N33dT0D13
It/Xe
- Apr 2, 2023
- 159
Because if God were any flavor of real and any shade of kind then that fucker would just send me someone who is exactly like me so we can burrow into each other's lives and flesh and souls and block out this shitty horrible world together and never have to worry again but nooooo, asshole 
Cuz I don't want to be known or seen but goddammit if it has to happen anyway then I want it to be thorough
...I feel so guilty, about fucking everything. I feel guilty about what I'm thinking and feeling right now. I feel guilty about how guilty I feel. I feel so guilty that my guilt is causing me to not confide in my best friend when I only opened that stupid app to talk to him specifically because my stupid tarot card of the day warned me about fucked up communication and he's asked me to confide rather than isolate but he's got other shit to worry about and I don't wanna burden him any more than I have even though he assures me that I'm not a burden
I feel guilty that I sperged out hard on him last time rambling about stupid indie games I'm obsessed with. I feel guilty that I vented to him about wanting to kill some of my neighborsbut only because they genuinely do deserve it
I feel guilty that I'm angry with him for not reading my mind, for letting the convo drop when I hit him up out of the blue like I don't have something on my mind though the onus is on me to just fucking COMMUNICATE
I found perhaps the perfect friend for me and I'm still fumbling it cuz I'm me
He says I'm not annoying now but what if he doesn't realize he's annoyed with me? What if he starts hating me and doesn't even realize until it's far too late???
I hate existing lmaooooo
Hehe, the days I used to fear someone being able to read my mind...
Cuz I don't want to be known or seen but goddammit if it has to happen anyway then I want it to be thorough
...I feel so guilty, about fucking everything. I feel guilty about what I'm thinking and feeling right now. I feel guilty about how guilty I feel. I feel so guilty that my guilt is causing me to not confide in my best friend when I only opened that stupid app to talk to him specifically because my stupid tarot card of the day warned me about fucked up communication and he's asked me to confide rather than isolate but he's got other shit to worry about and I don't wanna burden him any more than I have even though he assures me that I'm not a burden
I feel guilty that I sperged out hard on him last time rambling about stupid indie games I'm obsessed with. I feel guilty that I vented to him about wanting to kill some of my neighbors
I feel guilty that I'm angry with him for not reading my mind, for letting the convo drop when I hit him up out of the blue like I don't have something on my mind though the onus is on me to just fucking COMMUNICATE
I found perhaps the perfect friend for me and I'm still fumbling it cuz I'm me
He says I'm not annoying now but what if he doesn't realize he's annoyed with me? What if he starts hating me and doesn't even realize until it's far too late???
I hate existing lmaooooo
Hehe, the days I used to fear someone being able to read my mind...
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