Constantly used and thrown away. Girl after girl after girl then switched to guys and was treated like nothing more than meat.
Stupid right? Young love met in high school she was a solid 10 me a 3 a 2 at most. Beautiful long brown hair bright blue eyes. Worst mistake of my life. Things started out small with her not letting me dress a certain way. Getting jealous when I hung out with people. Started acting inconsistent hanging around with other girls that I knew she was flirting and cheating on me with. Then stupid me we got engaged. I gave up my life for her. Went to a school I couldn't afford only to be broken up with on every single holiday. She was so back and forth about loving me but not trusting me and when I left she cried victim. You should see the daily texts I was getting looking back they were insane. Said I was abusive to her emotionally when all she did was fuck with my head. Took me years to get over it.
Met another girl this one was different had massive anxiety and smoked weed everyday to cope. Taught me how to self sooth with breathing techniques. Once I started spending money on her it was over. I did it so she wouldn't go without not realizing that the more I gave the more she expected. She started with giving things back but once her ex stepped back into the picture they both used me, sucked me dry of resources money and time and I was too stupid and naive to realize it.
God I could post about all the girls I've dated or slept with and how each and every one used me in some way and I just let them because I was desperate for love but the last one really broke me because it was a boy who I saw as nothing more than a friend.
He seemed like the loner type with a solid friend group but struggling on the inside. He was a rock to me and even then my stupid fucking love depraved ass fell in love with him and ruined everything. Then the pregnancy happened and we both chose to abort but my mother wouldn't let me go and get the procedure done. I was stuck at her house with barely anything to eat crying and stressed and so angry at the life growing inside of me that I couldn't afford to keep alive because I was already dying on the inside. I was losing too much weight and was told I'd most likely hemorrhage out if I brought the fetus to full term. He started screaming at me over the phone and of course my mother had to out mean him. Every single word out of his mouth was multiplied by her anger. She wanted to keep the baby even if it meant killing me in the process. She chose the life of her unborn grand baby over her daughter and that drove me over my edge. I left got the procedure done just so he's stay in my life and he did but that decision tore me apart to where I wish I would've had the child but then it would've had to have grown up in the same shorty abusive situations I was put in and I couldn't bear the thought of my son or daughter having to deal with that. And guess what? He's partly gone now anyways fading off as another someone that could've been but wasn't.
Now I'm getting medical diagnoses left and right. Blood in my ovaries. Kidney pain. Back pain. Swollen joints. Might have this might have that. Doctors don't even know what's wrong with me. Say my brains misfiring. I'll tell you what's wrong.
I'm incapable of love. I'm worthless. I am nothing. If I died today nobody would give a flying fuck and I know this because my last suicide attempt the only person who cared enough to stick around and see me through it was the same guy friend who said I'd never lose him. No family cared enough to check in. And how could they care about me.
I'm IT.
It's your problem now is what my mother told my father when I was in fourth grade after dropping me off on his doorstep. You deal with it I'm done.
It. That's a lovely name for an unloved child don't you think. Worthless. Far. Bloated. Ugly. They call me a junkie because I tried drugs. I don't even use anymore. My own family disowned me at 18 for staying out with a girl all night.
Sorry for emotionally dumping this shit but my tumblrs being stalked by people I know irl.
So now what? End their misery? Easy. I just have to end mine. Burden be gone
Stupid right? Young love met in high school she was a solid 10 me a 3 a 2 at most. Beautiful long brown hair bright blue eyes. Worst mistake of my life. Things started out small with her not letting me dress a certain way. Getting jealous when I hung out with people. Started acting inconsistent hanging around with other girls that I knew she was flirting and cheating on me with. Then stupid me we got engaged. I gave up my life for her. Went to a school I couldn't afford only to be broken up with on every single holiday. She was so back and forth about loving me but not trusting me and when I left she cried victim. You should see the daily texts I was getting looking back they were insane. Said I was abusive to her emotionally when all she did was fuck with my head. Took me years to get over it.
Met another girl this one was different had massive anxiety and smoked weed everyday to cope. Taught me how to self sooth with breathing techniques. Once I started spending money on her it was over. I did it so she wouldn't go without not realizing that the more I gave the more she expected. She started with giving things back but once her ex stepped back into the picture they both used me, sucked me dry of resources money and time and I was too stupid and naive to realize it.
God I could post about all the girls I've dated or slept with and how each and every one used me in some way and I just let them because I was desperate for love but the last one really broke me because it was a boy who I saw as nothing more than a friend.
He seemed like the loner type with a solid friend group but struggling on the inside. He was a rock to me and even then my stupid fucking love depraved ass fell in love with him and ruined everything. Then the pregnancy happened and we both chose to abort but my mother wouldn't let me go and get the procedure done. I was stuck at her house with barely anything to eat crying and stressed and so angry at the life growing inside of me that I couldn't afford to keep alive because I was already dying on the inside. I was losing too much weight and was told I'd most likely hemorrhage out if I brought the fetus to full term. He started screaming at me over the phone and of course my mother had to out mean him. Every single word out of his mouth was multiplied by her anger. She wanted to keep the baby even if it meant killing me in the process. She chose the life of her unborn grand baby over her daughter and that drove me over my edge. I left got the procedure done just so he's stay in my life and he did but that decision tore me apart to where I wish I would've had the child but then it would've had to have grown up in the same shorty abusive situations I was put in and I couldn't bear the thought of my son or daughter having to deal with that. And guess what? He's partly gone now anyways fading off as another someone that could've been but wasn't.
Now I'm getting medical diagnoses left and right. Blood in my ovaries. Kidney pain. Back pain. Swollen joints. Might have this might have that. Doctors don't even know what's wrong with me. Say my brains misfiring. I'll tell you what's wrong.
I'm incapable of love. I'm worthless. I am nothing. If I died today nobody would give a flying fuck and I know this because my last suicide attempt the only person who cared enough to stick around and see me through it was the same guy friend who said I'd never lose him. No family cared enough to check in. And how could they care about me.
I'm IT.
It's your problem now is what my mother told my father when I was in fourth grade after dropping me off on his doorstep. You deal with it I'm done.
It. That's a lovely name for an unloved child don't you think. Worthless. Far. Bloated. Ugly. They call me a junkie because I tried drugs. I don't even use anymore. My own family disowned me at 18 for staying out with a girl all night.
Sorry for emotionally dumping this shit but my tumblrs being stalked by people I know irl.
So now what? End their misery? Easy. I just have to end mine. Burden be gone
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