Venting Noticing how I suck, figuring out why I suck, intervening to anti-suck

[SexyIncél]

I hate how I have to be pushed to my cognitive limits. I'm not 100% healed. Tinkering with my mind like an engineering project

Other people have many hands pushing them & it looks impressive. But when you actually look at it, they just accomplish boring normie shit. So they get a bunch of faceless wageslaves behind the scenes — and slap their face on it

Their faces becomes fat with the human sacrifices, big for their bodies

They have temples devoted to this; they love making towering buildings to house the souls while extracting their daily mana

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I am typically not myself. I'm plugged heavily into group minds. I analyze people & try to internalize their strengths. I'm cognitively a cyborg, juiced by tech

Now I'm increasingly unplugging, testing my individual mind. Noticing how I suck, figuring out why I suck, intervening to anti-suck

I try to nap (or at least trigger waking dreams), to reset my conscious mind in cycles. I'm trying to reframe everything into universal operations ("I'm transforming/moving shapes"), so I can use the same brain pathways for everything, because otherwise it's hard to task-switch

I'm still TOO SLOW. Not nimble. Low endurance

When alone, I wake up wanting to die. Then I think my way out of it, to start everything spinning, so all "my" particles cohere into something vaguely resembling intention

My mind keeps thinking about other things. I keep solving problems to find the next one. I'm not done

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This is just venting. Not sure what discussion'd be useful. It's your thread to shitpost as you see fit. If you're the sort of person I'd love, I love you ❥