Obsessed with a daydream character. To the point that that drives me suicidal

[Parnate]

I am so obsessed with being that character that I have been daydreaming so much about. that today my real life feels very uncomfortable and unacceptable . Particularly on weekends , I have a good roommate who wants to go out, I have friends who are great and living, I could reach out to them for hanging out. But all my mind is consumed with is this ideal character and what life would be like, weekends would be like, festivities would be like were I him. It has been more than a year now and with the passage of time I am growing distant from my real life, from reality itself. I just don't want to or cannot accept this life I have. Yesterday night I was about to hang myself as I was unable to bear not being that character.
Any suggestions ideas to deal with this. I told my therapist about daydreaming and he said that it is a thought and you can't really not have thoughts.
My therapist doesn't know about me being suicidal as I am afraid I could lose the free therapy I am getting if I told him about that.
My therapy is free of cost thanks to free therapy program by my company.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I'm sorry you're going through that. I was reading your post and thinking that was a quite interesting situation to be in, albeit obviously painful. Like, you can imagine a life that it's worth living for you but your own life doesn't compare to that fantasy so it feels pointless to live it.

What are the most important things in your dream life that you don't have in your real life?
Or is it a matter of experiences in the dream life being more fulfilling or romanticized? E.g. a romance in the dream life being emotionally intense while in reality it is dull

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Ha, that reminds me of when I got really into VLD and become completely obsessed with Keith. Still my favourite character from that show and has a special place in my heart. I honestly feel like this is a pretty common issue nowadays. I, personally, can say that I've had this happen to me on a few occasions in the past and it's even happening right now. If you are anything like me, eventually this will start dying down over time.

 

[cait_sith]

What you described is something that is being referred to as "Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder" or MDD. There isn't much research on it but there is a subreddit about it with 120k members that might help you. They have resources in the pinned post https://www.reddit.com/r/MaladaptiveDreaming/s/ZZWMFkS3KQ

I suffer from this too. Do you also pace or do repedetive movements while daydreaming? I did this all my life and I don't think I will ever be able to stop.

 

[Mirrory Me]

One thing you could try is to is to draw that character, or buy a toy that resembles him/her.

 

[2messdup]

This might help?

Home - ISMD

The International Society for Maladaptive Daydreaming The ISMD is a global nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of persons with Maladaptive Daydreaming (MD) through community engagement, advocacy, raising public […]

maladaptivedaydreamingsociety.com

 

[consider]

Do you also pace or do repedetive movements while daydreaming?

I do this too! shocked. I've been doing it since I was a child. I think I'm just a freak so I never tell anyone about it and consider it a dissociative behavior. Thank you for the info. I haven't started researching it yet, but knowing what's wrong with me is kinda relief—just like when I first knew there is a thing called cptsd.

 

[Parnate]

What you described is something that is being referred to as "Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder" or MDD. There isn't much research on it but there is a subreddit about it with 120k members that might help you. They have resources in the pinned post https://www.reddit.com/r/MaladaptiveDreaming/s/ZZWMFkS3KQ

I suffer from this too. Do you also pace or do repedetive movements while daydreaming? I did this all my life and I don't think I will ever be able to stop.

I don't pace but act out and make expressions and sort of act histrionic

 

[Divinus]

I suffer from this too. Do you also pace or do repedetive movements while daydreaming? I did this all my life and I don't think I will ever be able to stop.

I do the exact same thing! I've been doing this what feels like all my life. I usually spin around in my chair, walk around my room or completely idle.

The stories I've curated are endless, most if not all being about a 'better me' another 'me' that is not me. Which I consider to be the driving part in my suicidal ideation, my insecurities overwhelm me. I envy the person I dream of being, yet I feel like its impossible to ever be him.

 

[sevennn]

im killing myself for not just this reason but this is a big one. there's no point for me to live. my life will never be like i want it in my head. daydreaming has turned painful, i truly thought i could have it. now i'm writing my SN plan

 

[Parnate]

This might help?

Home - ISMD

The International Society for Maladaptive Daydreaming The ISMD is a global nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of persons with Maladaptive Daydreaming (MD) through community engagement, advocacy, raising public […]

maladaptivedaydreamingsociety.com

Thanks for this will go through

 

[2messdup]

Thanks for this will go through

Hope it helps x

 

[cait_sith]

I do this too! shocked. I've been doing it since I was a child. I think I'm just a freak so I never tell anyone about it and consider it a dissociative behavior. Thank you for the info. I haven't started researching it yet, but knowing what's wrong with me is kinda relief—just like when I first knew there is a thing called cptsd.

Yeah, really happy my post brought you some relief. I thought I was the only one in the world who did that too until I made a forum post about it back in 2011 I think and someone pointed out there is a term for it. it was back when the "Maladaptive Daydream"-term just started to pop up in a psychologist paper, it was good to know that I wasn't the only one, but it was a throwback that it was said that's it's usually the result of coping with some kind of trauma, while I just did it since I could think as little child where there was zero trauma as far as I know. With age the contence of my daydream shifted, from me making up my own cartoons in my head to just dreaming about me being successful and liked, the creativity is sadly mostly gone.

 

[firewoodduck]

Other people have alr motioned its called maladaptive daydreaming. I have it also and it does eat up a bunch of my time, even when I'm at school or work I'm looking for repetitive motions innocuous enough so I can daydream such as walking or sorting things. You are fs not alone in this :)