OD Experience and questions

[tired_fishnoodle]

I've tried to ctb by overdosing before, never successfully. The last time I attempted I had the worst experience.

I took a combination of a bunch of stuff I had in my house. Ik its not the smartest but I was desperate to be gone THAT moment. Anyway- this is how my experience went:
(Graphic detail warning)
After swallowing what I could, I layed down in my bed and just tried to sleep. I couldn't for a while, but thats normal for me. Eventually, I either fell asleep or passed out, I have no clue. I remember being in and out of consciousness. I heard my cat meowing, and he was by my pillow somewhere. Faded to black again and woke up laying on my back, choking on my own vomit. I guess my body decided to go survival mode on its own because when I could open my eyes again, I was partially on my stomach with my arm hanging off my bed. Out again and I started having a weird nightmare. It was just very vividly, someone trying to beat me to death. They were slamming my head in the ground, trying to crack my skull or something. I came to several times to me, laying on my back on the hard floor, lifting my head up and slamming it down as hard as I could. I couldn't control my body at all, I was hardly conscious and I'm shocked I can even remember some of these bits. I ended up putting my hand behind my head so it was slamming on my palm instead of the floor. I remember thinking "why cant I just die already?" I didn't care about the pain, or the puke, or the crazy hallucinations I started having. But my body just kept ruining it. Trying to prevent more damage ig.

For some reason, I ended up sitting up, leaning against my bed. It was pitch black because it was late at night. I started seeing bugs on my wall, and shadows of men outside my window. I even hallucinated my boyfriend entering my apartment. He was sitting around the corner of a wall and would just peak out at me. Then he got up at some point and just sat in front of me. Staring. No expression, no words. Just staring at me in that pathetic state. After that, I couldn't stop my limbs from shaking. I think I was starting to have a seizure but I'm not sure. When I woke up again I was in the bathroom, my boyfriend was there and he was cleaning blood from my head and a cut on my eyebrow.

I don't plan on ODing again, this has definitely changed my perspective on it and if or when I try again, I'll be choosing a more successful method. Not only this, but I have problems taking medications now because my body seems to just instantly reject it every time. It takes an unreasonable amount of effort for me to swallow pills. I swear I can still taste the bitterness in my throat, and smell that clinical-medicine smell even when theres nothing to cause it.

Has a failed attempt ever resulted in something like that for you afterwards?
Has anyone else had any similar experiences?
Has something ever happened that took a specific method off the table for you?

 

[Gomomon]

Hi Tired fish, I shared a very similar experience to yours I think I can answer your questions. I ODed on Wellbutrin XL half a bottle with some rum and soju, weird combo Ik I was also desperate. I thought I did good research prior, but the thing about ODing is its very tricky and your body will fight really, really hard to stay afloat, its kind of not a good method unless you have everything to a T. Everything depends on your weight, what you ate, what you comboed it with. If you take too much of something, you will seize, vomit, and risk puking it all out of your system, or choking on your throwup and dying, but you have to be asleep for that, I believe. I could be wrong about this all btw im not an expert I just also attempted. For me I didnt seize but I was checked into the hospital, I had heart arrhythmia, my heart was skipping beats. I saw so many bugs. they were invisible and looked like X's, they crawled in the barf bowl I had. I wasnt very scared but my speech was slurred and I was trying to be cooperative, and they gave me charocal and I puked my whole stomach out. The feeling of downing the pills was so uncomfy I agree, and I had so much addreline from doing it. But I wasnt able to follow through, called my friend and got scared. I feel like OD is so tricky and quite risky high chance of you just calling 911 yourself, it failing and you being in serious pain, or just not working and you wake up. So its off the table for me. At least for random things I find around the house. I would be open to a kit, or Sodium Nitrate in combination with meds that make you less likely to puke it out. SN also doesn't risk a serious disorder after a failure.