Discussion Not leaving a note

[iamsofkntired]

People who are gonna ctb without leaving a note , why ? Do you think the people don't deserve? Do you not know what to write ? What is going on inside your head that's telling you not to leave a note ?

I just want to know why he didn't leave anything

 

[SpiritualDeath]

Words are inefficient. It's very easy for people to totally misinterpret what I try to convey. I don't bother with it.

 

[haibane]

Hey, im sorry for what ure going through. But sadly only him could know why. Its not necessarily ure fault or the fault or anyone, maybe he just didnt wanted to be misunderstood. Hope u will find peace

 

[iamsofkntired]

Hey, im sorry for what ure going through. But sadly only him could know why. Its not necessarily ure fault or the fault or anyone, maybe he just didnt wanted to be misunderstood. Hope u will find peace

Thank you so much , I know that but I just want a glimpse of what was going on inside his head when he did it and there's many suicidal people her that can maybe explain maybe someone thought the same as him

 

[shamblingshaggoth]

I am so sorry for the grief and what you are going through :(.

I don't know if my own thoughts are similar, but I have been struggling myself with rather or not to leave a note(s). The main worry I have is a note could cause someome additional pain in the way of causing them to blame themselves. If there is no note then they might be left wondering why or with little disclosure, but what if I write something that makes them blame themselves or think they could have prevented it and it's partially their "fault"?
Another is I have no clue what to say or how to say it. The reasons why I want to ctb are complex and I am unsure how to summarize a lifetime of pain and suffering in a concise note.

The only reason I would leave one would be to leave something for the people left behind and to try to provide closure for "why". Again I struggle with how to do this and what to put in the note. Should it be focused on trying to explain why I did this? Should it instead apologize and be full of the things I love about person x, shared memories, things I am proud of them for, etc? A mixture of the two?
It's not something I can just ask like "hey, if I were to accidentally die in a car crash or be diagnosed with a terminal illness what would you have wished I left behind for you or said/did before I died?"

It can also be dangerous if you survive. In a previous attempt where I did leave a note with some reasons as to why (abuse) it ended up being seized by police and I was pressured to press charges against a party to the detriment of myself and my own already rock bottom mental health.

Anyway, those are some of the thoughts I personally struggle with. Hugs

 

[Kit1]

I wrote a note and then I destroyed it as I promised myself that I will try my best to keepyself alive for my children. I was being supported by a good doctor and I have now lost the services of the NHS due to accessibility challenges - which has increased my chances of dying by suicide. I have left a note for the coroner explaining my battle to try and get help with the NHS and how a failure to make readonablenadjustmemts due to disability for me to be able to access services left me vulnerable and a higher chance of ending my life.

The way I am feeling right now, I should leave a note for my family - in case I die which to be honest is looking very likely. But I don't have the strength to explain to my children how selfishly I might end up putting my needs in front of theirs as nothing I say will take the pain away from what they will have to endure if I ended my life. So I am stuck in a limbo.

 

[Jinxyxx]

Im sorry for what you are going through. Unfortunately, we can never fully know his reasons but i hope you can find peace regardless.
I myself am planning to leave a note but the last two times i attempted to ctb i didnt even try writing it. I was just in such a state that i couldnt. All i could think about at that moment was that i have to stop this pain. No matter what i just need to stop this pain because i cant take it its killing me. I completely forgot about the note, I forgot about everything around me basically. Idk but thats just how it looked like for me.

 

[HaHaSoLame]

A thing that has helped with SI is just leaving no note behind. I'm doing this assuming it won't matter in the end, and that it especially won't matter what happens here after I'm gone. Therefore, if I leave a note it would mean that I don't sincerely believe that. So no note.

 

[qw3rty259]

I was thinking a lot about what to write in the note some time ago and for me there is a fear that some of my words might influence the ones it's dedicated to not the way I intended. For example, if you have a feelings for someone and write about it in the note, what if it'll make the person less willing to move forward in life, knowing that you loved them so much? Or something like that. I want people to make their conclusions themselves and don't want to put any possible additional burden on them. Also, for me, words are like tattoos, they get old and what looks nice now, might get bad or really cringe later.
I do think about leaving a note, but it'll be dry wishes about what to do with my possessions.

