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c4di

c4di

Member
Oct 9, 2025
40
i used to hold on by some unhealthy coping mechanisms, but they aren't really working anymore. i dont know how i did it, it feels like i have nothing to do right now except think about suicide, it feels so empty. im going to CTB anyway but i want something to help me a bit for the while im still here. even suicide is starting to feel like something imaginary not something people actually succeeded in doing. i dont feel human anymore
 
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Reactions: Busridin'26, Forveleth, Hollowman and 5 others
deadmanwalking1990

deadmanwalking1990

Student
Nov 16, 2025
129
Even when im actively doing something,i still think about CTB,its too hard man
 
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Reactions: Pale_Rider, CaptainSunshine!, c4di and 2 others
I

itsgone2

-
Sep 21, 2025
1,659
It sucks when there's nothing left. Music, tv, books… can't enjoy any of that now. Thoughts dominated by how life has gone so wrong.
 
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Reactions: TwistedNightmares, Pale_Rider, CaptainSunshine! and 1 other person
Vlad Tepes

Vlad Tepes

Experienced
Jun 24, 2025
265
Yeah, me too. For many years I used silly coping mechanisms that I recognized were cope but which I nevertheless consciously clung on to because I was terrified of death. I think a lot of people today are stuck in that trap where they realize theyre literally gaslighting themselves into struggling along because theyre too scared of the alternative, death, but they nevertheless do so anyway because self-gaslighting is a lot less haunting of a prospect to them than the great void of death.
 
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