Venting Nobody understands what I feel, I lost the love of my life

[StrangeLovve]

I am South American, I am 19 years old, I met a girl at university where we lived a movie romance, with her I lost my virginity, I made big plans, I even got over her with my parents, she became my adoration, she became my world and I probably wished I died losing her, I did everything to see us happy, even the last thing, she had not gotten over her ex, she made me believe that she was, I even gave her a ring that we were going to get married, every time I was with her I always wanted to be by her side, I saw her with so much love and innocence, but the day came when she broke up with me and I saw that her ex started following us every day, we had been in a relationship for 6 months, having sex 36 times, we had been going to beautiful places every week visiting shopping malls and dates, we traveled together, for me she was the love of my life, in September she broke up with me, to which I complained and she told me no, that she was breaking up with me For unimportant things
We agreed to talk to say goodbye in my room and she told me she kissed me and I cried to her that she wouldn't leave me, that she was my everything, that even if she was missing an organ I would give it to her and it's completely true, I am human because I loved, I loved her, I remember that when she blocked me I cried every day, in college with panic attacks, everyone saw me cry and she looked so smiling as if nothing had happened, all the moments, all the photos go through my head and sometimes I hear her voice in my head as it was before, encouraging me telling me that she loves me and how I wish all this was a lie, I fell into depression and anxiety, I went to the psychiatrist and the psychologist prescribed me zoloft and lamotrigine, I haven't seen her for 3 months because I'm on vacation from college, but every day I have not stopped crying for her departure because I loved her, I loved her with all my soul and it still hurts because she is still my baby, I still hold her in my mind and I still take care of her. I cry just writing this
I wanted to commit suicide because I couldn't stand another day like this, I broke friendship with several friends in common with her, I lost control of myself, I went to hell for her even my parents cried.
I want to commit suicide every day is like crying from sadness, you know I have hope that one day she unblocks me from WhatsApp and sends me a message at least something because we haven't talked since Halloween, she has blocked me, I feel very sad, I just want to see her eyes again like in my dreams where she is and tell her that despite everything, she is the owner of my heart, sorry if I'm stupid but I love her, sorry for everything, I'm so sorry.... my Nicole
I love you with all my heart

 

[birthdaylastwish]

Soy sudamericano, tengo 19 años, conocí a una chica en la universidad en la que vivimos un romance de película, con ella perdí mi virginidad, hice grandes planes, incluso la superé con mis padres, se convirtió en mi adoración, se convirtió en mi mundo y probablemente hubiera deseado morir perdiéndola, hice todo por vernos felices, incluso lo último, ella no había superado a su ex, me hizo creer que sí, hasta le di un anillo de que nos íbamos a casar, cada vez que estaba con ella siempre quería estar a su lado, la veía con tanto amor e inocencia, pero llegó el día en que rompió conmigo y vi que su ex empezó a seguirnos a los días, llevábamos 6 meses de relación, teniendo sexo 36 veces, habíamos estado yendo a lugares hermosos todas las semanas visitando centros comerciales y citas, viajábamos juntos, para mí ella era el amor de mi vida, en septiembre rompió conmigo, a lo que me quejé y me dijo que no, que rompía conmigo Por cosas sin importancia
Quedamos en hablar para despedirnos en mi cuarto y ella me besó y yo le lloré que no me dejaría, que era mi todo, que aunque le faltara un órgano se lo daría y es completamente cierto, soy humano porque amé, la amé, recuerdo que cuando me bloqueó lloré todos los días, en la universidad con ataques de pánico, todos me veían llorar y ella se veía tan sonriente como si nada hubiera pasado, todos los momentos, todas las fotos pasan por mi cabeza y a veces escucho su voz en mi cabeza como era antes, alentándome diciéndome que me ama y como quisiera que todo esto fuera mentira, caí en depresión y ansiedad, fui al psiquiatra y el psicólogo me recetó zoloft y lamotrigina, no la veo desde hace 3 meses porque estoy de vacaciones de la universidad, pero cada día no he parado de llorar por su partida porque la amaba, la amaba con toda mi alma y todavía me duele porque sigue siendo mi bebé, la sigo sosteniendo en mi mente y la sigo cuidando. Lloro solo escribiendo esto
Quise suicidarme porque no aguantaba un día más así, rompí amistad con varios amigos en común con ella, perdí el control de mí mismo, fui al infierno por ella hasta mis padres lloraron.
Quiero suicidarme todos los días es así de llorar de la tristeza, sabes tengo esperanza de que algún día me desbloquee de WhatsApp y me mande un mensaje por lo menos algo porque no hablamos desde Halloween, me tiene bloqueado, me siento muy triste, solo quiero volver a ver sus ojos como en mis sueños donde está y decirle que a pesar de todo, ella es la dueña de mi corazón, perdón si soy tonto pero la amo, perdón por todo, lo siento mucho.... mi Nicole
Te amo con todo mi corazón

