![RottingFlowerBrains](/data/avatars/l/2/2470.jpg?1541403958)
RottingFlowerBrains
Student
- Sep 10, 2018
- 193
The title of this thread relates to why I'm about to post my feelings on this site! Thanks for reading ![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
Ever since the traumatic breakup of my relationship over 1 1/2 year's ago I have been deep troubled (I was troubled before that but this enhanced a whole new version of myself and what I would consider "troubled")
The breakup was so traumatic! Surreal. The entire course of events felt like a movie. The seven days leading up to the breakup were the game changers. We were in a awful car accident. maybe i will write about it later on in this thread if I get responses
He ended the relationship with me and he has moved on now. But I never stopped loving him ever. And I was never able to cope. This time last year I was prepared to kill myself after some solid months of trying to do things on my own and "build a life". All I could think about, cry about and dream about was my ex boyfriend Connor James Thompson-Patrick. GRIEVE the lose of him and everything i had ever known to b pure and true and home like.With whom I love with my entire heart and have for say 8 years. I made a plan to end my life after *and no hate here please* but a weekend on the fry. I was in so much pain but that weekend something happened and gave me the strength to giving life ago..
Fast forward a year and...
WELL THAT ENDED IN A SHIT FEST.
And leads me to where I am today.. living with my parents ( I'm in my early 20's)
I am still in love with my ex. And I have nightmares and flashbacks and dreams every single day and night about him. In the month I have started working again and am actively doing things in my life.. I am trying as hard as I can. I suffer with PTSD MDD & Social and Generalised Anxiety but I strive on actively battling these diseases.
I have tried to move on in my love life but am unable to deeply connect with others as I am afraid but I am deeply emotionally damaged after the whirl wind of the 7 days leading up to the break up, the breakup and every single thing that happened leading up to say this February. Which is when I escaped a terribly bad abusive situation where I was frightened.
I feel like I'm at WITS END. My life feels so empty. I miss him so much I can't stop the flashing memory and the nightmares and the dreams where he loves me. :o
I am trying to get on with things.. I have opportunitys. I am taking steps towards a better life but I still have this gaping hole inside of me that screams for Him.
nobody but him
Nobody but him.
I want to die and go and be with our son whom we lost a few years ago. I know I have purpose I know I could keep fighting but I feel like it's not for myself.
Because I will continue to ache at the loss of my bestfriend and the lover of my life and the father of my child and the person that I have trusted most in my entire life
I know I'm just another person amongst billions but I am struggling I have no-one to reach out to about this. No-one who really understands
I have a single picture of us and there is alot of meaning behind the image. I got rid of everything ages ago but I loved this man and still love him so I kept it safely. I never get it out but lately I've been wondering if I should. Maybe it will bring me healing? Nobody els is.. nothing els is..
If you made it this far.. thank you. You don't know how much a simple gesture of reading my feelings thoughts emotions and experiences means to a dull human with not a single sole to reach out to.
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
Ever since the traumatic breakup of my relationship over 1 1/2 year's ago I have been deep troubled (I was troubled before that but this enhanced a whole new version of myself and what I would consider "troubled")
The breakup was so traumatic! Surreal. The entire course of events felt like a movie. The seven days leading up to the breakup were the game changers. We were in a awful car accident. maybe i will write about it later on in this thread if I get responses
He ended the relationship with me and he has moved on now. But I never stopped loving him ever. And I was never able to cope. This time last year I was prepared to kill myself after some solid months of trying to do things on my own and "build a life". All I could think about, cry about and dream about was my ex boyfriend Connor James Thompson-Patrick. GRIEVE the lose of him and everything i had ever known to b pure and true and home like.With whom I love with my entire heart and have for say 8 years. I made a plan to end my life after *and no hate here please* but a weekend on the fry. I was in so much pain but that weekend something happened and gave me the strength to giving life ago..
Fast forward a year and...
WELL THAT ENDED IN A SHIT FEST.
And leads me to where I am today.. living with my parents ( I'm in my early 20's)
I am still in love with my ex. And I have nightmares and flashbacks and dreams every single day and night about him. In the month I have started working again and am actively doing things in my life.. I am trying as hard as I can. I suffer with PTSD MDD & Social and Generalised Anxiety but I strive on actively battling these diseases.
I have tried to move on in my love life but am unable to deeply connect with others as I am afraid but I am deeply emotionally damaged after the whirl wind of the 7 days leading up to the break up, the breakup and every single thing that happened leading up to say this February. Which is when I escaped a terribly bad abusive situation where I was frightened.
I feel like I'm at WITS END. My life feels so empty. I miss him so much I can't stop the flashing memory and the nightmares and the dreams where he loves me. :o
I am trying to get on with things.. I have opportunitys. I am taking steps towards a better life but I still have this gaping hole inside of me that screams for Him.
nobody but him
Nobody but him.
I want to die and go and be with our son whom we lost a few years ago. I know I have purpose I know I could keep fighting but I feel like it's not for myself.
Because I will continue to ache at the loss of my bestfriend and the lover of my life and the father of my child and the person that I have trusted most in my entire life
I know I'm just another person amongst billions but I am struggling I have no-one to reach out to about this. No-one who really understands
I have a single picture of us and there is alot of meaning behind the image. I got rid of everything ages ago but I loved this man and still love him so I kept it safely. I never get it out but lately I've been wondering if I should. Maybe it will bring me healing? Nobody els is.. nothing els is..
If you made it this far.. thank you. You don't know how much a simple gesture of reading my feelings thoughts emotions and experiences means to a dull human with not a single sole to reach out to.