not doing well.. thoughts?

[setty]

recently, my life has not been the best

i have not been as focused on classes

sleep schedule is fucked

time management is terrible, i am spending all my time on youtube and netflix just trying to pass the time

and playing video games with friends even though i dont even enjoy it.

i just dont want to lose them as friends even though the only time we talk is when we play games.

so i end up wasting every day doing nothing, which is one of the worst feelings that i just hate

i also recently relapsed and seriously cut myself after being able to avoid it for months

this has been one of the first times in months i have been in such a terrible mental state

that i am relying on SH to help cope with my situation but i know that SH will not work forever

it is becoming more difficult to live everyday, but i do not know how i can start improving my life

i feel like everything wrong in my life is my fault but i have no idea on how i can get better

and it really does not help that i have no one to talk about my problems to

i just feel alone and stuck in a terrible place in my life that i cannot get out of



i cant talk to anyone so i have just been trying to sort it out by myself

and i realise that it cannot be good to be in a echo chamber with myself

if anyone has any thoughts on this i would really appreciate it

i think that i really need to hear something else other than my own thoughts

 

[je.suis.prêt]

I'm no doctor, but you sound as if you're struggling to cope. And you being on this site says so too.

You said you feel stuck in a terrible place in life; I felt the same way too, and can somewhat close to suicide.

I'm still in the process of recovering, but what helped me was having someone — a family friend — who cares about me and my feelings, and who is helping me get back on track in life. I do acknowledge that not everyone has someone who they can lean on, so I am very lucky in this respect.

You say that you cannot talk to anyone; I've also spoken to a handful of really positive people on this site who were recovery focused who gave me a little mental respite. Posting here may also allow you to vent/get advice.

I don't know how old you are, but I imagine you're young (in the grand scheme). I hope you're able to not berate yourself for being in a tough spot, you're not a failure, you're just having a hard time currently.

 

[Deo volente]

i cant talk to anyone so i have just been trying to sort it out by myself

and i realise that it cannot be good to be in a echo chamber with myself

if anyone has any thoughts on this i would really appreciate it

i think that i really need to hear something else other than my own thoughts

You are smart to realize this. I was in a similar situation at a school before but I didn't get help until it was too late to stay there. Even if that happens though, it wasn't the end for me.

If your school has counseling services or something similar, that's a good starting point. Alternatively, if you are able to, seeing a doctor can be helpful to talk about your options to get out of this situation.

I know it feels like it's all your fault but these situations are always bigger than just yourself. It's why getting outside perspectives is so important. You sound like you are under incredible pressures and your brain is just trying to protect you the best it knows how; even as it's hurting you or sabotaging your life. It's tragic and confusing and you deserve help and clarity.

In your words I see the seeds of some really profound self-understanding. Things are not hopeless for you but, to undertake the work of repair alone is an impossible burden. Good luck <3

 

[setty]

I know it feels like it's all your fault but these situations are always bigger than just yourself. It's why getting outside perspectives is so important.

it is difficult because i really want to think i can sort things out on my own

seeing other people around me doing fine

i just assume that others are content with their lives and i am alone with what i am going through

even though they could be going through the same thing, i just never get to find out

i really should talk to more people

 

[scarecrowbubu]

What I reccomend you then is talking to yourself first. You are your own best friend. Treat yourself how you would treat your bestfriend. Making sure they sleep and follow a routine and make sure they eat good. Start with small steps. Making a good sleeping routine could be a start. From there one thing will pull the other. You can do it, you already took the first step reaching out and looking for the best. After you have sleep food and routine down you will see that it will be easier. Wish you all the best. Keep your head up.❤❤

 

[Deo volente]

it is difficult because i really want to think i can sort things out on my own

seeing other people around me doing fine

i just assume that others are content with their lives and i am alone with what i am going through

even though they could be going through the same thing, i just never get to find out

i really should talk to more people

I know how it is to want to take care of everything yourself. I think, everyone else doesn't need any help. I should be like them. You already realize the lie in that though. I just don't see their struggle. When I do that, I make the mistake of pursuing an incomplete version of them. And that leaves me stranded as soon as I stop being content.

When I feel bad about needing help, I remind myself that to be content means getting support when things aren't working for me. Also, that those who seem to being doing fine are the same people that get help when they need it; or else they are just pretending.

I don't know that any of this will resonate but I do know that you deserve better than to go through this alone.