Not going to be able to finish my degree

[Salvation_]

Well. It's been a battle, alright. I want to tell my advisor I want to give up but that would make it seem like I want to CTB. Which, to be fair, I probably will in December.

It's depressing to know I've worked 4 years but my mental health always collapses and I just don't care anymore. Honestly, I want to CTB asap but I can't because I have some obligations to fill first. But then I ask why any of it matters.

Bc honestly, it doesn't. I'm just never going to amount to anything. I can't get a degree or a job. My original plan was to die in May 2021 but I got stuck in a position where I couldn't. But in December, I'll be alone with my SN.


I'm just tired and done. I hate school. I hate myself. I hate everything I do or write. I'm so fucking tired. And I don't want to be stuck with my parents. I'd rather die. These words may seem harsh, but it's the truth. I don't want to be a liability. At this point, I don't even care about the people I leave behind. We're all gonna die someday. So. Nothing matters in the end.


I hope my SN is still good. It's been about 2 years. I have to try, anyways.

 

[jodes2]

Your SN will be fine. Unopened it's ok for decades. Your parents will miss you! Sorry you're suffering

 

[Finding Sirius]

I'm sorry you have been brought to this. Whatever you choose, I hope you find peace.

 

[Nirrend]

Well. It's been a battle, alright. I want to tell my advisor I want to give up but that would make it seem like I want to CTB. Which, to be fair, I probably will in December.

It's depressing to know I've worked 4 years but my mental health always collapses and I just don't care anymore. Honestly, I want to CTB asap but I can't because I have some obligations to fill first. But then I ask why any of it matters.

Bc honestly, it doesn't. I'm just never going to amount to anything. I can't get a degree or a job. My original plan was to die in May 2021 but I got stuck in a position where I couldn't. But in December, I'll be alone with my SN.


I'm just tired and done. I hate school. I hate myself. I hate everything I do or write. I'm so fucking tired. And I don't want to be stuck with my parents. I'd rather die. These words may seem harsh, but it's the truth. I don't want to be a liability. At this point, I don't even care about the people I leave behind. We're all gonna die someday. So. Nothing matters in the end.


I hope my SN is still good. It's been about 2 years. I have to try, anyways.

Hi sweet @Kim Dokja

I'm really sort for what you are living through.. I understand how hard is it to struggle against ourselves when we have obligations related to a degree.

I have the feeling that you are looking for this diploma above all, not because you want to be able to work in a sector of activity, but more as a proof, an achievement, a promise... I don't really know and maybe I'm wrong.

I went through these stages too and I understand you, even if you sometimes feel unable to succeed, don't despair, be proud of the path you have taken in your life even if there have been failures like for anyone ❤

I'm really sorry that you are suffering so much...

I wish you that things will get better

In any case, whatever you choose to do, I wish you happiness ❤

Sending you love ❤

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know there can be a lot of shame when you struggle this way and it's devastating to see hard work bear no fruit. What's getting in the way of finishing your degree?

 

[Salvation_]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know there can be a lot of shame when you struggle this way and it's devastating to see hard work bear no fruit. What's getting in the way of finishing your degree?

I'm unable to pass the class needed. The requirements for switching to a similar major is too high and the college is too big to really give a fuck.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm unable to pass the class needed. The requirements for switching to a similar major is too high and the college is too big to really give a fuck.

Is it because the class is too difficult?

 

[Salvation_]

Is it because the class is too difficult?

I was depressed for a lot of my college life but I was never allowed to take breaks. I had to repeat classes and I lost all motivation. This semester, I tried, but it's already too late. I'm ready to give up. I'm not fit for college, or a job, or anything. I'm naturally a quitter. I spent so much of my time feeling miserable and lonely at this college, I can't deal with it anymore. I thought my depression would get better after I left high school. It's been 6 years and it's never gotten better. I just finally have the means to CTB unlike those high school fantasies, and I'm older and a consenting adult as well.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I was depressed for a lot of my college life but I was never allowed to take breaks. I had to repeat classes and I lost all motivation. This semester, I tried, but it's already too late. I'm ready to give up. I'm not fit for college, or a job, or anything. I'm naturally a quitter. I spent so much of my time feeling miserable and lonely at this college, I can't deal with it anymore. I thought my depression would get better after I left high school. It's been 6 years and it's never gotten better. I just finally have the means to CTB unlike those high school fantasies, and I'm older and a consenting adult as well.