 

[gbi2]

The few people who are my friends will know the reason why and they know it's not because of them. I've explained to them how my mental health problems aren't fixable by people saying they are there for me. I need help that just isn't there for me because the NHS doesn't understand people's needs, it is still a dinosaur in some areas of health. I can tell them things that they don't understand or even disagree with - I tell it like it is my own thoughts and they rebut it, but I'll have learned it from watching Doctors and therapists channels on youtube - who mostly happen to be American, and further ahead in understanding that any in the UK

The people who caused it wont care so there is no need for a note for them. I've said everything I need to to anyone who has been involved in some way, but it hasn't got me anywhere. In fact much of what I have done over the past 3 years has all been acting on advice, and I've always ended up worse off because of it, so it is proof the advice is all wrong.

If someone ctb and doesn't leave a note, it doesn't mean the people close to them weren't loved by them, it could just mean they know you love them and you know they love you so there is nothing for them to say.

As James Blunt sang in his song "Monsters" about his dads terminal illness (before he found a donor)

"No need to forgive, no need to forget, I know your mistakes and you know mine."

It implies they had a great relationship and everything was talked through when it needed to be.

 

[Ksmиda]

Apart from instructions on what to do with my body and things, what else would I have to say?

 

[iamsofkntired]

Im sorry for what you are going through. Unfortunately, we can never fully know his reasons but i hope you can find peace regardless.
I myself am planning to leave a note but the last two times i attempted to ctb i didnt even try writing it. I was just in such a state that i couldnt. All i could think about at that moment was that i have to stop this pain. No matter what i just need to stop this pain because i cant take it its killing me. I completely forgot about the note, I forgot about everything around me basically. Idk but thats just how it looked like for me.

I thought about that with him I think he just wasn't in the right mind to say goodbye and write something

Apart from instructions on what to do with my body and things, what else would I have to say?

say goodbye just tell them that it's okay to move forward if you care about someone please tell them cuz I know how they would feel

 

[Kit1]

I thought about that with him I think he just wasn't in the right mind to say goodbye and write something

say goodbye just tell them that it's okay to move forward if you care about someone please tell them cuz I know how they would feel

I really feel for you. Not having an explanation is clearly making an extremely traumatic experience worse and leaving you without a closure of some sort.

Suicide is a strange experience - for those like me who have to fight that feeling everyday and spend some days feeling actively suicidal that I wouldn't know whether I would be dead or alive at yhe end of those days, for those who successfully ctb, for those (like yourself) who have lost a loved one without an explanation and a eenial of a closure which leads to further hell and challenges. It is a struggle for everyone. It is difficult for people to make decisions as what leads us to where we are in our lives are varied and complex. If someone is just struggling to breathe, to live , to survive, to die - a note might be the last thing on their mind. In my case, if I can successfully force myself to write a suicide note to leave behind, the chances are that I will not survive that.

Having read through so many posts of so many dear friends (strangers who have become friends due to the shared isolation that has led us here, a bond and pain that few flcare to understand or help out in the world of medical systems, families, support services etc) - I feel like most of here are genuinely feeling sorrowful for the pain you are experiencing and some of us can appreciate the mirror that you are holding up to as the reflection is of what some of our own families or friends might go through. I am really sorry that you are sufferingbso much and I sincerely hope that you find solace, consolation and peace of mind. Wishing you all the best.

 

[iamsofkntired]

I really feel for you. Not having an explanation is clearly making an extremely traumatic experience worse and leaving you without a closure of some sort.

Suicide is a strange experience - for those like me who have to fight that feeling everyday and spend some days feeling actively suicidal that I wouldn't know whether I would be dead or alive at yhe end of those days, for those who successfully ctb, for those (like yourself) who have lost a loved one without an explanation and a eenial of a closure which leads to further hell and challenges. It is a struggle for everyone. It is difficult for people to make decisions as what leads us to where we are in our lives are varied and complex. If someone is just struggling to breathe, to live , to survive, to die - a note might be the last thing on their mind. In my case, if I can successfully force myself to write a suicide note to leave behind, the chances are that I will not survive that.

Having read through so many posts of so many dear friends (strangers who have become friends due to the shared isolation that has led us here, a bond and pain that few flcare to understand or help out in the world of medical systems, families, support services etc) - I feel like most of here are genuinely feeling sorrowful for the pain you are experiencing and some of us can appreciate the mirror that you are holding up to as the reflection is of what some of our own families or friends might go through. I am really sorry that you are sufferingbso much and I sincerely hope that you find solace, consolation and peace of mind. Wishing you all the best.

Thank you so much for writing this , i would like to believe that he wasn't suffering but I know he was and this came right on , I hope I'll know what was going on when I see him again if I ever do and I hope you get what ever you want if it's happiness or death just please be okay