Nobody will care once I'm gone.

[AloneGunManTheory]

If anyone's been wondering why I was gone (the joke is that nobody cares) I was in the psych ward. SI made me end up spending my 19th birthday in a grippy sock vacation. I thought they would help but all I got was them gaving me some medication and sending me on my way (Prozac and Abilify). I felt different for like, three days, but now I'm back to where I started. No outside resources have reached out to me like they promised, no therapist, no psychiatrist, nothing. It only took a few days of being back home for my dad to start up with his usual bullshit. Saying I should find a different home since I "can't handle a little bit of arguing" because I called the cops on him for hitting my mom during an argument they had weeks ago. I want to die so bad. Having a set date doesn't make me feel better. I just have this lingering feeling that it will only somehow get worse. I plan on CTB by jumping off of a high building. Knowing me I will likely fuck it up and end up a vegetable, haha. God I'm fucking pathetic. Who fucking cares it doesn't matter in the end

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

I'm so sorry that life has brought you here, it's unbelievably shitty. :( I understand feeling discarded and rendered invisible by the very system that promised to look out for you, and especially by family. Your father sounds like a real piece of work.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you nothing but peace, whether that be found in CTB or an alternative approach. You are not pathetic, you were just given bad cards. It's not your fault.

 

[ctb_warrior]

If anyone's been wondering why I was gone (the joke is that nobody cares) I was in the psych ward. SI made me end up spending my 19th birthday in a grippy sock vacation. I thought they would help but all I got was them gaving me some medication and sending me on my way (Prozac and Abilify). I felt different for like, three days, but now I'm back to where I started. No outside resources have reached out to me like they promised, no therapist, no psychiatrist, nothing. It only took a few days of being back home for my dad to start up with his usual bullshit. Saying I should find a different home since I "can't handle a little bit of arguing" because I called the cops on him for hitting my mom during an argument they had weeks ago. I want to die so bad. Having a set date doesn't make me feel better. I just have this lingering feeling that it will only somehow get worse. I plan on CTB by jumping off of a high building. Knowing me I will likely fuck it up and end up a vegetable, haha. God I'm fucking pathetic. Who fucking cares it doesn't matter in the end

Abilify is a good medicine.
I'm so sorry that life has brought you here.
I wish you peace and bit of a suggestion, whatever path you choose, take time to plan and reflect. I have been impulsive in my past and it has only made it worse for me