NyQuil and water. I'm convinced that's all I need. Down a few bottles, and go for a nap in the tub.
I know that's stupid, and I wouldn't try. I'd survive, and then it's hospitalization and pity. An old plan was to swim as far out on the beach as I could after drinking NyQuil and taking sleeping pills. I'm more inclined to think that might work, but, again, I won't be trying it. I missed my chance. I have a dependent, now. She's the only reason I'm still trying to live. I know I'll let her down, but I won't let someone else get her. My family is worse than I will be.
Why are people so cruel? I guess, I am, too. I want to be religious again. Maybe I'll feel better. I just can't start. At least, I feel that way.
My therapist was definitely thinking of calling the popo on me tonight, lol. I'm still glad I texted her, though. I'm not a threat to myself or anyone else. I'll sit here and sob. That's all I'll do.
Do you think being evil is easier? No empathy. No feeling of responsibility. I think it is. I can't even force myself to wish for it, though. I just wish I could turn off the damaged parts of my brain and function like a well-programmed robot.
I know that's stupid, and I wouldn't try. I'd survive, and then it's hospitalization and pity. An old plan was to swim as far out on the beach as I could after drinking NyQuil and taking sleeping pills. I'm more inclined to think that might work, but, again, I won't be trying it. I missed my chance. I have a dependent, now. She's the only reason I'm still trying to live. I know I'll let her down, but I won't let someone else get her. My family is worse than I will be.
Why are people so cruel? I guess, I am, too. I want to be religious again. Maybe I'll feel better. I just can't start. At least, I feel that way.
My therapist was definitely thinking of calling the popo on me tonight, lol. I'm still glad I texted her, though. I'm not a threat to myself or anyone else. I'll sit here and sob. That's all I'll do.
Do you think being evil is easier? No empathy. No feeling of responsibility. I think it is. I can't even force myself to wish for it, though. I just wish I could turn off the damaged parts of my brain and function like a well-programmed robot.
