Nobody likes me

[chococat]

I live in a smallish town, 27k people or so.

I've made many mistakes in my 20 years. I've been a prostitute, had an abortion, accused a couple guys of raping me, caused a scene with my abusive ex at a party, and ratted out one of the local gangs for killing a 17 year old.

I have, at best, 2 friends? I'm very thankful for them, but it's not enough to outweigh the hatred others have for me.

I've had my life nearly taken away from me multiple times. My ex threatened my life often, my mothers neglect nearly killed me as a child (I developed sepsis), my father didn't give a fuck, my stepparents have abused me, and recently a man strangled me until I was unconscious while raping me.

Then there's random people in my town, threatening to beat me up, revving their cars while I walk down the street, saying that I'm lying about being raped, etc.

Genuinely, why the fuck should I stay alive? Nobody, not even my own family, have any concern for me. I know that people are self-absorbed, whatever, but I've genuinely been treated so terribly that I know I shouldn't be alive. My parents conceived me after my brother died, I was a replacement baby, and I shouldn't be here.


Thanks for reading. It's been nice to vent. Planning on CTB before late September, my 21st Birthday. If you're in Australia or New Zealand and want a partner, HMU.

 

[luci_lived]

Those don't sound like mistakes to me. Sex work is real work, abortion is your right, and being SA'd isn't your fault. Life has dealt you a crazy hand, and made you grow up fast but I hope you know you're not the problem. It sounds like no one in your life validates your existence and you blame yourself for the terrible people they are.

I won't tell you to stay around if you don't want to, but I think you deserve a change of scenery and to be given a fresh start in this life.

 

[Aisley]

I agree with luci, and sometimes I feel like a broken record with this, but try moving, first. I used to do it all the time. Piss everyone off, burn all bridges and skip town hopefully a little smarter. It's worth a try.

 

[FuneralCry]

That just sounds so horrible what you've been through, I hate how humans create so much suffering, this human species is just awful to me in general and it's really understandable wishing to be gone. I hope you eventually find freedom from this hellish world.

 

[GasMonkey]

What's your method?

 

[nyee]

The hate that you describe being thrown towards your way sounds horrific. It's obvious you were dealt a losing hand in life and it's quite sad that it's forced a person that has barely dipped their toes in adulthood into the brink of taking their own life.

At that age there is still opportunity to start anew but it's respectable if you want to commit to ctb. Not everything has to be fixed and sometimes the thought of ending it is less painful that the uncertainty of the future.

If I may ask, how are you planning to spend your last few months, and what method are you going to prepare for the day?

 

[AllFoxedOut]

what an awful fucking existence to be dealt :c I'm so sorry... maybe you could try escaping that town before you CTB? Get a clearer understanding of what the rest of the world is like.

it sounds like you live near me and the idea of these kinda of things happening here make me sick to my stomach. take care of yourself and DM me if you need. I'll respect any choice you make

 

[MoonDog24]

I don't think you should do it, it sounds like you're a good person in a very unfortunate situation. Please think again about this.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I live in a smallish town, 27k people or so.

I've made many mistakes in my 20 years. I've been a prostitute, had an abortion, accused a couple guys of raping me, caused a scene with my abusive ex at a party, and ratted out one of the local gangs for killing a 17 year old.

I have, at best, 2 friends? I'm very thankful for them, but it's not enough to outweigh the hatred others have for me.

I've had my life nearly taken away from me multiple times. My ex threatened my life often, my mothers neglect nearly killed me as a child (I developed sepsis), my father didn't give a fuck, my stepparents have abused me, and recently a man strangled me until I was unconscious while raping me.

Then there's random people in my town, threatening to beat me up, revving their cars while I walk down the street, saying that I'm lying about being raped, etc.

Genuinely, why the fuck should I stay alive? Nobody, not even my own family, have any concern for me. I know that people are self-absorbed, whatever, but I've genuinely been treated so terribly that I know I shouldn't be alive. My parents conceived me after my brother died, I was a replacement baby, and I shouldn't be here.


Thanks for reading. It's been nice to vent. Planning on CTB before late September, my 21st Birthday. If you're in Australia or New Zealand and want a partner, HMU.

I honestly think that moving away and therefore moving forward could be an option for you if it's possible.
I'm not spewing any pro-life crap here or anything, but maybe you could end up feeling better in some way once you are away from all these evil bastards who are making your life a misery.
Fuck those people, nobody should have to be treated like you have.
If you have reached that point where life just ain't worth living, then I wish you a successful and peaceful CTB.