Venting Not made for life

[willitpass]

I often feel that I was not made for life. The mental illness equivalent of incompatible with life. It seems no matter how many good things happen to me, no matter how successful I am, no matter how many treatments I try, I simply cannot move past my depression and suicidality. I have already tried all conventional treatments, along with some very non conventional ones, but I am truly convinced that even if I tried the last few non conventional treatments out there (which is only ketamine and TMS) that I would still fail to ever feel happiness or a longing for life. I am truly not made to exist. I was born to suffer and ultimately CTB. It's been this way for over half my life. I am not meant to be here.

 

[nopointinlivingg]

I feel the same and I have heard many depressed people say the same. I'm a staunch atheist/materialist but sometimes that feeling makes me think about the metaphysical - were we all really on a journey to where we were supposed to be, and we just got lost along the way and stuck in this hell world?