Not advised - drank small amount of SN to understand how it will affect ME.

[WillOxyWork]

I wonder if they're okay

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I wonder if they're okay

I hope so. One way or another.

 

[Viro_Major]

Did she make it like intended ? If so, clap clap, her own way was not a benediction. Then "bon voyage" my friend. You'll be missed fondly and I thank you for your presence and all the talks while you were here.
In her memory, nothing was relieving her and her condition was agony. I don't think many SS'ers attain her level of continuous suffering and dire position. I hope, in contrast, some would reconsider their options and willingness to help themselves if they still have a sort of light ahead. She didn't want to die. It was never her choice. Probably the case which heartbroke me the most but you would only realise there was no argument possible through her repeated contact. Anyway, very versatile and attentive person as a friend, she would easily forget about herself for a moment to provide valuable input and warmth. Special breed and encounter around here ! Thank you, again... if you made it
On a side note, I'm losing my closest friends 1 by 1 :( Hard to let go but no regrets.

 

[Greenberg]

I hope she rests in peace.

 

[limpingtowardfreedom]

The burning in the colon concerns me. I have a strong stomach when it comes to digestion or food that's close to the date, but I am contrarily also pretty sensitive when it comes to the colon in some ways. I'm worried I have an undiagnosed leaky gut or something similar that could leave me in agony with SN. This is the first I've heard anything like this other than a heavy emphasis on 'intestinal emptying'.

I have a bad feeling SN could go very poorly for me, but no way to really find out besides what you did. Which, as you stated, would be a very bad idea. Not sure how to more reasonably 'test the waters'.

 

[Viro_Major]

If only

 

[Busdriver]

Unfortunately in my circumstances it's what I have. I could have access to N but the honest truth is I'm afraid of ctb no matter what or how peaceful so that's more complicated than i can explain

I feel so bad for you. You have SO MUCH pain!
CTB is super scary as there will always be some discomfort, and also you never know you might survive. Even it is peaceful, SI can still overwhelm you.

I do think that low dose testing gives a relative high amount of discomfort as your body is trying to fight/convert methemoglobine back to hemoglobine and will succeed in doing this without knocking you out.
I think it is like testing a gun and shoot yourself with half a bullet and/or shoot it at non-fatal body parts.
Pure based on speculation..

Are you still here btw?

 

[Viro_Major]

She's somewhere, but not around. I was talking to her on a daily basis at defined hours and I get no signs back.
Either she succeeded with an underdose, or she has been taken in charge and is under supervision as we speak.

Imho, mods can ban her if she's not back in a few hours. @angel-of-the-night @RainAndSadness

 

[agentgeez]

As someone with Crohn's disease this doesn't exactly inspire confidence, but I'm just going to have to push through with SN, as N seems too difficult to obtain. Regardless, I hope that the pain from earlier has stopped and that you're at peace, whatever condition you might be in.

 

[Living sucks]

I spent the last 36 hours in absolute hell.. the worst I've been ..Couldn't function called ems yesterday but did not tell them about SN.. they highly discouraged me from the hospital bcuz of Covid and they felt it would be a waste of time.
i am afraid they'll put me in psych if i even say i did it accidentally somehow.

breathing is definitely a huge issue and one to worry about.
Tbh i don't think my body has the ability to convert the methemoglobin back to hemoglobin.. my blood is like a black purple now since getting sick, not bright red.

it's now been Almost 48 hours .. I'm considering the hospital again and saying i was discarding it and accidentally breathed it in but will any treatments help 48 hours later? I wish i had insisted yesterday I'm in so much pain

 

[Unlucked]

Cant you store some of the SN in a different place and hand over the rest? Im so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You will only prolong your suffering if you dont go to the emergency, so I would suggest just hiding a small portion of it somewhere for your next CBT and going to the e.r

 

[Raminiki]

Please go to the ER. Don't put up with the pain. You need treatment to recover swiftly. I'm so sorry you're going through this, worried that you're not getting help when you need it.

 

[Living sucks]

I will not being using SN .. it was too much for me.. the breathing was scary.

i need to go to sleep fast

 

[Living sucks]

You said you had eaten prior to this. Usually it's done fasting. How are you feeling now? Any effects from it still?
It should have given you a fast heart rate. Did you experience that?

My heart actually felt weak and struggling to beat .. i have a very weak heart.. get winded just washing my hair
The labored breathing was the scariest part
And I always feel like death but now it's worse. Increased tinnitus and nerve issues. But if you're planning to be dead none of that matters

I'm curious, what happened to the part of the original post that asked for people to not get on your ass for doing this?

