serah
Student
- May 6, 2020
- 178
im still unhappy. still slightly suicidal, almost like something constantly in the back of my mind. ive been working pretty consistently, im already tired. school isnt for me, i feel as though the major im interested in is something im not smart enough to study. even if i could put myself to study and work hard im too lazy and dont care enough. im a mess. i hate myself, im disgustingly ugly and i can think of ways to atleast get myself from a 0 to a 2 but im too lazy and unmotivated to fix it. im too exhausted to put so much work and dedication when ultimately im still unhappy. ive tried medication, its hard to with unsupportive family members, but it has not helped much either. therapy hasnt either. im so lost. im lonely. im desperate for love, from anyone, doesnt matter who. i want someone to love me romantically, but ive had no luck. its silly right? im hoping another human being loving me would help me like myself at the very least. im pathetic. im writing this out like i usually do, because i have no else to talk to it about. im thinking about giving up. have called work the last two days simply because im too tired and lazy to go, knowing if i get fired id probably kill myself. my classes have begun yet since they're online ive done none of the work, its been piling up. i want to give up, im tired, im tired yet i do nothing all day. i try so hard to get better and improve but suddenly ill get like this, suicidal out of the blue, its very extreme. i hate this. is there a day when i wont need this site anymore?
