Venting nobody ever cares

[kitia973]

My hand hurts like shit because I hit it on the chair too hard and it fractured. Now my right hand looks like a giant dead whale that's on the verge of explosion.
I stabbed my chair. Lol. I keep treating inanimate things like living ones for some reason.

Things are never going to get better. I have accepted that a long time ago. I want to kill myself in the most violent way possible, I've always like to inflict physical pain on myself (and objects?) for some reason. It's satisfying. Stabbing the chair was also enjoyable, although I don't know why I decided to do that out of the blue.
I'll be able to come up an excuse for my hand later, since people injure themselves accidentally all the time.

Nobody ever cares and nobody ever will. I've developed a mindset of automatically assuming the absolute worst of people when they try to "help" me. It doesn't help. I am done putting myself out there like a fucking clown. For once, I actually spent my effort and time into something, and I get treated like a joke. I don't give a fuck if it looks nice or not, I just want some acknowledgement for the one thing I'm actually passionate about. Which I'm not even really passionate about anymore, because I have been losing interest in everything.

The higher expectations you have of someone, the more they will hurt you. I am done trying to see the good in people. I will viciously attack me myself before they have a chance to do so. I am garbage. My existence is an utter waste of space, I know. Thanks for the reminder, not that I needed it.



Just needed to get this off my chest. Also, my hand doesn't look so bloated now. It's still ugly as fuck though.
Also, my chair is made of wood.

I will never attempt to reach out again. Why would they say this to me. Why. I will pour sulfric acid down my ears to never hear anyone talk again.




"Whatever, it's useless to open up with you people anyway."

 

[EternalShore]

I'm so sorry! >_< I thought things were going well for you too! >_< but considering that you're here, ig, I should have figured the opposite~ >_< whoopsies! xD my apologies~ >_<
If you want to damage things without messing up your hand like that, I'd get a punching bag! ^_^ I've heard of guys who got things like it! hehe~ or something light like a bean bag chair or stuffed animals that you could throw around without breaking anything! ^_^ it'll cost much less than fixing your hand too~ >_<
I'm sure your bf doesn't feel that way about you~ >_< and I'm sure the rest of your class looks up to you~ :) after all, you were talking about how if you did anything, they'd all follow! :(
and I get that most of the time nobody cares... And it's awful that they don't~ :/ We can just suffer and nobody lifts a finger! >_< but I'm sure many others here will be willing to try and comfort you and your bf if you talk to him~ :) unfortunately, it's just that the people who actually have empathy and can care are just not irl and are separated by these awful digital screens and stuff! >_<

 

[ropeburns&migranes]

In the same boat as you, I hate myself so much it's eating me up inside. I'm sorry about your hand

 

[kitia973]

Maybe you have Object personalization like in Autistic Adults/Children https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30101594/, Thought I am not a professional in diagnostic so please don't take that as official.
AlsoIf it's any compliant you carry yourself well in your posts like a Qing Dynasty Scholar! though I also say that because I like Chinese history and foreign people on the forum - I agree with not trusting individuals and it is important to keep expectations at a low ball as to not be heartbroken when they eventually will betray you (Like Isolationism but only for so long), I do concur with the advice of EternalShore on getting some kind of punching bag - Not Joking, but kinda; If it helps, you can put a Taiwan/Japan flag on the punching bag (if your of that political sphere) or maybe go to one of those rooms where you can destroy things Ive seen them on YouTube, I don't know if they have them in your location in America though

All the best - good luck with your hands speedy recovery, and keep your furnishings healthy

I don't think I'm autistic. I have some pretty aggressive impulses, but I would just rather beat up objects than people. The former is less likely to land me to a sentence, and my rational side is still trying keep me in control.

My dad also used to go kicking and destroying things around the house when he got mad. At least he wasn't kicking up his kids.
It's a similar logic for me. Of course I wish to hurt those who have hurt me, but I don't want to rot in prison. So I channel my anger onto inanimate objects instead.

Thanks for the compliment! The part about the flag genuinely made me laugh. But no, it's more of a personal anger. None of the people who hurt me are Taiwanese or Japanese, so it wouldn't really be applicable.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain and feel alone. Try wrapping your hand kinda tight so it won't be swollen too bad. Just tear up an old T-shirt and fix it up and maybe some ibuprofen for the pain and swelling hopefully will help.

Don't expect too much from anyone. Everyone is human and for whatever reason will let you down at some point. I stay to myself now so I won't have to deal with that anymore. Maybe try to find something to do you enjoy, watch a funny movie or something. I use to watch Superbad so much on my bad days and I would always laugh.

I hope you feel better soon.