No one to relate to

[flutebloom]

I have nobody to relate to.

The truth is I don't want to die but I feel like I have no choice but to commit suicide

I'm really envious of other people who are well enough to work and follow their passions

I have nothing. I'm a failure in every sense of the word. I don't want to die - death is calling to me it's begging me to commit suicide successfully

How do people succeed with suicide I've tried two times already and ended up in the psych ward.

I'm afraid to try again because I don't want to go there…

 

[Average Joe]

I'm sorry.
It must be so difficult especially when you don't want to die but see it as your only choice.

It's hard relating to people, I mean there are people out there who you will relate to but it's not as easy as that. It would be unfair to tell you a lie.

Do you work or have any passions? What keeps your heart ticking?

 

[lemonandcapers]

I relate to this! I'm at the point where CTB feels like the only way I will escape everything and all of my problems. I hope, regardless of what happens, you will find what you are looking for

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I live in darkness too.

 

[bankai]

I understand. I have no one either.I feel like suicide won't really work for me. I have attempted once with partial hanging. I probably Need a real reason like my mom's death,etc.

 

[ScarletTanager]

I have nobody to relate to.

The truth is I don't want to die but I feel like I have no choice but to commit suicide

I'm really envious of other people who are well enough to work and follow their passions

I have nothing. I'm a failure in every sense of the word. I don't want to die - death is calling to me it's begging me to commit suicide successfully

How do people succeed with suicide I've tried two times already and ended up in the psych ward.

I'm afraid to try again because I don't want to go there…

Try not to compare yourself to others. It sounds like you don't really want to ctb right now and maybe it would not be safe right now, so think things through carefully. Too much in life seems hinged on the concepts of "success" or "failure". Try to forget these, and focus on you and what you enjoy to do each day. It is hard to fail at taking a walk, or hiking or canoeing or watching a movie/reading a book, or making something how YOU want it made. Do things only for yourself for awhile. See how you are feeling. Take some deep breaths and maybe a yoga class. Think, did you get even one new thing out of your day or have one new experience. Was it worth it to you? Don't let anyone answer this question for you. Good luck
Same here, I've been to the cemetery a lot lately…

I live in darkness too.

 

[flutebloom]

I understand. I have no one either.I feel like suicide won't really work for me. I have attempted once with partial hanging. I probably Need a real reason like my mom's death,etc.

I don't think you need a "real reason." If life is too much for you then you have reason enough in my opinion…

Try not to compare yourself to others. It sounds like you don't really want to ctb right now and maybe it would not be safe right now, so think things through carefully. Too much in life seems hinged on the concepts of "success" or "failure". Try to forget these, and focus on you and what you enjoy to do each day. It is hard to fail at taking a walk, or hiking or canoeing or watching a movie/reading a book, or making something how YOU want it made. Do things only for yourself for awhile. See how you are feeling. Take some deep breaths and maybe a yoga class. Think, did you get even one new thing out of your day or have one new experience. Was it worth it to you? Don't let anyone answer this question for you. Good luck
Same here, I've been to the cemetery a lot lately…

Honestly I do want to ctb… I just wish I didn't. It's hard to explain. I was drugged against my will with a long lasting injectable medication called Invega when I ended up in the mental hospital last year… it destroyed my ability to feel dopamine or pleasure from simple things like walks or hiking like I used to enjoy. Life is meaningless now. The reason I say I don't want to die is because if my dopamine wasn't stolen from me I might still want to live but I feel like I have no choice because it's been 5 months since I took the shot and it's still affecting me

 

[DTA]

I have nobody to relate to.

The truth is I don't want to die but I feel like I have no choice but to commit suicide

I'm really envious of other people who are well enough to work and follow their passions

I have nothing. I'm a failure in every sense of the word. I don't want to die - death is calling to me it's begging me to commit suicide successfully

How do people succeed with suicide I've tried two times already and ended up in the psych ward.

I'm afraid to try again because I don't want to go there…

OP, I understand very deeply how you feel. Your feelings are why I joined this forum!

It disgusts me that people who anoint themselves authorities (cops, shrinks, etc...) drive people to suicide with their punishments then act like they care about us and want to prevent it!

I have attempted suicide 4 times (5 if you count a man I convinced to kill me in prison but who chickened out halfway through). My second attempt was suicide by cop. I committed a contraband crime to provoke a SWAT raid but was forced to surrender. It got me 10 years in prison. I will be released soon and, after saying goodbye to my family, I fully intend to try again.

The reason I relate to you and understand how you feel is that I dealt with my depression myself years ago in prison. I no longer WANT to die. But now I have no choice. The only life legally available to me now is multiple times worse than the one that drove me to depression to begin with. To be honest I'm not sad about it. It is what it is.

But I wonder if I may help you with feeling like a failure? What I finally realized that cured my depression was that nothing in this world means anything. If you feel like a failure, it's because you're measuring your personal worth and achievement by the standards of others. To be blunt, those people - society - are nothing but sick meat bags whose existence has no meaning or value. Just like you and me. We're all the same!

So ask yourself, 'why should I care how a worthless meat bag defines success?' Far from being depressing, this nihilism is liberating! When you truly comprehend the meaninglessness of everything, you are free to create your own meaning. Do what makes YOU happy and fulfilled, not what others say you should. In that I believe you'll find your success!

Also, sorry for the length of that!

 

[ScarletTanager]

Is there a list of medications or remedies that can begin to replenish dopamine? I'd love that information too!

 

[Pure Vanilla]

Do you have anything you are passionate about at all? any hobby or just anything that gives you enjoyment?

 

[flutebloom]

Do you have anything you are passionate about at all? any hobby or just anything that gives you enjoyment?

It's hard to describe. I used to have a lot of passions. I used to be passionate about everything. Music, nature, art, food…

Ever since I was injected with that poison I can't feel that same drive and passion for anything anymore. It hurts more that I used to have it and it was ripped away from me

 

[DTA]

It's hard to describe. I used to have a lot of passions. I used to be passionate about everything. Music, nature, art, food…

Ever since I was injected with that poison I can't feel that same drive and passion for anything anymore. It hurts more that I used to have it and it was ripped away from me

Does it ever wear off, or is it a permanent thing?

 

[flutebloom]

Does it ever wear off, or is it a permanent thing?

Been 5 months and it's the same. I think it might wear off after a year or two but I'll never be the same after this I'm damaged.

 

[DTA]

Been 5 months and it's the same. I think it might wear off after a year or two but I'll never be the same after this I'm damaged.

Jesus. I'm so sorry. I swear shrinks hurt more people than they help!

 

[flutebloom]

Jesus. I'm so sorry. I swear shrinks hurt more people than they help!

I have to kill muself because of it. I never would ctb if this didn't happen to me. Feel defeated and I just want to escape the misery and hopelessness.

 

[Poiter1987]

I don't think you need a "real reason." If life is too much for you then you have reason enough in my opinion…

Honestly I do want to ctb… I just wish I didn't. It's hard to explain. I was drugged against my will with a long lasting injectable medication called Invega when I ended up in the mental hospital last year… it destroyed my ability to feel dopamine or pleasure from simple things like walks or hiking like I used to enjoy. Life is meaningless now. The reason I say I don't want to die is because if my dopamine wasn't stolen from me I might still want to live but I feel like I have no choice because it's been 5 months since I took the shot and it's still affecting me

Invega is also the reason I'm on this website. I relate.