I thought my post was self explanatory and that pointing out the obvious wouldn't be necessary

 

[autumnal]

I will not being using SN .. it was too much for me.. the breathing was scary.

i need to go to sleep fast

As I explained previously, you will lose consciousness much faster and have a less distressing time if you actually take the full recommended dose of SN and follow the protocol with regarding to fasting etc.

The experience you gave yourself was literally the worst one possible, and was not representative of how SN works when done properly. You are an experienced member here, I am very surprised firstly that you would even do a pointless and reckless test like this, and secondly that you would post your experiences without clearly disclaiming that they are in no way typical of SN when it is done properly

 

[Busdriver]

I think OP also wanted to get familiar with SN, you know to have the idea of 'CTB with SN' in her comfort zone.

Problem with low dose is that it could give a lot of discomfort and therefore you become scared of the method, thinking that a 10x bigger dose, leads to 10x more discomfort, while it might be 10x less discomfort.

 

[autumnal]

I think OP also wanted to get familiar with SN, you know to have the idea of 'CTB with SN' in her comfort zone.

Yeah, just like how it's normal to try shooting yourself in the leg in order to get yourself in the comfort zone for shooting yourself in the head...

Problem with low dose is that it could give a lot of discomfort and therefore you become scared of the method, thinking that a 10x bigger dose, leads to 10x more discomfort, while it might be 10x less discomfort.

This. Exactly this.

And not only scare yourself, but potentially scare other members who don't understand the dynamics of SN dosage.

 

[Soul]

Sodium nitrite is toxic because of its effect on hemoglobin in the blood. So presumably it would be toxic if sodium nitrite solution (in water) were injected directly into the bloodstream. So far as I can see, there doesn't seem to be any particular reason why it should have to go through a digestive system to induce methemoglobinemia. However, please note that I have NOT researched this at all and it would be up to anyone who wished to know more to do the necessary research themselves.

This has been discussed and rejected as too painful even for intravenous administration. I'll try to look up the crucial bits.

@Living sucks, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. x

Update:
Here's a pretty thorough thread about why injecting SN is a very bad idea:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-or-intravenously-inject-sn.32449/post-603523

 

[Busdriver]

Yeah, just like how it's normal to try shooting yourself in the leg in order to get yourself in the comfort zone for shooting yourself in the head...

I get the analogy, but in reality SN is a lot more different than using a gun. You know for sure you are going to suffer if you shoot yourself in the leg.

It is tempting for people to test SN, because they think it is just a 'poor' version of N.

This. Exactly this.

And not only scare yourself, but potentially scare other members who don't understand the dynamics of SN dosage.

True, I know it the hard way actually. I also did some SN testing, but a much, much lower dose and felt like shit afterwards: bit nauseous, tired, migraine for a few hours.
It made me scared of using the CTB recommended dosage of SN, so testing SN works counterproductive indeed

 

[Linda]

This has been discussed and rejected as too painful even for intravenous administration. I'll try to look up the crucial bits.

@Living sucks, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. x

Update:
Here's a pretty thorough thread about why injecting SN is a very bad idea:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-or-intravenously-inject-sn.32449/post-603523

Thanks for the feedback. (I did say clearly that I hadn't researched it.)

 

[Soul]

Thanks for the feedback. (I did say clearly that I hadn't researched it.)

Indeed you did. And you opened an opportunity to spread the word about it, so ... good job!

 

[Living sucks]

As I explained previously, you will lose consciousness much faster and have a less distressing time if you actually take the full recommended dose of SN and follow the protocol with regarding to fasting etc.

Can YOU guarantee that I will have a much less distressing time? That MY 20 mins will be peaceful? No you can't!

The experience you gave yourself was literally the worst one possible, and was not representative of how SN works when done properly. You are an experienced member here, I am very surprised firstly that you would even do a pointless and reckless test like this, and secondly that you would post your experiences without clearly disclaiming that they are in no way typical of SN when it is done properly

I disclaimed and stated my reasons and I believe this gave me an accurate picture of what I will feel. Obviously the difference will be I won't feel it 2 hours later I also stated that I hoped for accidental passing.

i thought it was clear I didn't want opinions.. i knew what I was doing and did it knowingly

 

[DominusWreck]

Firstly this is highly discouraged. Do not taste or test SN if you don't want to die.

I did this on purpose as I have severe health issues especially my gut. I have ulcers, ulcerative colitis, ischemia, hernias, my gut and immune system are destroyed. Severe dehydration, malnourished and bad organ function including heart.
I did this to try to get a small picture of what I might feel as I don't want my last minutes to be hell and I scream for help as I'm never alone and can't be alone..

