Venting Not ready for today

[Wyldfyre4948]

Today is my anniversary with my wife and it's heartbreaking because she left me almost 7 weeks ago. I don't want to exist today because everything has gone to shit. For nearly 2 months I've been hanging on by fibers. Only one more day and I can buy a rebreather and gas to ctb.

All I want is for her to come back and help me, but it feels more unlikely every week. Been dreading this day for awhile, but I'd hoped she would be back by now. She knows I'm struggling financially and apparently so is she. I'm not sleeping much and my appetite isn't that great waiter. For weeks I've been getting by eating cheap banquet frozen meals.

Tried hanging myself several times this year but she only knows of one, and my family knows of 2 attempts. Damn SI stopped me from ctb but I'm very hopeful about the R2D III being the ticket I need.

I just don't understand how she can throw away 22 years together even with her sexual identity crisis. She knows how much I need her and that I'm suicidal because she took me to the hospital earlier this year. Thankfully I've found some great people on here to talk with to help me during this horrific time.

Sorry everyone but I just needed to get this out. I'm not looking forward to work and I'd be so happy if I feel asleep and didn't wake up. Every day my heart hurts and I just want it to stop. Thank you for reading and again I apologize for my venting.

 

[blessedistheflame]

22 years is a lot. I went through something similar but lesser, ex of 2 years ended things while I was actively suicidal (tbf when am I not though lol). 7 years later I'm still not 100% bounced back from it.

Your last paragraph resonates with me. I lie in bed right now feeling the same. Waking up to have to work is just adding insult to the injury of waking up at all.

I hope love re-enters your life soon and that you can find peace in the coming days, whatever path you choose to take.

 

[CW36]

I know from experience that if a woman has made up her mind to leave a man, then the only way to win her back is through positive action. Poetic words and strong emotions won't work I'm afraid. If her departure is causing you to want to CTB, then I'd strongly advise waiting a while longer. You can win her back, because you've got so much history and investment in each other. You just have to change tactics. If it was me, I wouldn't message her, I'd make her miss me by my absence, which will spark her curiosity. Work on self improvement and creating an even better you. She'll see you in a different light again. The reality is men should be empathetic to the emotions of their partner, but if you show your vulnerability in the same way, then it'll likely only serve to to push them away. We're wired differently and accepting the reality, as unfortunate as it is, will work to serve you well.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be painful and hard to deal with what you are going through, to me it's certainly understandable just wishing to never wake again, but anyway I wish you the best with your plans.