Discussion Non-romantic affection

[sashaisalone]

So this is the post I was promising yesterday but never got around to. The subject of this is how I feel like perhaps we should be more physically affectionate towards our friends, and if we did, people would likely be happier and less lonely. Idk if my perspective is influenced by me being bisexual and at one point very sociosexual (having non romantic sexual relationships). However I do notice some straight female friend groups come closer to what I'm proposing, where they'll braid and groom each others hair while giggling, they'll pet a friend who is lonely or upset, etc. I also know of a friend whose been to Sweden and she says straight girlfriends would even hold hands. Men almost never do this amongst themselves, doing so would probably be like "that's gay and unmanly".

Naturalistic observation of bonobos, our closest living relative from a genetic and taxonomy standpoint, they do precisely this. They love grooming, petting, and touching each other. They also tend to be more bisexual and sociosexual than most humans, so that might be a part of it too. Still, I think we can draw lines between what forms of touch can be casual and friendly, vs what's considered more intimate and more exclusive to romance and romantic courtship (examples: kissing on the lips, caressing more erogenous areas of the body, skin to skin contact on the waist/thorax/thighs, spooning, etc.) A rule of thumb I created for myself as a bisexual woman on what crosses more into areas of sexual/romantic interest and not simply being affectionate and nice is by asking the question "would I do this with a gay man or a straight woman?".

I thought of expanding more on this subject and maybe talking about normalizing not just this, but more sociosexual behavior in society. However, I think we have to move one step at a time to make humans less lonely, and I being a bisexual woman who convinced myself I was girlbossin' by slutting it up but now feels a lot of regret and shame, heterosexual cis women probably would have an even more shit time giving themselves up willy nilly because they feel a deep loneliness inside but actively choosing people to get spread by makes them feel superficially empowered and validated.

Just something to think about. Do you wish you had friends who were more physically affectionate and that being held or touched wasn't something that you're deprived of whenever you're single? Let me know what you think.

 

[U. A.]

lol @

thorax

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[sashaisalone]

lol @

[Hidden content]

Are you a boy or a girl? I feel like that's relevant. I mean, it should probably be normal to run your hands over your friend's back assuming they're wearing a shirt, but if you reach under their shirt because you want to feel their skin, that's more intimate. As for the front of someone's thorax. It's not quite the same as for a woman, but putting your hand on a man's chest feels kinda intimate too, just not the same as on a woman's boob lol.

Additional comment now that I'm editing: I live in the United States. So that's relevant too.

 

[princexhhn]

This is interesting to read, since it's a different perspective than mine. It's always been very normal to me, and I'm a very affectionate person in general, so I do this always with friends and family. I'm usually hanging onto someone's arm when I walk with them, I cuddle my friends and fall asleep like that sometimes, and other stuff. My best friend even takes me out on valentines and gets me flowers haha. Maybe it's just me, I don't know how common my experience is. I'm definitely clingier than most though. I sit on their laps sometimes, it's just normal to me

It's interesting to see that it's a more foreign concept for others, since I've acted this way and thought it normal my whole life. I just hope I am not called weird for this, I guess… I am just very close with my friends as well, so we are comfortable with affections with each other

I usually also just take everything as platonic unless said otherwise. I don't like mind games, confess or stay as a friend

 

[whywere]

I just wish I had friends to go to coffee/tea with.

I have always found it so hard to find friends to do things with that do not want some form of compensation.

Do not know what it is like to go on holiday with someone to share vistas and the like with.

Walter

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you're probably right. I've grown used to/ quite happy with a solitary life. However- when I was younger- I used to really like it when someone touched my arm, shoulder or hand when talking to me. It was such a simple action really- but it demonstrated a degree of affection- which felt nice.

It's also reassuring when you know you aren't attractive- that someone would actually be willing to touch you.

I'm female and straight but, it was nice to receive that plutonic affection from either men or women.