anon7245
Member
- Jun 8, 2024
- 16
I took shrooms last night, I immediately regretted it after finishing them all and I was walking around with my friends but I was sortve panicking the whole time. The last time I took shrooms I ended up attacking my friends but they assured me it would be different this time. I barely remember anything when I was outside but I somehow managed to get home to which I spent a few hours
I think my mind would've shattered and maybe not have recovered but the one thing that kept me sane was the thought of my Ex. She is the perfect human being in my eyes. After my mind got sorted I had an out of body experience where it seemed I was experiencing being possessed by the Holy Spirit, writing myself notes among the lines of God is real and to follow God. But also telling myself to go get my ex back. I currently really can't get my ex back as she's with another partner, and wants nothing to do with me but I kindve can't help but view this as a sign of some sort. Even if we never get back together I think this is sortve my answer to the question will I ever find love again. We didn't even date for 2 years but I could just tell we were soulmates, destined to be in paradise together but because I strayed so far from God I ended up ruining it. I wonder if I accept God properly into my life that I'll be able to eventually get back with my soulmate, otherwise I think I'll just stay alone. I'm fine with that. Both me and my ex was right. She told me she knows I can find happiness away from her, and she's right. But I also know I'll never love anything as much as I loved her. All my anger, pain, even the Lord can barely match the amount of Love in my heart for that woman. I wish I hadn't ruined things with her. But I'll always love her. I no longer hold any hatred towards her, and finally I can say that with pure confidence. I hope her and her new partner are doing well, even if I do slightly wish things ended with them so I could swoop in. But since I can't force people to do things, I finally get to just focus on bettering myself. While the trip was torture, it gave me the answers I needed to move on (to a degree) and finally start my path of being a better person.
molesting myself badly. It must've been me reliving the time I was molested at a very young age
