No one to talk to

[wishicould33]

Hi SS. I've been lurking here for a few months now but haven't posted until now. I have no one in my life I can talk to, which is the #1 thing they tell you to do when you're suicidal. But unfortunately my family has already been affected by suicide. My 16 year old stepbrother took his own life last February, which no one expected at all, so the aftermath was horrible and there's no way I could talk about how I'm feeling to any of them who went through that.
As for friends, I'm pretty deficient in that department. I had a major falling out with my best friend and whole friend group a couple months ago (around the same time I started browsing here..) because of something I did and things are not the same at all anymore. They don't really care about me or prioritize me at all anymore even though I've constantly prioritized them.
My birthday is tomorrow. I saw someone on here say that CTB on your birthday is a good idea because that way there aren't two different days a year that your family has to remember you and mourn.
The thing is I don't think I'll actually do it. I don't have SN which I think is the only method that I would ever try. But it's all I can think about all the time. Even when I'm happy it quickly dissipates and I remember that I wish I was dead.
Thanks for reading. I just wanted to tell someone how I've been feeling.

 

[MyShadow]

I haven't been here long either but wanted to welcome you to SanSu.
I am sorry for your loss. That's a lot to live with.
I hope you can find peace. I hope that we ALL can find peace.
Living with this pain is unbearable.

 

[Manaaja]

Whenever a birthday is coming, I hope it will change things for the better for the person. But of course it won't. Life's writers don't change. Life's genre doesn't change.

I know it's next to nothing compared to real life people, but I hope you can speak freely here.