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lnlybnny

Specialist
Jan 25, 2024
308
first of all this isn't my sole reason for ctb. i want to go for many reasons, not being able to fit in in the world (having a career/job etc) being one of the main ones.

about my ''father'': gladly he doesn't live in the same state as me as he left when i was a child and we're not really THAT close even though i used to travel and spend my holidays with him when i was a child/teen, he always paid a lot of things for me besides being emotionally cold and distant. anyways he's here in my city atm, and he is being so fake to me.

he started talking nasty shit about me (that i know of at least) some 6 months ago to other people like my mother, and he doesn't even wanna take me out for dinner like he used to (he only takes my minor sibling now). actually my sibling told me she wanted to invite me to go to the mall with them but he said about me: ''nah let's leave her at home.'' this is so RIDICULOUS. my sibling said she wanted to invite me to go out and have dinner with them but didn't because he didn't even want to invite me to go to the mall so she didn't even mind. it's crystal clear he doesn't want to spend any money on me anymore. i know it might sound immature from me talking this way but i have to keep this short... there are many variables and nuances to this story, this is not about dinner or material things.

i feel betrayed. i feel he never truly loved me.

i just wish he would be honest with me and talk to my face how much he despises me and how he doesn't WANT anything to do with me anymore, especially paying stuff for me (it's been a long time since i asked for anything from him anyway).

perhaps he's trying that ''tough love'' approach with me. in his messages to me he is all ''love and peace'', he acts like he loves me through his superficial, short words. i also don't want to open myself and talk to him about this as i don't really have anything to say, my situation is ridiculous, i feel like a clown. i just want to stay away, from him and from mostly everyone. i can't stand fake people like him. he can't stand me anymore because i'm a almost 30 neet who never had a job.

i wish i could be one of these people who get to live and tell their beautiful and inspiring stories after going through hardships but i'm afraid my story has to lead to ctb?! well i didn't ask to be born and i don't have any career dreams or goals so ctb is the only choice i see as my way out of this situation. i plan on buying SN in the next few weeks, even though i feel so nervous even about buying it.

how would you act in my place?

what is your opinion?

am i the idiot in this story?

am i the nonsensical douchebag?

i'm feeling so terrible and betrayed but also ridiculous for not being an independent adult and having failed lauching into adult whilst my peers are all thriving and succeeding. this pain is unbearable.
 
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vinylzstar

vinylzstar

Member
Feb 19, 2024
13
you're not the bad person in this story, if he's trying to teach you tough love, this isn't the correct approach. if I was in your place, I'd give him the treatment back.
 
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lnlybnny

Specialist
Jan 25, 2024
308
you're not the bad person in this story, if he's trying to teach you tough love, this isn't the correct approach. if I was in your place, I'd give him the treatment back.
thank you for responding <3 what do you mean by giving him the treatment back?

i try to stay away from him as much as i can and also i don't send messages regularly anymore
 
vinylzstar

vinylzstar

Member
Feb 19, 2024
13
ye
thank you for responding <3 what do you mean by giving him the treatment back?

i try to stay away from him as much as i can and also i don't send messages regularly anymore
like, don't text him unless he texts first and continue to avoid him, be as blank and empty as possible with him, and when he asks why, communicate why you feel that way, if that doesn't work, no contact unless nessecary
 
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lnlybnny

Specialist
Jan 25, 2024
308
ye

like, don't text him unless he texts first and continue to avoid him, be as blank and empty as possible with him, and when he asks why, communicate why you feel that way, if that doesn't work, no contact unless nessecary
in the past few months i've been clearly more blank, but he is so cold i'm not even sure he perceived it
 
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LaughingGoat

Mage
Apr 11, 2024
597
how would you act in my place?

I can't relate to your exact experience here, but I have cut off multiple family members for far less than how your father acts, simply cutting them off because they were negative people who I had no interest in continuing to interact with. I've never regretted walking away from any of them and I encourage having a zero drama life as much as you can.

what is your opinion?

That being said, it's your relationship and if you do want to confront him to speak his mind in order to mend the issues, that's a fair choice as well. I can advise how I would act, but everyone is looking for different things in life. I think another perspective that can be helpful to truly weigh is he someone you want in your life is consider if he wasn't your father. Basically, if you had no blood relation and he was just some guy you knew, would you really put up with his behavior towards you. If there are avenues to continue having a relationship with your siblings without him being able to block that, then that removes another factor in that decision.

am i the idiot in this story?

No, he's I assume twice your age or more and he's acting like a child speaking behind your back and insulting you to your sister. A grown man should know and act better.

am i the nonsensical douchebag?

I mean I hope you don't spit on homeless people or kick kittens, but no you're not the douchebag in this story.
 
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lnlybnny

Specialist
Jan 25, 2024
308
confront him, then, and don't sugarcoat anything
what do you think i should say? i don't have energy to anything and i hate ''drama'', that's why i prefer to stay away
how would you act in my place?

I can't relate to your exact experience here, but I have cut off multiple family members for far less than how your father acts, simply cutting them off because they were negative people who I had no interest in continuing to interact with. I've never regretted walking away from any of them and I encourage having a zero drama life as much as you can.

what is your opinion?

That being said, it's your relationship and if you do want to confront him to speak his mind in order to mend the issues, that's a fair choice as well. I can advise how I would act, but everyone is looking for different things in life. I think another perspective that can be helpful to truly weigh is he someone you want in your life is consider if he wasn't your father. Basically, if you had no blood relation and he was just some guy you knew, would you really put up with his behavior towards you. If there are avenues to continue having a relationship with your siblings without him being able to block that, then that removes another factor in that decision.

am i the idiot in this story?

No, he's I assume twice your age or more and he's acting like a child speaking behind your back and insulting you to your sister. A grown man should know and act better.

am i the nonsensical douchebag?

I mean I hope you don't spit on homeless people or kick kittens, but no you're not the douchebag in this story.
thank you so much for your thoughtful response <3 i still feel lack of confidence to cut him off completely since he still pays for some stuff for ''the house'' and i don't know how to act towards this fact... also i don't have the energy to go get a job and everything, i only think about ctb'ing all the time
 
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Worndown

Worndown

Visionary
Mar 21, 2019
2,639
Not every father brings honor to the title.
Putting it bluntly...f**k him. You have your life and he has his.
Can you exist without him? I hope so!
 
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