Help (NSFW) Sexual addictions and questions

[TheLastGreySky]

So I don't think I've been coping properly recently.
I cut ties with my ex-fiance but I'm still trying to process things because I feel like she was never real and that's really affected my perception whether I like it or not. And well, there's times where I feel like I'm sensitive and I want to shut down and then there's times like yesterday where I went to work, got off, got high, masturbated and slept with one girl and then masturbated again
Then I went over to one of my ex's houses and we smoked some kush and had sex half the night.
I ended up passing out watching Ace Ventura with her and then She woke me up and we went at it again, and then I went home and I went back to the first girl and we had fun and then, I masturbated again.

Sometimes I don't know if this is even fun.
Like everything just bores me outside of that dopamine rush. I'm not feeling ashamed I'm just feeling like this probably isn't super healthy.
I have been a Daddy Dom and I've had several subs at one time before, and for a number of years that was normal to me.
but... I'm not even sure if any of that was ever healthy.

I guess I don't know what else I should be doing.
I like to draw and paint and play music, game,
I basically do whatever I want when I'm not working. But I have no idea what the hell normal is because everyone talks a big game on the internet.
And as a man if you ask a question pretty much anywhere else it's a competition. It's stupid.

I feel like a lot of men don't get to open up about things like this because the way we're conditioned by society to think that this is cool and honestly,
I'm 31 and I don't know if I'm going to make it halfway into 2024 without CTB and I feel like a lot of my reasoning comes from sheer boredom.

Like my ideal type of woman is someone who's sweet and a little shy and would be open to have a family. Someone who is chill.
But instead usually what happens is I'll be dating someone who's good for me but not really checking enough of my boxes (normally because I really want to have more kids) and along comes a tattooed redhead/mixed/brat and I'm just instantly hyper focused.

I know this post has been rather long and feel free to comment however you feel,
but what am I supposed to be doing to cope with my depression?
Where is the borderline where lifestyle becomes addiction?
Is there any more productive way to fill the void consistently or is this the part of the modern human condition?

I really don't know what normal is and I don't know what I need to change about myself now that I'm trying to recover from wanting to CTB.
I seriously don't know if a woman would ever 100% love a man through thick and thin without cheating or abandoning him and I don't ever know if I will fully be able to be monogamous unless someone checks all my boxes which I think is ridiculous to have as a standard but I'm not sure how to change that either.
My ex really screwed me up in that regard.
I just know that I like to have fun.
But I also want to believe there's more to life than this.

Planning to CTB, was easy.
I fantasized about it my whole life and now that I'm wanting to find something to life for...
I'm hopelessly lost.
I have zero ambitions for the future other than maybe having kids again.
I don't care who comes and who goes out of my life, I respect their choices. But nothing really interests me outside of sex and hobbies.
But is there really anything else,?

 

[Redacted24]

So, well yes there is, if you want to find them.
I'm a older male whose 30s were similar as you described yours. Except less internet.
I did as the cat from Kipling, who went into the woods and never told anybody.
I took my motorbike to Labrador and rode across. Pre paved road. Took a week.
Walked through combat zones. Not just the one in South Boston.
Got into fencing.
you get the idea. Oh yes and lots of good sex too.
Get out of your comfort zone - I learned to scuba dive, but can't swim- and the world opens to you. Just a thought. Happy hunting!

 

[TheLastGreySky]

So, well yes there is, if you want to find them.
I'm a older male whose 30s were similar as you described yours. Except less internet.
I did as the cat from Kipling, who went into the woods and never told anybody.
I took my motorbike to Labrador and rode across. Pre paved road. Took a week.
Walked through combat zones. Not just the one in South Boston.
Got into fencing.
you get the idea. Oh yes and lots of good sex too.
Get out of your comfort zone - I learned to scuba dive, but can't swim- and the world opens to you. Just a thought. Happy hunting!