I had eaten 2 hours prior to this

So I dissolved about 1-2g in approx 20- 30ml water. I can't measure exact bcuz it will raise flags needing the items.

I first poured a cap full and put it in my mouth, swished it and spit it out. I felt nothing so I did that again. Still nothing. It tasted like normal salt water but obviously this is a low concentration. At 25g I imagine it's more like Epsom salts.

then I poured about 1/5 cap full and swallowed it. I felt burning in my transverse colon quickly like mild heart burn. After a few mins had mild tingling in my hands. Slight lightheaded blurred vision no heart issues
This was over approx 10 mins

so I poured another 1/5 cap full
And drank that. I instantly got dizzy, felt weak in my heart, hands tingled more than normal. Was very lightheaded and worried I'd pass out and SI became strong.. i had fear but I am dying regardless so tbh accidental death would be preferred.

I prepared to log out and clear history in case I passed out and the symptoms started easing up..., this was approx 7 mins.

After doing this I believe that FOR ME (and possibly others with SEVERE gut issues, not mild ibs) a small dose will cause all symptoms to be exacerbated and possibly lose consciousness quickly ..
My fear is that if I don't lose consciousness quickly the pain I'll experience will be more than I can handle and call for help.

It's now been 30-40 minutes and i feel heavier than normal and heavy chest during breathing ...

This is definitely not how I wanted to pass or imagined I'd ever experience. I will be clear, I don't want to die, but my health circumstances make it impossible to go on and YES I've tried everything.. to the tune of $200k plus conventional insurance .. there is 0 quality for me.

maybe this helps someone with as bad health as me to decide on SN or not
i will answer questions if any

TLDR: it's gonna suck

Hi there, and thank your for the overview, a very useful and interesting experience.

If you feel like SN is not your preffeed method anymore, then maybe the cyanide gas can be of help?

You just need to mix two chemicals and heat them. And you will not have to digest anything, as you will be breathing in the gas.

You can find my cyanide post in the latest threads. There is a difficult and an easy part to it. I suggested you use the easy one so that you won't have to swallow anything.

 

[eve2004]

For what its worth, I did the same thing, same amount, had classic headache, dehydrated feeling, drowsiness, and blood pressure went very low...and I tend to be on the high side. Since I didn't "suffer" per se (I did it right before bed so if I was going to die, I'd have uninterrupted time to successfully go), so I am personally going to use this, perhaps even experiment more but the point is... no two people will react the same even on the same amount ingested... I know its dangerous but I want to know approximately where my threshold lies before I do this. If I die trying, well that's the idea. The only reason I'm not already dead is I haven't figured out a substance or amount that will give me a satisfactory level of "guaranteed performance"... which is very individual.

Its possible that in a moment of despair my satisfactory level declines and I do it anyway... I'm aware of that. I live alone now, nowhere to be, and cut everyone off so now is ideal.

Oh ya, I was a bit nauseous.

I wonder if the pandemic will have an effect where certain lethal substances will be more readily available...since I am reading that there is no way out of this, and no going back to normal... (per the head organisation).

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Thanks for the feedback. (I did say clearly that I hadn't researched it.)

There are also discussions about doing rectal plugs but there isn't yet a protocol. Some people, I think two, have ingested SN as well as added it to the skin with a substance, but as I recall at least one of them aborted and called emergency services, they're in the SN successes and failures anecdotes if you're curious and want accurate information.

 

[autumnal]

Can YOU guarantee that I will have a much less distressing time? That MY 20 mins will be peaceful? No you can't!

You know full well that there are no absolute guarantees, and it is just a straw man argument to ask me to provide you with any.

However, I can say with a high degree of confidence that you will reach unconsciousness and death much more quickly if you use the recommended dosage of SN, follow the fasting protocols and use the optional add-on medications. That's not just my opinion either, it's the established view of the PPH and Stan's Guide.

As I understand it, you experienced the following symptoms during your test:

• burning in my transverse colon quickly like mild heart burn
• mild tingling in my hands
• Slight lightheaded
• blurred vision
• no heart issues

This was over approx 10 mins​

​

so I poured another 1/5 cap full​

And drank that.​

• I instantly got dizzy
• felt weak in my heart
• hands tingled more than normal
• Was very lightheaded and worried I'd pass out
• and SI became strong

In all honesty, none of these effects sound particularly distressing, especially not when knowing in advance to expect them. This is especially the case when they are compared with the symptoms and suffering you presumably experience regularly as a result of your medical conditions. From your level of distress experienced at such relatively mild effects of SN, the one thing this test may have been useful in showing is that you are perhaps less emotionally ready to be attempting suicide than you may think.