Well I can relate very well to having mental issues impede your education. It's devastating and sets you up for failure. I'm not sure if it really is too late for you but I understand not wanting to continue to try.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wishing to leave this life behind are understandable, it can certainly be tiring having to endure a life that you hate and just causes you to suffer. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you are looking for.

 

[Winterreise]

I fucking hate schools, even though they are important. I fucking hate them. Staring at the fucking chalkboard for 8 fucking hours, nodding, pretending to be awake. Then get home to figure out what the hell i just saw. Cos now i can finally use my own fucking brain

 

[Obliviate]

I'm going through LITERALLY the same thing rn. I'm in my last semester of college and I'm like should I just CTB now? like who cares I'll be gone and my degree won't matter especially since things are just getting worse. And then the other option is well I'm right there I might as well graduate to say that I atleast did something in my life before leaving. Same situation with the parents too, won't be able to get a job because of various reasons, won't be able to go to grad school, nothing. It's the end for me. I don't give two shits about anyone besides my two cats. The humans can go fuck themselves. I literally have no reason to go on.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm going through LITERALLY the same thing rn. I'm in my last semester of college and I'm like should I just CTB now? like who cares I'll be gone and my degree won't matter especially since things are just getting worse. And then the other option is well I'm right there I might as well graduate to say that I atleast did something in my life before leaving. Same situation with the parents too, won't be able to get a job because of various reasons, won't be able to go to grad school, nothing. It's the end for me. I don't give two shits about anyone besides my two cats. The humans can go fuck themselves. I literally have no reason to go on.

Well, as it's pretty clear from being here there is no guarantee anyone will ever go through with CTB. You don't want to sabotage your life out of apathy only to find yourself compelled to repair the damage later down the line (ask me how I know!). So I think it is worth finishing it, especially since you're so close.

 

[chloramine]

I was depressed for a lot of my college life but I was never allowed to take breaks. I had to repeat classes and I lost all motivation. This semester, I tried, but it's already too late. I'm ready to give up. I'm not fit for college, or a job, or anything. I'm naturally a quitter. I spent so much of my time feeling miserable and lonely at this college, I can't deal with it anymore. I thought my depression would get better after I left high school. It's been 6 years and it's never gotten better. I just finally have the means to CTB unlike those high school fantasies, and I'm older and a consenting adult as well.

The fact that you've kept trying suggests to me that you're not really a quitter. School is a lot and if it's not something you can do then that is okay. It sounds more like you keep trying and hitting a point where you can't anymore- which isn't really quitting. Honestly repeatedly taking classes to pass them takes a lot and I find it impressive.

I feel the same way about not being fit for anything or not being able to do the things society expects/requires. It's brutal, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Whatever you decide I hope it works out for you and that your stress levels ease off.

 

[Salvation_]

The fact that you've kept trying suggests to me that you're not really a quitter. School is a lot and if it's not something you can do then that is okay. It sounds more like you keep trying and hitting a point where you can't anymore- which isn't really quitting. Honestly repeatedly taking classes to pass them takes a lot and I find it impressive.

I feel the same way about not being fit for anything or not being able to do the things society expects/requires. It's brutal, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Whatever you decide I hope it works out for you and that your stress levels ease off.

I ran out of attempts to take a required class last semester. This semester I was working to transfer majors, but I only just found out that I don't meet the requirements anyways, haha. Unless I transfer into something that makes me start all over again. I can't handle that at all. I've been so miserable and it's my fifth year already. What am I supposed to do? Struggle another three years? Fuck that.

I call myself a quitter because my dad loved to call me a quitter when I was younger. I think there's morbid irony that he was right, I'm a quitter and I'm tired of struggling with myself. Meds, therapy, support, it's not gonna solve the main issue in that I can't live with myself and the failure I am. If I continue school, I'll just have bad semesters again where I spiral into depression and suicide ideation, and then what? I can't keep dragging out a miserable life like this. So, why bother?

