Venting Nothing

[sa666]

I always wonder if I'm real. Sometimes it feels like if I don't speak, if I don't move, I can just disappear. It constantly feels like I don't belong, I feel misplaced.
It seems like no matter how hard I try I will always be the odd one out. My brain refuses to let me believe the people who tell me otherwise. I want to cry and scream, I want someone to notice, someone who gets what it's like to never feel at home in your own body.
I know how this story ends, you'll get tired and you'll leave, and I'll be the one who suffers in the end because I tried to let myself be loved.
I guess in the end suicide is the only option. No matter how much I change, no matter how many pills I take or therapists I see. I will always be suffering.
I wish I could be put down like a bad dog.

 

[fleshgarden]

I resonate with this so closely. I hope you find the ending you want,,or if you don't get that ending I hope you can get the life that you deserve without this pain

 

[uzuf86]

My mind is also screwed in a similar way to you OP. In a few words, I can't believe what I've become today, compared to when I think of what I was, as a little boy and a teen. I've made so many mistakes that now I can't believe how worthless I've become. My mind keeps wondering "who really am I?" All day and night.
I just feel like I've really reached such a stage that almost screams at me to end my life. I feel sorry for myself.