Siento mucho que estés pasando por esto. También perdí a mi novia por razones que parecian ser sin importancia.
Espero que tomes la mejor decisión con la mejor mentalidad en el futuro.

Pero ahora, necesitas llorar y pensar.

 

[StrangeLovve]

Siento mucho que estés pasando por esto. También perdí a mi novia por razones que parecian ser sin importancia.
Espero que tomes la mejor decisión con la mejor mentalidad en el futuro.

Pero ahora, necesitas llorar y pensar.

You know what's the worst thing is that on my birthday I only wanted to be with her, and I didn't even receive a greeting, that killed me, I wanted to die, it was the worst day of my life, everyone greeted me (I have an active social life) but what about her, she was my damn life, Christmas, New Year's everything is shit, I lost

 

[birthdaylastwish]

You know what's the worst thing is that on my birthday I only wanted to be with her, and I didn't even receive a greeting, that killed me, I wanted to die, it was the worst day of my life, everyone greeted me (I have an active social life) but what about her, she was my damn life, Christmas, New Year's everything is shit, I lost

Sadly, we cant make decisions for other people. She made hers and it made you suffer.

But remember, you also have the power to make your choices too.
Your Christmans, your New years, your birthday, every other special date is now yours.

 

[Notaname]

I'm sorry...

 

[twilightSparriw]

Oh i do understand what you feel. Believe me i do and so do many others who were in this cruel situation and found a life after… or perhaps they took a bus… i'm a lot older than you and i can tell you that the ultimate cliché 'time heals' is so true… every time again.

 

[lotus11]

I understand, the same thing happened to me but with a boy ( I'm a girl) the difference in that I am a woman in my mid 30s and now he's left which is something I have no control over o think that o won't ever have the chance to have a children or a family of my own. I don't have the energy or time to find someone else I honestly just want to die

 

[ilvgore]

i get that im an 18 year old girl and i have lost the love of my life i made mistakes i have no energy to invest my time in stupid relationship where i have to gove give give and they give me one sided relationships he was perfect but my shit stupid whore ego took over i hope i die in the most painful way ever

 

[rs929]

I went through the same and it stills hurts a little bit.
However, it is MY personal opinion that you should consider extra carefully if you really want to CTB because of this. Time WILL heal those wounds and soon you'll find yourself together with someone else and won't believe you were contemplating suicide for this lost relationship.
Just an advice from someone older than you. You need to go 100% no contact with her in order to heal. Hide or dump pictures, block her from WhatsApp, etc.
(soy argentino por cierto)

 

[bankai]

I'm sorry man. She seems manipulative. You know the saying, ' hell is other people'

 

[needthebus]

i think you won't fall out of love with her until you find someone new. start jogging every day, hit the Apps, and look for someone else. You'll find someone else beautiful and will fall in love with her, but you need to actually put yourself on the market. You sound like a romantic guy and perhaps a girl out there is waiting for you and she's looking for you right now, but you keep not putting yourself out there.

 

[8leveloquenfrn4evr8]

this is so horrible... what a horrible world