Ghostly
Student
- Nov 21, 2020
- 148
My suicidal thoughts have become worse but not alot of urges and I feel numb
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TheGoodGuy
Illuminated
- Aug 27, 2018
- 3,069
Welcome to the final stage of apathy and anhedonia where you don´t feel any emotions or pleasures anymore, you most likely can´t even feel nostalgia for fond memories because nostalgia is a mixture of happiness and sadness.
And since you have become numb there is no drive to ctb despite you know it´s the only logical reason. I wish I had ctb as a teenager when I could truly FEEL my sadness and excitement and other emotions except happiness also that sadness and excitement coupled with teenage hormones was the perfect drive to ctb but I was stupid to give "life" another chance and here I am 7 years after I started to stop feeling anything i.e. the beginning of apathy and anhedonia that got worse year by year.
And since you have become numb there is no drive to ctb despite you know it´s the only logical reason. I wish I had ctb as a teenager when I could truly FEEL my sadness and excitement and other emotions except happiness also that sadness and excitement coupled with teenage hormones was the perfect drive to ctb but I was stupid to give "life" another chance and here I am 7 years after I started to stop feeling anything i.e. the beginning of apathy and anhedonia that got worse year by year.
stygal
meow
- Oct 29, 2020
- 1,731
I'm so sorry @Ghostly
I feel like I'm in the same boat.
If it wasn't for my physical pain I couldn't really bring myself to actually ctb (at the moment).
Ever since starting my account here I went through all the emotions: extreme sadness/despair, depression (realizing my end is near) and now...just the numbing feeling of emptiness which makes living the day-to-day live nearly okay.
Hope you find something helps you cope or at least helps you feel any emotion.
I feel like I'm in the same boat.
If it wasn't for my physical pain I couldn't really bring myself to actually ctb (at the moment).
Ever since starting my account here I went through all the emotions: extreme sadness/despair, depression (realizing my end is near) and now...just the numbing feeling of emptiness which makes living the day-to-day live nearly okay.
Hope you find something helps you cope or at least helps you feel any emotion.
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