Does anyone else, particularly those in the UK, have any experience with addiction treatment services?.
This stupid abstinence model is partially to blame for what is happening to me.
One of these so called treatment services are over 90% to blame for the place I have landed up in.
They forced me into a cold turkey withdrawal from Benzos, a very high dose of them too.
Now, with regards to the Benzo addiction, they consider me 'recovered' and no longer affected by the drug, but fact is, when I stopped taking the Benzos, my life stopped with them.
I lost all my friends, when my life was at its very worst, not one of them texted me, messaged me, made any attempt to check if I was ok. I could not get out of bed for the first 6 months, if I did it felt like my head was being crushed in a vice and I felt as if I had flu constantly.
I lost everything, my life and body crumbled away. I have nothing left of my life back then, it's all gone, all been eaten away by this withdrawal.
It's been two years now since the cold turkey began, and I have nothing, no hobbies, no friends, no life outside the house, no chances, no opportunities, I am too unwell for any of these things.
I am so isolated, I am so lonely, but I would push people away now, nobody should be forced to deal with what's coming for me.
How in their right mind can anyone say someone living this way is 'recovered' and 'doing well'?.
The only reason I am still here is I am using the last of my waning energy to make a stand against this agency, I want to be remembered, I want my death to be a scar on their consciences.
I wish in some ways I could tell the guy helping me to try and do this, just how bad things are for me, but the true impact of this agency's actions will be revealed when I am gone.
I've even thought about making a video of me ctb, a private one, no streaming or anything like that, should be titled 'the consequences of forcing someone to go cold turkey from Benzos' etc etc.
I didn't die straight away from a massive seizure, I am dying slowly over the course of YEARS.
Best part about it is, if I accessed a service 5 miles down the road, this may never have happened to me.
My only friend landed up in a mess with OTC Codeine too but this NEVER happened to him. Mind you he didn't throw Benzos into the mix so maybe that's why. Maybe nobody understands how to safely take someone off them?
The area I live in is very backwards, if it's not heroin or alcohol, nobody has a clue.
I am so tired now, I am tired of breathing, tired of thinking, tired of pain ripping through various parts of my body, tired of constantly moving, flexing muscles, tired of constant thirst, tired of mouth ulcers, tired of infected eczema all over my hands, tired of feeling unable to breathe properly, tired of floaters in my vision, tired of visual snow, tired of aching, weak body, tired of random bruises, tired of random swelling, tired of searing pain on the left side of my pelvis, tired of non stop period bleeding, tired of being tired.
THIS IS NOT RECOVERY. END OF.
I'm getting more and more ready to go with each passing day, just got to find a method that's reliable and that I can pull off. Inert gas still seems my best option, but it's hard to find and I don't know how much Nitrogen I need to do the job. If I knew this, I would start putting some money away each week to pay for it all, and try to find a way to get it into the house without husband seeing.
He's currently telling me that if he 'doesn't see a change in my attitude' after Christmas, he is going to walk out. I don't care, this is the least of my worries, I am going through this right under this man's nose and he doesn't give a shit, he doesn't even KNOW.
All he gives a shit about is his failed online business idea and finding jobs now that the money he had and wasted on setting up this website has run out.
How do I keep going for another day? Anyone?
This stupid abstinence model is partially to blame for what is happening to me.
One of these so called treatment services are over 90% to blame for the place I have landed up in.
They forced me into a cold turkey withdrawal from Benzos, a very high dose of them too.
Now, with regards to the Benzo addiction, they consider me 'recovered' and no longer affected by the drug, but fact is, when I stopped taking the Benzos, my life stopped with them.
I lost all my friends, when my life was at its very worst, not one of them texted me, messaged me, made any attempt to check if I was ok. I could not get out of bed for the first 6 months, if I did it felt like my head was being crushed in a vice and I felt as if I had flu constantly.
I lost everything, my life and body crumbled away. I have nothing left of my life back then, it's all gone, all been eaten away by this withdrawal.
It's been two years now since the cold turkey began, and I have nothing, no hobbies, no friends, no life outside the house, no chances, no opportunities, I am too unwell for any of these things.
I am so isolated, I am so lonely, but I would push people away now, nobody should be forced to deal with what's coming for me.
How in their right mind can anyone say someone living this way is 'recovered' and 'doing well'?.
The only reason I am still here is I am using the last of my waning energy to make a stand against this agency, I want to be remembered, I want my death to be a scar on their consciences.
I wish in some ways I could tell the guy helping me to try and do this, just how bad things are for me, but the true impact of this agency's actions will be revealed when I am gone.
I've even thought about making a video of me ctb, a private one, no streaming or anything like that, should be titled 'the consequences of forcing someone to go cold turkey from Benzos' etc etc.
I didn't die straight away from a massive seizure, I am dying slowly over the course of YEARS.
Best part about it is, if I accessed a service 5 miles down the road, this may never have happened to me.
My only friend landed up in a mess with OTC Codeine too but this NEVER happened to him. Mind you he didn't throw Benzos into the mix so maybe that's why. Maybe nobody understands how to safely take someone off them?
The area I live in is very backwards, if it's not heroin or alcohol, nobody has a clue.
I am so tired now, I am tired of breathing, tired of thinking, tired of pain ripping through various parts of my body, tired of constantly moving, flexing muscles, tired of constant thirst, tired of mouth ulcers, tired of infected eczema all over my hands, tired of feeling unable to breathe properly, tired of floaters in my vision, tired of visual snow, tired of aching, weak body, tired of random bruises, tired of random swelling, tired of searing pain on the left side of my pelvis, tired of non stop period bleeding, tired of being tired.
THIS IS NOT RECOVERY. END OF.
I'm getting more and more ready to go with each passing day, just got to find a method that's reliable and that I can pull off. Inert gas still seems my best option, but it's hard to find and I don't know how much Nitrogen I need to do the job. If I knew this, I would start putting some money away each week to pay for it all, and try to find a way to get it into the house without husband seeing.
He's currently telling me that if he 'doesn't see a change in my attitude' after Christmas, he is going to walk out. I don't care, this is the least of my worries, I am going through this right under this man's nose and he doesn't give a shit, he doesn't even KNOW.
All he gives a shit about is his failed online business idea and finding jobs now that the money he had and wasted on setting up this website has run out.
How do I keep going for another day? Anyone?
