Venting 'Nothing is worth that'

[Forever Sleep]

I speak to my Dad a couple of times a week. I find it hard to mask it that I'm depressed but I've never told him how much- and I never want him to know.

Today, he was talking about unemployment (seeing as my freelance career is heading for the rocks) and he said- 'Some people end up commiting s...... (ctb) and nothing's worth that.' I sort of wonder if he suspects but doesn't want to ask outright.

Anyhow, I just found it ironic really- how most 'normal' people think there's nothing bad enough to warrant ctb whereas we mostly don't see anything good enough to want to carry on living. Just wanted a vent really. Sorry- it's a bit of a pointless thread.

Do you guys speak to your parents often? Do you think they have any idea of how you feel?

 

[Jrmull1993]

'nothing's worth that.' I sort of wonder if he suspects but doesn't want to ask outright.

Anyhow, I just found it ironic really- how most 'normal' people think there's nothing bad enough to warrant ctb whereas we mostly don't see anything good enough to want to carry on living.

I see it as a luxury to be able to think and say that.

Do you guys speak to your parents often? Do you think they have any idea of how you feel?

I speak to my folks a few times a week. I'm sure they know I'm depressed, but they definitely have no clue about my upcoming CTB plans.

 

[blue_muse]

I don't bother speaking to my upbringer; last time I expressed wanting to die the response was "You sound like you want to be seen as a Martyr. You'll be giving them (other people) what they want.". Upbringer knows and doesn't care, so long as *** needs are met, I don't matter.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't bother speaking to my upbringer; last time I expressed wanting to die the response was "You sound like you want to be seen as a Martyr. You'll be giving them (other people) what they want.". Upbringer knows and doesn't care, so long as *** needs are met, I don't matter.

I'm sorry. That sounds really harsh.

 

[notlongnow]

my dad has made it very clear that he thinks suicide is a cowardly act. Long before i had gotten to this point he stated it. (Who knows if he sensed my struggles would lead to it) ... anyway, rehlgardless i consider it an act of bravery. I've never succumb to social expectations regardless of one happiness or lack thereof. The man is a firm believer of when its your time, its your time though. I dare not question if we can dictate our own time for fear of worrying the man. (I do believe we can dictate that time as and when (obviously ) is that ignoring the script and going improv? Maybe .... this isn't a movie but we are all arguably living a scene. Whether I belive its already scripted, thats a talk for another day! Fascinating none the less.

 

[FuneralCry]

I never see it as a good idea to be open about wanting to ctb, after all we live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised and our right to die is not respected. I think that sharing feelings about wanting to leave would only make things worse, I would never tell family members about wishing that I was gone.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I speak to my Dad a couple of times a week. I find it hard to mask it that I'm depressed but I've never told him how much- and I never want him to know.

Today, he was talking about unemployment (seeing as my freelance career is heading for the rocks) and he said- 'Some people end up commiting s...... (ctb) and nothing's worth that.' I sort of wonder if he suspects but doesn't want to ask outright.

Anyhow, I just found it ironic really- how most 'normal' people think there's nothing bad enough to warrant ctb whereas we mostly don't see anything good enough to want to carry on living. Just wanted a vent really. Sorry- it's a bit of a pointless thread.

Do you guys speak to your parents often? Do you think they have any idea of how you feel?

I have friends who would feel that way. It's amazing how two people's experiences can sit at completely opposite poles. Anyone who experienced consistent agony for a year, if not less, would begin to see the appeal of death. Now let's imagine decades.

 

[tiny_dancer]

most 'normal' people think there's nothing bad enough to warrant ctb whereas we mostly don't see anything good enough to want to carry on living

This is so true! Crazy how different our thinking can be. If only they had to experience things from our side…

 

[Final-push123]

As much as I want to believe he right...he is unfortunately wrong. CtB because of chronic disease, years of depression or even living in a world that is dying... all Valid reasons to do it.

I will say though for the more emotional based reasons give it a solid year to try to recover before going through with ctb, after all this will literally be the greatest decision of your life

 

[Forever Sleep]

As much as I want to believe he right...he is unfortunately wrong. CtB because of chronic disease, years of depression or even living in a world that is dying... all Valid reasons to do it.

I will say though for the more emotional based reasons give it a solid year to try to recover before going through with ctb, after all this will literally be the greatest decision of your life

Thank you. I've had suicidal ideation for 32 years, so I kind of think it's here to stay. That said- I have always wanted to hang on for my Dad to go. He means the world to me and I wouldn't want to hurt him. Even after that, I may never find the courage to do it- I'm a terrible coward but I can never see me not wanting to do it. Makes you wonder how many people go their whole lifetimes feeling like this. Seems so tragic really.