Venting Not being enough for the girl I loved

[RainyAfternoon]

30M
I was blindsided by the girl of my dreams a few weeks ago. We had been dating for 5 months and it was a near perfect relationship during that time.

I'm an introvert and have a hard time making new connections. Lockdowns really messed with my social life in my 20s and since then I've struggled to find opportunities to meet people in general. Lately I've felt like I missed an important stage in my life and am racing against time to catch up.

I've had a few short relationships, but this was the only one where I've ever felt a real and deep connection. From the moment we first met, conversation was effortless and we seemed to be on the same wavelength about so many things. I don't find most people attractive but with her I was immediately taken by her beauty, mannerisms, and style. She made me feel safe because her lifestyle was so similar to mine. As we got to know each other, I learned about some of her flaws but they just made me love her more. All I wanted was to care for her and support her and enable her to be confident in herself. When we were together, everything felt right and we both seemed extremely happy.

In our relationship I put my best self forward. I was selfless, supportive, and passionate. I never raised my voice or criticized her. I took the time to learn about her favorite things about how she liked to receive affection. And she did the same for me. I finally felt cared about and valued for the first time in my life.

Then it ended so quickly, without any signs. To the last hour she was affectionate, and then suddenly it meant nothing to her. I haven't heard a single word from her since the breakup. Now I'm overcome by feelings of confusion and abandonment.

I can't imagine going forward in life from this. Not because of the raw emotions I feel; I know those will pass. What hurts the most is knowing that my best self wasn't good enough to be happy with my dream girl. I worry that I'll spend the remainder of my dating life comparing girls to her, and in the end I'll settle for less. If choose not to settle, I will likely be lonely and unloved the rest of my life.

I can't blame her because each person deserves to be with someone they want. I don't have an explaination for why she left me, but it is clear that I was not good enough for her in some way. I hate that it feels unfair. I feel like I am cursed to not have good things last in my life no matter how hard I try to set myself up for success. I hate that putting in effort is not the solution, because so many outcomes are arbitrary and unpredictable. I hate that people are quick to discard their partners instead of prioritizing communication and commitment. So much dating advice these days is about jumping through hoops and playing emotional games. Why can't there just be love?

I think I'll be okay, but it feels like it will be a long journey to regain a positive outlook on life.

 

[timf]

Breakup pain can be sharp and last a little longer if it is sudden and when there is no reason why. You should try to avoid beating yourself up with assumptions. It may not even had anything to do with you. She might have had some secret or problem and fled., it sounds like you don't know.

It sounds like you have a healthy perspective by thinking you will be okay.

 

[RainyAfternoon]

Breakup pain can be sharp and last a little longer if it is sudden and when there is no reason why. You should try to avoid beating yourself up with assumptions. It may not even had anything to do with you. She might have had some secret or problem and fled., it sounds like you don't know.

It sounds like you have a healthy perspective by thinking you will be okay.

Thank you for the response. I've gotten to a point now where most of the pain I feel isn't about my own image as much as it is the sense of loss. It took me so long to find this perfect person in my life, and I'm really worried I'm not going to find that again. I'm very hopeless thinking about the future at the moment.