and I can't do anything.
I have no strength, my arms and legs feel like lead.
Honestly, I might just do this. ^
 
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ohyouknow

ohyouknow

Member
Jun 11, 2022
76
Have no idea. I drown my depression in alcohol. I'd have to stop drinking to see what my mind is really like right now. Sorry you're at a 10.
 
KillerIsMe

KillerIsMe

Member
Aug 26, 2023
73
In a weird state where I'm nto that depressed but still quite suicidal. Or maybe I don't realize how depressed I am.
 
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Morte

Morte

Specialist
Nov 23, 2023
356
8
life is even more meaningless when im poor
 
Soc

Soc

Member
Dec 9, 2023
71
9. I'm just waiting for the right time to fight the SI and carry out my plan. I don't have the right place and equipment yet.
 

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