Not living, not sure if im surviving either

[tamagatcha]

Some people talk about how their not living just surviving, but personally the last part debatable lol. Im really not doing a good job at it, im "okay" now but my future livelyhood seems to be pointing downwards, and i really feel like i wont be able to claw myself out of it, i really can't see any other path, its upsetting cause i tried so hard to have an okay life, i fought for myself telling myself i deserved it after everything, and yet here i am today