Not mentally ill, but still want to die

[JaegerBombastic]

To start, I'm almost certain I don't qualify for major depressive disorder (though I've never actually been to a therapist). I just don't have the specific symptoms affiliated with clinical depression or any other mental illness for that matter. And yet, I still feel this overbaring despair and emptiness everyday of my life. All I can think about throughout the day is how much I'd rather not be here. It's not a pervasive or agressive attack on my psyche as with other users on here, but a constant unchanging feeling. I can't take it anymore, and I'm very scared that I'm going to reach my breaking point soon and end it. The worst part is that I have no one to talk to about it.

The reason I point out that I don't think I qualify for any recognized mental illnesses is because I almost feel like I want to. I know that must sound incredibly selfish or even outright stupid, but it makes sense to me. It feels as though I don't qualify for these feelings or that I'm faking it. I don't have any real justification for my melancholy. I keep telling myself that I'm just faking it for attention, or that I'm just coping for how much of a loser I am. The reality is that I'm just a boring, unlovable loser, and I'm trying to create an excuse that I'm actually depressed. Highly doubt I'll ever speak to a therapist because I'm scared of what they're going to tell me. I just wish that I could actually feel normal around other people, and not like there's a wall between me and everyone else.

 

[itsallogrenow]

To start, I'm almost certain I don't qualify for major depressive disorder (though I've never actually been to a therapist). I just don't have the specific symptoms affiliated with clinical depression or any other mental illness for that matter. And yet, I still feel this overbaring despair and emptiness everyday of my life. All I can think about throughout the day is how much I'd rather not be here. It's not a pervasive or agressive attack on my psyche as with other users on here, but a constant unchanging feeling. I can't take it anymore, and I'm very scared that I'm going to reach my breaking point soon and end it. The worst part is that I have no one to talk to about it.

The reason I point out that I don't think I qualify for any recognized mental illnesses is because I almost feel like I want to. I know that must sound incredibly selfish or even outright stupid, but it makes sense to me. It feels as though I don't qualify for these feelings or that I'm faking it. I don't have any real justification for my melancholy. I keep telling myself that I'm just faking it for attention, or that I'm just coping for how much of a loser I am. The reality is that I'm just a boring, unlovable loser, and I'm trying to create an excuse that I'm actually depressed. Highly doubt I'll ever speak to a therapist because I'm scared of what they're going to tell me. I just wish that I could actually feel normal around other people, and not like there's a wall between me and everyone else.

Mental illness isn't reasonable, you don't have to have a valid "justification" for it.

Also it's common for people with mental health issues to feel like they are faking it.

I think you should speak to someone professionally. You might not have depression but it could be something else, even if it's just low self-esteem, that could be something you could work on. If you wanted to live of course.

 

[m3nhera]

To start, I'm almost certain I don't qualify for major depressive disorder (though I've never actually been to a therapist). I just don't have the specific symptoms affiliated with clinical depression or any other mental illness for that matter. And yet, I still feel this overbaring despair and emptiness everyday of my life. All I can think about throughout the day is how much I'd rather not be here. It's not a pervasive or agressive attack on my psyche as with other users on here, but a constant unchanging feeling. I can't take it anymore, and I'm very scared that I'm going to reach my breaking point soon and end it. The worst part is that I have no one to talk to about it.

The reason I point out that I don't think I qualify for any recognized mental illnesses is because I almost feel like I want to. I know that must sound incredibly selfish or even outright stupid, but it makes sense to me. It feels as though I don't qualify for these feelings or that I'm faking it. I don't have any real justification for my melancholy. I keep telling myself that I'm just faking it for attention, or that I'm just coping for how much of a loser I am. The reality is that I'm just a boring, unlovable loser, and I'm trying to create an excuse that I'm actually depressed. Highly doubt I'll ever speak to a therapist because I'm scared of what they're going to tell me. I just wish that I could actually feel normal around other people, and not like there's a wall between me and everyone else.

Everyone's different and honestly you're clearly depressed. A lot of this is what depressed people do and think, believe it or not.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

Just start by going to see you regular family doctor and explain how you feel to them and they can prescribe you something, just to see how it goes. A lot of the people here have been down that and many, many other roads and have tried countless meds and therapies. Some people just don't respond well to those things. Where others might find a huge difference by just taking that first step and trying a mood stabilizing med. You won't know if it'll work unless you try. It really could make a world of difference. General practitioners do prescribe those kinds of meds all the time, so no need to go to a therapist to get them. Just give it a try. I wish you well.