Nothing feels enjoyable

[StillBreathing]

What do you guys do everyday? I have days where I hyper focus on something, like a new game, tv show, movies etc. But most days I just sit around blasting the same music playlist, smoke cigarettes/vape while waiting for the day to end. I can't even bother to eat more than a small meal in the morning. Now that I am a grown man I can no longer sit around playing videos games 14+ hours a day. This used to be my way of coping with life from age 13-25~ while I was studying. Working an 9-5 office job I feel exhausted and obligated to put all my effort into it, even though it brings me little to no joy. I have a lot of responsibilities at my new job and am afraid to let them down, being jobless again and slipping back into a deeper depression.

I have lost contact with nearly all my friends as they either have a busy family life or are on social welfare - still living the same lifestyle we did as teenagers. Now that I think about it, I don't really have any friends, we only talk occasional when I can be bothered to log into discord for an hour or two to hear them talk about the games they play. I feel like I am stuck in limbo, having issues with money even though I have a good salary. Spending money on unnecessary things I later throw away because the interest is gone by the time I receive it in the mail. I seek things that give me a easy dopamine rush.

I am seeing a therapist trying to get my shit together but most of the time it feels pointless tbh. The process is taking so long. I can't see myself living this life for 30 more years.


"Only I can stop the rain because the rain falls on me"
Rip DMX

 

[Softwind]

Have you tried doing something outdoors like a sport, watching a play or a book club? I'm suggesting this cause I noticed you mentioned mostly indoor activities. I also think you could try cutting back on some of the things you do like internet, games, etc, so that you would force yourself to do other things and change the mundanity of it all.

 

[Tact]

My strategy is to start with something that I know is true, and making every little decision after that based on that truth. It can be as simple as choosing to stand up or putting one foot in front of the other. It usually works best on a weekend when I can go as slow as I need to. Fifty percent success rate though, see if it works for you. Lately, it hasn't for me, but it might for you.

 

[StillBreathing]

Have you tried doing something outdoors like a sport, watching a play or a book club? I'm suggesting this cause I noticed you mentioned mostly indoor activities. I also think you could try cutting back on some of the things you do like internet, games, etc, so that you would force yourself to do other things and change the mundanity of it all.

My strategy is to start with something that I know is true, and making every little decision after that based on that truth. It can be as simple as choosing to stand up or putting one foot in front of the other. It usually works best on a weekend when I can go as slow as I need to. Fifty percent success rate though, see if it works for you. Lately, it hasn't for me, but it might for you.

Thanks for putting putting this seed in my head. Reflecting back on the past year I have been isolating myself more than before, and indulged in unhealthy activities like obsessive smoking and internet use, movies, games etc.

From my 20s to 30s I was very into bodybuilding which may seem like a healthy hobby. Working out and eating healthy. Whatever I seem to be doing I always overdo it, I would get up at 4- sometimes earlier to workout. Doing bouts of 2-3 months of excessive training while using performance-enhancing drugs eventually getting burnt out and continuing a few weeks later. I even left my ex to focus more on bodybuilding, looking back it seems crazy - like another person was in control of my actions.

I will try getting some more activity, maybe replace some indoor activities with reading. Thanks guys. I have been getting pretty lean lately, barely eating for the past year. Might be a motivating factor to put on some weight again. I also noticed starting my new job I have been forced to get out of my comfort zone - talking to strangers about technical and social subjects even when it feels uncomfortable, especially since I have been isolating for so long.

I appreciate your input very much, thank you.