I was going to say I'm from Albuquerque so yeah that whole city is a war zone lol.
I guess what you're saying is there's healthy thrill seeking? Either way I'm glad you found something that had got you out of your existential slump.
I really appreciate it

 

[poached]

So I don't think I've been coping properly recently.
I cut ties with my ex-fiance but I'm still trying to process things because I feel like she was never real and that's really affected my perception whether I like it or not. And well, there's times where I feel like I'm sensitive and I want to shut down and then there's times like yesterday where I went to work, got off, got high, masturbated and slept with one girl and then masturbated again
Then I went over to one of my ex's houses and we smoked some kush and had sex half the night.
I ended up passing out watching Ace Ventura with her and then She woke me up and we went at it again, and then I went home and I went back to the first girl and we had fun and then, I masturbated again.

Sometimes I don't know if this is even fun.
Like everything just bores me outside of that dopamine rush. I'm not feeling ashamed I'm just feeling like this probably isn't super healthy.
I have been a Daddy Dom and I've had several subs at one time before, and for a number of years that was normal to me.
but... I'm not even sure if any of that was ever healthy.

I guess I don't know what else I should be doing.
I like to draw and paint and play music, game,
I basically do whatever I want when I'm not working. But I have no idea what the hell normal is because everyone talks a big game on the internet.
And as a man if you ask a question pretty much anywhere else it's a competition. It's stupid.

I feel like a lot of men don't get to open up about things like this because the way we're conditioned by society to think that this is cool and honestly,
I'm 31 and I don't know if I'm going to make it halfway into 2024 without CTB and I feel like a lot of my reasoning comes from sheer boredom.

Like my ideal type of woman is someone who's sweet and a little shy and would be open to have a family. Someone who is chill.
But instead usually what happens is I'll be dating someone who's good for me but not really checking enough of my boxes (normally because I really want to have more kids) and along comes a tattooed redhead/mixed/brat and I'm just instantly hyper focused.

I know this post has been rather long and feel free to comment however you feel,
but what am I supposed to be doing to cope with my depression?
Where is the borderline where lifestyle becomes addiction?
Is there any more productive way to fill the void consistently or is this the part of the modern human condition?

I really don't know what normal is and I don't know what I need to change about myself now that I'm trying to recover from wanting to CTB.
I seriously don't know if a woman would ever 100% love a man through thick and thin without cheating or abandoning him and I don't ever know if I will fully be able to be monogamous unless someone checks all my boxes which I think is ridiculous to have as a standard but I'm not sure how to change that either.
My ex really screwed me up in that regard.
I just know that I like to have fun.
But I also want to believe there's more to life than this.

Planning to CTB, was easy.
I fantasized about it my whole life and now that I'm wanting to find something to life for...
I'm hopelessly lost.
I have zero ambitions for the future other than maybe having kids again.
I don't care who comes and who goes out of my life, I respect their choices. But nothing really interests me outside of sex and hobbies.
But is there really anything else,?

Exercise and diet are the two simplest things to work on for very mild depression.

The void you feel is felt by many. Some fill it with religion or charity work. It isn't modern. Henry David Thoroeau wrote in the 1840's

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation...A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind..."

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Exercise and diet are the two simplest things to work on for very mild depression.

The void you feel is felt by many. Some fill it with religion or charity work. It isn't modern. Henry David Thoroeau wrote in the 1840's

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation...A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind..."

I have given to charity and it didn't really help too much, but I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

 

[SexyIncél]

On one hand, there's focusing on satisfying people's pleasures. Then there's reducing suffering. The world of reducing suffering involves adventures, like fighting for people's freedoms

For satisfying pleasures, there's some adventure in going abroad & getting girls, if you haven't. Some think that people become passport bros out of desperation. But actually, you may find the gals are just more enjoyable or respectful or whatever

But pleasures can become deadening; they fail to give meaning, if you're not exploring truth, justice or beauty. Building your moral & intellectual virtues (by practicing moral acts & teaching), as well as physical virtues