Help Obsessed and in love, any help?

[fearandlov3]

Still obsessed with/in love with my ex boyfriend. Talking about it to my therapists does not help because nothing genuinely seems to help, the only tips I've gotten from people are to "cut him off" well one, I don't have a job nor am I in school anymore so I'd be cutting off my only in person friend. Two, he's genuinely one of my best friends and I actually am to him too(??) I think. I've already been rejected by him and the feelings come back after while. Pro tip if you want to give any advice (no absolute need to , but I would appreciate it) I probably have quiet BPD, been experiencing symptoms heavily throughout my teenage years, and
now too.

Little rant/vent/more info:
It's gotten to the point where it's a serious like…FP situation. I've never had one so bad and I'm afraid of losing him because if he knew all my thoughts he'd probably be scared. All I want is him in a loving, romantic sense. We barely even dated, he broke up with me after the honeymoon phase, which hurt a lot because I'm a hard lover. He's perfect in my eyes even thought I notice his flaws, I'm 100% content with them and I still want him as mine. I feel like a crazy 15 year old sometimes who's experiencing obsessive love for the first time and god does it SUCK. Also little note, I can get delusional over him and to put it quite frankly..he's an accidentally-flirty-autistic. And it pains me because I'm the autistic that takes everything sweet from someone I like as an advance on me, which I know isn't the truth but this man CONFUSES ME. He will say the sweetest thing or cuddle up on me and I'll be like "okay so he wants me" when he doesn't want me at ALL. He said it himself once, (he apologized for the way it came off but-) he said he didn't want me to have feelings for him and it honestly broke me. He's always complaining about needing a lover and I'm literally right here?? Sorry that sounded cringe but dear lord does this mother fucker piss me OFFFF…but I gen don't mind cuz I love him so much..also I should mention that we go to the same autistic young adult club so it would be quite hard to avoid him. Parts of me is sad because if I had him again, would it last? Would I be good to him? I don't know even though last time we were together he said things like "you were great to me" and "you deserve the world".

So story over I want to kill myself 24/7 over some white man. Any advice?

 

[Mirrory Me]

Not being able to get someone sometimes increases that attraction. His behavior doesn't seem very empathetic, it's hard to tell if he's doing it just to get attention for himself. Preferably give it to someone who will answer you back.

 

[fearandlov3]

Not being able to get someone sometimes increases that attraction. His behavior doesn't seem very empathetic, it's hard to tell if he's doing it just to get attention for himself. Preferably give it to someone who will answer you back.

I agree honestly, thank you

 

[TooConscious]

Ah, the worst sickness known to mankind.

 

[chewychocolate]

Try to find new hobbies to distract yourself from thoughts about him. I get that hes your only friend, but this seems to be one-sided, as it looks like hes only keeping you around for company. I know itll hurt alot to cut him off, but for the sake of both of you, its for the best.

Not being able to get someone sometimes increases that attraction. His behavior doesn't seem very empathetic, it's hard to tell if he's doing it just to get attention for himself. Preferably give it to someone who will answer you back.

I agree with the last sentence. Youre wasting your time with still trying with him, when he already told you he didnt want you to have feelings for him. Id say to respect his wishes and to find someone else to give your attention to.

You deserve so much better.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

That sounds like codependence. Maybe start with expanding your circle of friends and getting close with others.

 

[Sadshark]

Your situation feels strangely familiar, but if the feeling isn't reciprocated, there's nothing that can be done. This feeling can be scary for him and end up hurting both of you.

 

[Lonelyhotcake]

I've made a post similar to yours... and I got this information:

 

[fearandlov3]

Thank you

 

[Adûnâi]

I still talk to the shrine of the girl who died, but I don't worry too much because I never hoped for anything. Maybe low self-esteem is of help?

 

[Lonelyhotcake]

(I tried to sent you a DM but I couldn't, so I'm posting it here lol)

Hi. I'm going through the same. I'm in love with a friend and he was in love with me too at first but then he decided that I was "forcing" him to have a relationship and start treating me like a slut. Just like you and that guy. Worst part? He was my only friend too, so we lose two people in one: a lover and a friend.

I understand that you both are autistic but it's manipulation... like he understands you're in love and flirts then pretend nothing happened. He has no emotional responsibility.

When you say: "I've already been rejected by him and the feelings come back after while"... it's because he does something? I was rejected like 10 times too, but then he flirts with me and my heart goes crazy, so I understand you.

"He's perfect in my eyes even thought I notice his flaws, I'm 100% content with them and I still want him as mine" I think that too, but I made a list of his flaws and repeat them myself to death like "Oh who are you in love with uh? The homophobic guy?"... it helped a little bit.

However, the video I sent you didn't help me but I hope it can help you. You can talk to me if you need to vent more.

 

[fearandlov3]

Thank you so much, it feels like I'm alone a lot so this means a bunch <3

 

[Labyrinth]

By "Honeymoon Phase" I mean that after sex he lost interest in you. Because one of men's greatest motivations is sexual gratification and not emotional substance. Adults must define what to do and why they do it. If you don't have this linguistic objectivity, it's a red alert sign.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I have very little understanding of BPD and FPs so pardon me if anything I'm saying sounds insincere or anything. I feel like a professional (/s) in this topic as I had an ex who I felt very similarly about. Like literally reading through your posts and how you describe him and your feelings, is like how I would describe my ex. I'm going to be a little blunt because my ex treated me the same way yours is treating you. I personally believe he's using you as a confidence boost. He knows you still love him, so he manipulates you with that. The term is known as breadcrumbing. He honestly sounds bad for you as well. He broke up after the honeymoon phase and who's to say that won't occur again if you do get back with him. The complaining about needing a lover part is wild to me, my ex had a boyfriend (the guy she cheated on me with) and she always complained to me about him, so it feels similar in some sort of way. You're that person for him to complain to.

Now for some advice, I agree with some of the posters above, you should certainly seek out hobbies and expand your friendship circle, make some more friends. Unsure if you're seeking employment or education, but if you seek employment, you can find friends there. If you seek education, college's usually have a boatload of diverse clubs. If you're seeking neither, maybe some social hobbies and there's a lot. There's hiking, fitness, reading/book clubs, yoga, bowling, trivia, etc. Obviously I wouldn't say to cut him off right now. Maybe limit contact as you expand your social network, and then once you have more friends, you'll feel less dependent on him.

Again, sorry if this sounds insensitive given your condition. I wish you the best!

 

[fearandlov3]

No, thank you!! I don't take it as insensitive at all, but I agree. Recently (like literally yesterday) i confronted him and he said "he was just trying to act silly" ? Which okay I guess he didn't understand how much his words affected me. Trying to give him another chance, gonna see if he actually respects me telling him not to flirt with me this time.

 

[Pathetic and Sad]

Nope, that guy defiantly sounds like a narcissist who just likes getting attention without having to give anything back, tormenting you. Once or twice maybe mistake, but if it's a pattern then this guys knows what he's doing is fucking with your head, even a two year old will understand not to do something if it hurts someone, let alone an adult, even if he is autistic. He is malicious and is using your naivety to take advantage of you.