Numb

[Ghostly]

My suicidal thoughts have become worse but not alot of urges and I feel numb

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Welcome to the final stage of apathy and anhedonia where you don´t feel any emotions or pleasures anymore, you most likely can´t even feel nostalgia for fond memories because nostalgia is a mixture of happiness and sadness.

And since you have become numb there is no drive to ctb despite you know it´s the only logical reason. I wish I had ctb as a teenager when I could truly FEEL my sadness and excitement and other emotions except happiness also that sadness and excitement coupled with teenage hormones was the perfect drive to ctb but I was stupid to give "life" another chance and here I am 7 years after I started to stop feeling anything i.e. the beginning of apathy and anhedonia that got worse year by year.

 

[stygal]

I'm so sorry @Ghostly
I feel like I'm in the same boat.
If it wasn't for my physical pain I couldn't really bring myself to actually ctb (at the moment).
Ever since starting my account here I went through all the emotions: extreme sadness/despair, depression (realizing my end is near) and now...just the numbing feeling of emptiness which makes living the day-to-day live nearly okay.
Hope you find something helps you cope or at least helps you feel any emotion.