I disclaimed and stated my reasons and I believe this gave me an accurate picture of what I will feel. Obviously the difference will be I won't feel it 2 hours later I also stated that I hoped for accidental passing.

I'm not disputing that your test gave you an accurate picture of what you will feel, although I do believe the symptoms may have been slightly alleviated had you followed all of the fasting protocols, and definitely alleviated had you added in the optional medications. But I am disputing the benefit of having done this test in the first place. Had you asked any experienced person in advance, they could have told you the symptoms you were likely to experience. In fact, you come across as an intelligent and experienced member and I would have assumed you would already know these symptoms yourself. What you don't seem aware of, however, is that the low dosage of SN used, and failure to follow the fasting protocols, meant that your test had very little likelihood of being fatal. As such, you just put yourself through a lengthy period of suffering without even getting the reward of death at the end of it.

Hoping for 'accidental passing' is just fanciful if you deliberately take a vastly inadequate dose of SN and fail to follow the protocol. It's really not clear to me why you didn't either not do the pointless test at all, or change the fantasy of 'accidental passing' into deliberate passing by increasing the dose to the recommended amount.

i thought it was clear I didn't want opinions.. i knew what I was doing and did it knowingly

It makes no difference whether or not you wanted opinions as to whether or not you receive them. In fact as a rule I would generally think it the most important to consider giving opinions when someone specifically forbids them, because it suggests they already know that their position is untenable or controversial.

You seem like a decent person, and it genuinely pains me to hear of you going through the suffering of your test for such pointless reasons. That's why I'm being honest in my assessment of it, to hopefully at least prevent others from making the same mistakes.

I get the analogy, but in reality SN is a lot more different than using a gun. You know for sure you are going to suffer if you shoot yourself in the leg.

It is tempting for people to test SN, because they think it is just a 'poor' version of N.

But you also know with a relatively high degree of certainty what you are going to experience if you test a small amount of SN. This is of course assuming you are a relatively average person in terms of normal gastric functioning etc.

It just puzzles me that the same people who trust a doctor to provide medical treatment or a mechanic to fix their car do not have the same degree of trust in the experts who explain the mechanisms of a poison like SN.

True, I know it the hard way actually. I also did some SN testing, but a much, much lower dose and felt like shit afterwards: bit nauseous, tired, migraine for a few hours.
It made me scared of using the CTB recommended dosage of SN, so testing SN works counterproductive indeed

Obviously adding in the optional medications will target the nausea and headaches. And taking the recommended dosage of SN will lead to unconsciousness and death within a relatively short timeframe.

But even without the optional medications, are you saying that a hypothetical period of 20 minutes of nausea, tiredness and migraine is much harder to bear than simply continuing to stay alive? Because if so, then perhaps you aren't as ready to be suiciding as you may think.

 

[Folie]

SN is scary. The right dose is needed, and if it's not correct things can go wrong. I can't imagine dying like that. I'm sticking with the good old hanging method.

 

[Mixo]

op, can you tell us how you're doing now?

 

[Tigeress Lost]

I Wish You Peace How Are You Now Now?

 

[Busdriver]

It just puzzles me that the same people who trust a doctor to provide medical treatment or a mechanic to fix their car do not have the same degree of trust in the experts who explain the mechanisms of a poison like SN.

OP and I just wanted a preview of the SN trial. We know it is not smart.
I wanted to experience a glimpse of the SN ordeal.

Obviously adding in the optional medications will target the nausea and headaches. And taking the recommended dosage of SN will lead to unconsciousness and death within a relatively short timeframe.

But even without the optional medications, are you saying that a hypothetical period of 20 minutes of nausea, tiredness and migraine is much harder to bear than simply continuing to stay alive? Because if so, then perhaps you aren't as ready to be suiciding as you may think.

Let me tell you this: if my last 20 minutes would be like the nausea, tiredness, and migraine I experienced, then SN is like heaven. What I experienced wasn't a superbad feeling, not a nice feeling, but I would find it super peaceful if I would feel that in my last moments.

But then again I took a very low dose. Like 30 particles of SN mixed with 50ml water right after a big meal.

20 minutes of SN discomfort (after recommended SN amount) is a million times beter to bear than just staying alive. I really, REALLY hate life.

I mean, I see people in Recovery posting 'I am glad to be alive'. I could never say that.

Question then is: "what the hell am I still doing here?" Don't have energy to do stuff, procrastinating. But I am closer each day to CTB. I just need to wrap up some stuff. But it wouldn't surprise me if I would be alive for years, procrastinating CTB..