 

[chloramine]

I ran out of attempts to take a required class last semester. This semester I was working to transfer majors, but I only just found out that I don't meet the requirements anyways, haha. Unless I transfer into something that makes me start all over again. I can't handle that at all. I've been so miserable and it's my fifth year already. What am I supposed to do? Struggle another three years? Fuck that.

I call myself a quitter because my dad loved to call me a quitter when I was younger. I think there's morbid irony that he was right, I'm a quitter and I'm tired of struggling with myself. Meds, therapy, support, it's not gonna solve the main issue in that I can't live with myself and the failure I am. If I continue school, I'll just have bad semesters again where I spiral into depression and suicide ideation, and then what? I can't keep dragging out a miserable life like this. So, why bother?

Not wanting to have to redo years of school is completely reasonable. That does not make you a quitter at all. I see your situation more as someone who keeps going and going and eventually your body gives out on you. If school isn't working for you then I'd recommend looking into other alternatives. I don't know that there are any that will work out given that depression makes basic necessities a struggle- never mind work, but. It sounds like school is making things worse without providing any real benefit to you right now.

 

[BGooG]

As an academic I have to jump in here. Believe it or not, your school very much wants you to finish and get your degree. And they don't want you to have to restart. Two of a school's important metrics are the % of students who finish, and the number of years to get a degree. So, your finishing without starting over is in their best interest.

What this means is they'll likely work with you to figure out a path through to getting your degree. Talk to a program advisor or an academic advisor about your issue - you need to pass this one class, but you're out of attempts to try and pass it. Chances are they'll figure out an alternative for you that'll allow you to finish without restarting.

I realize that none of this addresses your more central issues, and I'm sorry about that. But I just thought that if you can at least take the academic pressure out of the equation, it might help you better focus on some of the other aspects that are confronting you. I apologize if I'm sounding condescending; I certainly do not mean to.

 

[Salvation_]

As an academic I have to jump in here. Believe it or not, your school very much wants you to finish and get your degree. And they don't want you to have to restart. Two of a school's important metrics are the % of students who finish, and the number of years to get a degree. So, your finishing without starting over is in their best interest.

What this means is they'll likely work with you to figure out a path through to getting your degree. Talk to a program advisor or an academic advisor about your issue - you need to pass this one class, but you're out of attempts to try and pass it. Chances are they'll figure out an alternative for you that'll allow you to finish without restarting.

I realize that none of this addresses your more central issues, and I'm sorry about that. But I just thought that if you can at least take the academic pressure out of the equation, it might help you better focus on some of the other aspects that are confronting you. I apologize if I'm sounding condescending; I certainly do not mean to.

No, you don't sound condescending at all! I'd love to finish school, but my school is extremely big and the advising department is trash. I've switched advisors 4 times now, and my new one is inexperienced and when I was advised by a career counselor to speak to a more experienced advisor about switching majors, I was told by my department that it "wasn't allowed" and I could only make an appointment with my appointed advisor. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses but I feel like I never get the answers I want whenever I talk to my advisor. My advisor doesn't even know I don't have the requirements to switch into the major most similar to mine even though we talked about it months ago. So, I'm not sure what useful advice will be given to me other than starting over in a new major.


Months ago, my old advisor told me not to submit the application to retake the class one final time unless it was a "serious" excuse because they'll most likely reject it otherwise. They basically discouraged me from going ahead with the application and I was already depressed enough not to care.

I don't know if my depression would disappear if I finish schooling, but right now I feel like I'm in a hopeless spot and my school, as mentioned, is wayyyy too big and oversaturated to care. They keep overadmitting students every year. It's not really a surprise that the advising department, which is full of underpaid employees, is utter garbage. Again, I take responsibility for my own academic failings, but the school doesn't give a lot of help in putting me on the right track. And I'm just not very good at taking responsibility for myself in terms of where to go from here.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

No, you don't sound condescending at all! I'd love to finish school, but my school is extremely big and the advising department is trash. I've switched advisors 4 times now, and my new one is inexperienced and when I was advised by a career counselor to speak to a more experienced advisor about switching majors, I was told by my department that it "wasn't allowed" and I could only make an appointment with my appointed advisor. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses but I feel like I never get the answers I want whenever I talk to my advisor. My advisor doesn't even know I don't have the requirements to switch into the major most similar to mine even though we talked about it months ago. So, I'm not sure what useful advice will be given to me other than starting over in a new major.


