No one will say anything good about me when I die

[StarFaded]

I plan to exit this life in the next few weeks. I feel like the time is right and I am ready for it. I'm going to start planning now including procuring the materials for my method. Since I missed the opportunity to buy SN from IC, I will have to try the night-night, hanging or drowning method.

My partner has said that I'm a bad person and that he meant what he said, that it wasn't said out of rage. I believe him. He is right in that I'm a useless piece of shit, like a child, delusional, lazy, manipulative, hold grudges and my life failed because I did this all to myself. This is all on me and I deserve everything fucked up in my life. I completely accept it.

I have brought nothing but misery and suffering to everyone around me. I'm worthless and when I die, I know that nobody will have anything genuinely good to say about me. Perhaps some patronizing pleasantries in their eulogies, but nothing good from the heart, especially since I've been a "bad person" while I'm alive.

This is quite depressing to realise and accept. My death will not affect anybody - except maybe positively since I won't be around to burden them anymore. But other than that, I know that I can drop dead right now and nobody will truly care or cry for me.

It is what it is.

 

[hourlyrabbit]

Regardless of how you feel, I am proud of you for being able to put it to words

 

[Dead Already]

You are very courageous for .acting your feelings gs out for the world to see.

 

[StarFaded]

You are very courageous for .acting your feelings gs out for the world to see.

It's not for the world to see but for myself to finally have some peace and away from the pain. I have nothing to prove to anyone or to the world.

 

[AntHills]

Same and same and fucking same. I lost everything that was ever worthwhile, and every bit of it is my own fault. I'm the shittiest type of person, and I can try to blame the people that ruined my childhood, or the girl that dropped me like a bad habit, but I decided to be the narcissistic asshole that I am today, and now my life has amounted to nothing and the only people that still give a shit about me are my past abusers. It might not be too late for people like us to change, but it sure feels hopeless as fuck.

 

[StarFaded]

Same and same and fucking same. I lost everything that was ever worthwhile, and every bit of it is my own fault. I'm the shittiest type of person, and I can try to blame the people that ruined my childhood, or the girl that dropped me like a bad habit, but I decided to be the narcissistic asshole that I am today, and now my life has amounted to nothing and the only people that still give a shit about me are my past abusers. It might not be too late for people like us to change, but it sure feels hopeless as fuck.

What do we change? I've tried my best to be a good person and a good friend to the people in my life. But clearly I'm still bad person to my partner and everyone around me.

I don't feel like this is a life worth living and when I've been in so much pain my whole life, I just seek peace now.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

No one is going to say anything about me at all, since I don't have anyone. Guess I'm lucky, huh?

 

[Larysa]

Your partner is clearly part of the problem.

 

[jessisme]

I plan to exit this life in the next few weeks. I feel like the time is right and I am ready for it. I'm going to start planning now including procuring the materials for my method. Since I missed the opportunity to buy SN from IC, I will have to try the night-night, hanging or drowning method.

My partner has said that I'm a bad person and that he meant what he said, that it wasn't said out of rage. I believe him. He is right in that I'm a useless piece of shit, like a child, delusional, lazy, manipulative, hold grudges and my life failed because I did this all to myself. This is all on me and I deserve everything fucked up in my life. I completely accept it.

I have brought nothing but misery and suffering to everyone around me. I'm worthless and when I die, I know that nobody will have anything genuinely good to say about me. Perhaps some patronizing pleasantries in their eulogies, but nothing good from the heart, especially since I've been a "bad person" while I'm alive.

This is quite depressing to realise and accept. My death will not affect anybody - except maybe positively since I won't be around to burden them anymore. But other than that, I know that I can drop dead right now and nobody will truly care or cry for me.

It is what it is.

Your partner must see beneficial attributes in you, otherwise they wouldn't be there.

No one is going to say anything about me at all, since I don't have anyone. Guess I'm lucky, huh?

I won't have anyone either. I try not to take it personally. Sometimes it's just the way things are.

 

[AntHills]

What do we change? I've tried my best to be a good person and a good friend to the people in my life. But clearly I'm still bad person to my partner and everyone around me.

That's the real question. It seems like no matter how hard I try to bend to the whims of people who know what's best for me, I still end up acting out in one way or another and I'm right back at square one. I'm a narcissist and I'm probably autistic, so my behavior is legitimately out of my control without a literal voice of reason telling me what to do. I don't know what you did to your partner that has you convinced that you're a bad person, but I can honestly say I've done some pretty awful stuff, and shame perpetuates itself. If I could give any advice to myself a year ago, it would be this; Don't let your intention to commit suicide become a justification for shitty behavior. I never thought I could hate myself more than I did a year ago, but now I actually despise myself to the point that I am making a subconscious effort to destroy my life and reputation because, "I'm gonna kill myself anyway, so what's the worst that could happen if I (XYZ)" has manifested itself into an active lifestyle that is only becoming harder to escape from, mostly because I'm poor and undiagnosed.

You seem really smart, really self aware, and you obviously have some degree of empathy, so use those traits for good while you're still with us.

 

[Holu]

Hallo. I'm glad to have helped you find some methods. I hope they go flawlessly and painlessly. In the meantime while you're waiting on the bus, feel free to vent or have discussions with anyone and everyone here. Until then hoping that life goes a little more gentle on you.

As always let me or anyone else know if you need anything. And do share your exact plan before attempting so others can double check that everything sounds good.

Take care soldier, just a little longer

 

[StarFaded]

Your partner must see beneficial attributes in you, otherwise they wouldn't be there.

I won't have anyone either. I try not to take it personally. Sometimes it's just the way things are.

He said he was blind and being delusional, seeing only what he wanted to see. But the reality is that I'm a bad person and he sees me for who I am now.