Don't worry, the post isn't cringe. I think this is very common, very human; it's fear of the unknown. This is one more major obstacle to CTB for me.
I'm not religious, more agnostic, I suppose. What I'd wish for is "the void", or, what I believe, to be the pre-birth state of nothingness. And it scares me that I can't be certain of it, even though it's a likely possibility. Consciousness ceases when cognitive function ceases, as far as we know. But science is still limited; it's a slow process to advance, and humans don't know much in the grand scheme of things.
The fear of eternal damnation as a possibility is strong, but I belive it's the brain being irrational, or defaulting to the worst. If there were some kind of deity(ies), let's assume just ones, there would have to be some kind of purgatory, even for the worst of sinners, because humans are heavily influenced by biologic drive and environment, despite their free will. Imo. It never made sense to me that, at least with Christianity, God being "perfect", in my understanding, could create something deliberately flawed and then punish them for that.
And as for near-death experiences, I believe they have been mostly debunked as intense hallucinations from the brain going haywire; maybe something like sleep paralysis, where things feel extremely real, but they are only happening in the imagination.
Just know that you're not alone in this fear. It's truly difficult to deal with something like this, something so heavy. Because this is "the rest of eternity" we're talking about.