Months ago, my old advisor told me not to submit the application to retake the class one final time unless it was a "serious" excuse because they'll most likely reject it otherwise. They basically discouraged me from going ahead with the application and I was already depressed enough not to care.

I don't know if my depression would disappear if I finish schooling, but right now I feel like I'm in a hopeless spot and my school, as mentioned, is wayyyy too big and oversaturated to care. They keep overadmitting students every year. It's not really a surprise that the advising department, which is full of underpaid employees, is utter garbage. Again, I take responsibility for my own academic failings, but the school doesn't give a lot of help in putting me on the right track. And I'm just not very good at taking responsibility for myself in terms of where to go from here.

Would you be willing to share what you were studying? If you see a mental health professional, maybe a note from them would be acceptable?

 

[chocolatebar]

I'm sorry for everything. Education isn't supposed to put so much pressure on people, to label them, to focus on scores, to make people feel bad about themselves or anything like that. Our system is so distopic...

but out of curiosity, your title looks to me like giving a slightly opposing idea from your post. Do you still want to finish it?

 

[Salvation_]

I'm sorry for everything. Education isn't supposed to put so much pressure on people, to label them, to focus on scores, to make people feel bad about themselves or anything like that. Our system is so distopic...

but out of curiosity, your title looks to me like giving a slightly opposing idea from your post. Do you still want to finish it?

I'd like to finish it, but I'm not able to because I'm not allowed to retake the class needed after too many attempts. I spent a lot of those semesters depressed but it's just an excuse. I already sank 4 years into this investment, and I doubt anything meaningful will come out of trying to sink any more years in.

Would you be willing to share what you were studying? If you see a mental health professional, maybe a note from them would be acceptable?

Computer science. The college isn't lenient on students in the major. Like I said: they overadmit. I don't think they care at all about my circumstances. I shouldn't even be here anymore.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'd like to finish it, but I'm not able to because I'm not allowed to retake the class needed after too many attempts. I spent a lot of those semesters depressed but it's just an excuse. I already sank 4 years into this investment, and I doubt anything meaningful will come out of trying to sink any more years in.

Computer science. The college isn't lenient on students in the major. Like I said: they overadmit. I don't think they care at all about my circumstances. I shouldn't even be here anymore.

I'm sorry. That's a demanding course of study as it is let alone when you are struggling with your mental health. Depression isn't an excuse; it was an additional burden you had to negotiate in addition to all the usual things. Maybe there are certification (so shorter) programs with computers you could look into. I don't know, I'm in a similar position as you as regards education and mental health getting in the way, and I certainly don't want to try yet again, so I don't blame you for not wanting to either.

 

[Regret]

I wonder if you could start a computer science career options forum… maybe someone here knows about the topic you need help with?

 

[chocolatebar]

I'd like to finish it, but I'm not able to because I'm not allowed to retake the class needed after too many attempts. I spent a lot of those semesters depressed but it's just an excuse. I already sank 4 years into this investment, and I doubt anything meaningful will come out of trying to sink any more years in.

I don't know how the education system works where you live, but have you checked if you can do thar single class in another institution (maybe some online one) and then include the credits in yours? Perhaps you use other words to describe this process, but I think the general idea would be the same. Perhaps this wouldn't be too expensive.

Different professors and institutions can make a lot of difference and also give you a slight breath of fresh air.

 

[Obliviate]

Well, as it's pretty clear from being here there is no guarantee anyone will ever go through with CTB. You don't want to sabotage your life out of apathy only to find yourself compelled to repair the damage later down the line (ask me how I know!). So I think it is worth finishing it, especially since you're so close.

Yeah I decided that I was gonna wait to CTB till after graduation but ONLY because incase it fails I atleast have a degree to fall back upon.